Heartbroken0608

I don't know where you are and it's killing me with worry. I haven't heard from you... I'm guessing you're angry with me.. I understand that. The past few weeks I've been doing a lot of thinking, soul searching, reading, trying to learn and understand what is going on. Here are some things I'd like to share:

1) first and foremost I want you to know that I love you ... without hesitation or qualification. You are my son. I've watched you grow, cheered you on, wiped your tears, bandaged your boo boo's, watched you succeed, watched you fail, watched you try. There is not a thing in this world that could ever diminish my love for you -- ever. Do I like some of the things you've done? Absolutely not. Do I agree with the way you sometimes view things? nope. But I love you -- unconditionally. Don't ever forget or question that.

2) You are an adult now (I know you know that already, but I didn't really understand that until very recently). When a problem would arise I would throw my mommy-hat on and do everything I could to "fix" things. I'd make calls for you, make sure I woke you up, reminded you of things you needed to do, leave you notes so you didn't "forget" to do something, etc etc etc.. I was still treating you like a child -- a child who needed his mommy to do things for him. After spending countless hours staring at the ceiling trying to figure this all out I've come to the conclusion that all my "helping" has been our downfall. You are a man, a man who is capable of making his own decisions. Whether I agree with those decisions or not is not important -- your life is yours to live. It is very hard for me to step aside and let you fly. I'm afraid I will not like where you are flying to .. but I now understand that I am not the one who gets to chart your course; that is totally up to you. I promise to no longer interfere with your path in life.

3) Just as you are free to live your life as you see fit, I am also free to live mine according to my will. I deserve to be given the same dignity I am offering to you. It is clear we do not always have the same outlook on things. That does not mean we cannot have a relationship -- it just means that we both have to work really hard at not overstepping each others boundaries. I may not agree with how you live your life, you may not agree with my "take" on things.. but that can be OK. I promise to no longer harass, criticize, moan, sigh (lol).. basically to stop trying to guilt you into thinking like me. In exchange I need you to respect my wishes regarding the things I want (and don't want) in my life, in my home, and a part of my existence. For example, you know I do not approve of smoking in my house. If you choose to smoke there is nothing I can do about that, it's your business. But you do not have a right to overstep my boundary of not allowing smoking in my house. This same principal can be applied to many of the other disagreements we've had the past few years.

4) I know I've told you this before but I want to say it again, in writing, just to make sure you understand it.. I will always be here to cheer you on in your quest to improve your life. I now understand that I am not capable of helping you overcome some of the issues you are facing. There are a TON of resources out there for you though, and a TON of people who have walked the same road you are walking and have come through the other side to a better life.. I know you can do it too. When you decide that is what you want I will be right there by your side. Until then know that I love you and want nothing but the best for you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers always.

All my Love, Mom.

EJG123

Really a great letter.

TMZ

Well written. But how are you going to get it to him? Dose he have an email or face book account? That is how I sent messages to my AS, though he never replies, I know he reads them.

Sending you strength and prayers.

Heartbroken0608

I sent it to both his facebook and email. I do hope he reads it although it doesn't look like he's logged into either in quite a while.