Beginning to do the work
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
A lot of people think AA isn't for them. I tried AVRT, Moderation Management, weekly shrink appointments, gobs of medications.
I think there is a lot to be said -- and disregarded -- but still, a lot to be said about the jargon in AA.
One of the principles in AA is that people don't walk or crawl into meetings until they hit their personal bottoms.
And those bottoms, from my own experience and from listening to hundreds of others, can get awfully deep.
Not drinking for a few days is incredible. Calling a return to drinking after a few weeks or a couple of months isn't a relapse -- you never really have quit.
A relapse, in the disease model, is the illness returning after remission for a significant period of time. Like, years. for some alcoholics, it's after decades.
What are you doing to accept that you are an alcoholic and that your need a recovery program?
I think there is a lot to be said -- and disregarded -- but still, a lot to be said about the jargon in AA.
One of the principles in AA is that people don't walk or crawl into meetings until they hit their personal bottoms.
And those bottoms, from my own experience and from listening to hundreds of others, can get awfully deep.
Not drinking for a few days is incredible. Calling a return to drinking after a few weeks or a couple of months isn't a relapse -- you never really have quit.
A relapse, in the disease model, is the illness returning after remission for a significant period of time. Like, years. for some alcoholics, it's after decades.
What are you doing to accept that you are an alcoholic and that your need a recovery program?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Ok. Checking to see if the shotgun is loaded after I pulled the trigger. I glanced at some of your other posts and get the drift that you are trying AA. Are you committing to AA?
When you read the big Book do you see yourself? Do you have a sponsor? At least a temporary sponsor?
Can you get to the dozens of meetings you say are just 15 minutes away? Can you get to one now?
When you read the big Book do you see yourself? Do you have a sponsor? At least a temporary sponsor?
Can you get to the dozens of meetings you say are just 15 minutes away? Can you get to one now?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Roxboro, NC
Posts: 544
Congrats on your 6 days!
Do you know what triggered your last relapse and what measures are you taking now to ensure that you don't relapse again?
Sometimes I feel those urges, cravings and triggers but I have a plan for when they happen. Most of the time I come here and put it down in writing. Hard for me to pick up a drink when I'm typing with both hands
Do you know what triggered your last relapse and what measures are you taking now to ensure that you don't relapse again?
Sometimes I feel those urges, cravings and triggers but I have a plan for when they happen. Most of the time I come here and put it down in writing. Hard for me to pick up a drink when I'm typing with both hands
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: PC
Posts: 148
Thanks Kelly. Memphis, thanks too. You're right. What I've been doing isn't relapsing. Haven't thought of that before. I guess the only thing is that I was clean over thanksgiving and was able to come clean with my brother. I wasn't drunk luckily as I messed up the weeks before. I have told my family, and I really believe this, that if I drink again it will probably kill me. This would have sounded impossible a year or even 6 months ago. I have spiraled that quickly.
There is a meeting tomorrow night that I plan on going to. In addition, as much as it scares me I plan on asking for help. I cant do it alone.
There is a meeting tomorrow night that I plan on going to. In addition, as much as it scares me I plan on asking for help. I cant do it alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: PC
Posts: 148
TM, that was the problem. I had no plan for when the urge to drink happened at 28 days. I just said -Hmm a beer in the brew pub sounds nice.. That kind of thinking got me a ticket to the ER.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: PC
Posts: 148
This is day 13. I had a medical issue where I had to go into the hospital for 2 days. This was not directly related to drinking. The hospital stay really sucked but I am sure would have been much worse if I was to have been going through withdrawal as well. I do not want to drink ever again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I was exactly where you are 5 months ago...I was sitting in a dark room...Shades pulled...Beautiful outside...And I was drinking myself to death...That's all I wanted ....was to die. I was feeling about as hopeless and helpless as I have ever felt. I had nobody there for me, friends gone...Family was the last to give up on me. I think my mother was the only one left that even cared. Maybe because she had to. I guess I could say I don't know where it came from...But I think I do......I ended up going to an AA meeting.
I don't know...I just felt hope there...If some of these people had made it work for them...Why couldn't it work for me....I was ashamed and scared....But I sat down and said...I'm Matt...and I'm an alcoholic...And I need help...And I'll take all the help I can get. And then I shut up and listened. These people came up to me after that meeting and I think they could see I meant it...I'm sure it showed. I was shaking like a leaf and they were kind to me. They had been there. I stayed after the meeting because I wanted to ask questions. I asked one guy who I listened to and liked what I heard...How do I get a sponsor?....He's my sponsor today and I have taken those 12 steps....And it has changed my life...I don't have to drink...I have no obsession to drink...And more important...I don't want to die...I'm actually living for the first time since I was a kid.
I guess reading that Book...Studying that book...And having someone to help me take those steps...Going to meetings....was work. Or was it??....Maybe it was just saving my life. I guess it's all just how you look at it.
I don't know...I just felt hope there...If some of these people had made it work for them...Why couldn't it work for me....I was ashamed and scared....But I sat down and said...I'm Matt...and I'm an alcoholic...And I need help...And I'll take all the help I can get. And then I shut up and listened. These people came up to me after that meeting and I think they could see I meant it...I'm sure it showed. I was shaking like a leaf and they were kind to me. They had been there. I stayed after the meeting because I wanted to ask questions. I asked one guy who I listened to and liked what I heard...How do I get a sponsor?....He's my sponsor today and I have taken those 12 steps....And it has changed my life...I don't have to drink...I have no obsession to drink...And more important...I don't want to die...I'm actually living for the first time since I was a kid.
I guess reading that Book...Studying that book...And having someone to help me take those steps...Going to meetings....was work. Or was it??....Maybe it was just saving my life. I guess it's all just how you look at it.
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