First time here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 30
First time here
Hi All. I am new to this forum and to this whole situation...
I am the foster parent to a 17-year-old son. Even though I did not give birth to him, and have only known him for a little less than 2 years, I love him and am committed to being a mother to him, no matter what happens.
He was arrested two months ago for selling drugs and was sentenced to a year in residential drug treatment just last week. He was using marijuana daily, smoking 8 or 9 blunts a day. I knew he was getting high frequently but didn't know what to do about it. In some ways I have a lot of guilt about not being able to make him stop; I mean, he was living in my home, I was responsible for keeping him safe, and I feel like I failed miserably at that. But in other ways I know that it would have been impossible to "make" him stop, and I think that things are unfolding the way they need to and were meant to.
I miss my son and am sad that he is away from home, but I am also glad that the arrest happened and that he accepted the option of rehab instead of jail. I wasn't sure he was going to...he would have spent less time in jail than he will spend in rehab, and I know a big part of him just wanted to get out and come home as soon as possible. So I am proud of him for choosing recovery, and I am hoping that he will truly get healthier in rehab.
He was admitted the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so I have been anxiously waiting this whole holiday weekend until I can get in touch with the counselor at his rehab program to start talking with him about what it is like there, and when and how I will be able to have contact with my son.
I am scared about what is to come. I know it will be a rough road for both me and my son.
I guess I am just hoping to find support here from others who know first hand what this is like.
Thanks.
I am the foster parent to a 17-year-old son. Even though I did not give birth to him, and have only known him for a little less than 2 years, I love him and am committed to being a mother to him, no matter what happens.
He was arrested two months ago for selling drugs and was sentenced to a year in residential drug treatment just last week. He was using marijuana daily, smoking 8 or 9 blunts a day. I knew he was getting high frequently but didn't know what to do about it. In some ways I have a lot of guilt about not being able to make him stop; I mean, he was living in my home, I was responsible for keeping him safe, and I feel like I failed miserably at that. But in other ways I know that it would have been impossible to "make" him stop, and I think that things are unfolding the way they need to and were meant to.
I miss my son and am sad that he is away from home, but I am also glad that the arrest happened and that he accepted the option of rehab instead of jail. I wasn't sure he was going to...he would have spent less time in jail than he will spend in rehab, and I know a big part of him just wanted to get out and come home as soon as possible. So I am proud of him for choosing recovery, and I am hoping that he will truly get healthier in rehab.
He was admitted the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so I have been anxiously waiting this whole holiday weekend until I can get in touch with the counselor at his rehab program to start talking with him about what it is like there, and when and how I will be able to have contact with my son.
I am scared about what is to come. I know it will be a rough road for both me and my son.
I guess I am just hoping to find support here from others who know first hand what this is like.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((TiTiEmily))) - Welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here. First of all, I want to thank you for being a foster parent (and you sound like a very caring and loving one).
I'm glad he chose rehab, and I know you miss him. This forum is full of people who are, or have been through, similar situations. When I first got here, I read everything I could..found out I was not alone (and neither are you).
I know both sides of the addiction "fence" - am a recovering addict, have loved ones who are still using. You are right, pretty hard to make us addicts just quit. What helped me get into recovery was my loved ones letting me face the consequences of my using. It was tough on them, it was tough on me, but I'm grateful to them. It sounds like he made a good decision, and rehab is just the first step toward recovery, but it's a good one.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm glad he chose rehab, and I know you miss him. This forum is full of people who are, or have been through, similar situations. When I first got here, I read everything I could..found out I was not alone (and neither are you).
I know both sides of the addiction "fence" - am a recovering addict, have loved ones who are still using. You are right, pretty hard to make us addicts just quit. What helped me get into recovery was my loved ones letting me face the consequences of my using. It was tough on them, it was tough on me, but I'm grateful to them. It sounds like he made a good decision, and rehab is just the first step toward recovery, but it's a good one.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome Emily. My son is my foster son and like you, I love him like my own. Sadly he has been lost in his addiction for several years now, and I can only pray for God to watch over him until he chooses a better path.
Your son is young, hopefully this will be one of those strangely wrapped gifts where he may learn his lessons early and find a better way to live.
Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top. There is a lot of good reading there. And there are lots of mamas here who have been where you are.
Glad you joined us, hope you find some peace here.
Hugs
Your son is young, hopefully this will be one of those strangely wrapped gifts where he may learn his lessons early and find a better way to live.
Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top. There is a lot of good reading there. And there are lots of mamas here who have been where you are.
Glad you joined us, hope you find some peace here.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
(((TiTiEmily)))
Welcome, I am glad you found us. You have found a place you can share you pain, worries, and thoughts. We have been through it, and this site holds a lot of experience with in all the members as well as a lot of wisdom.
You can't control him, but you can love him. He has to walk this walk alone and with professionals as well as others whom have found recovery through NA. You are too close to help him. While he works his recovery you need to work on yours. You can also seek help for yourself through nar-anon.
I will be honest and tell you this is going to be a hard road and it will test you love for him to the fullest. One of the hardest things I have ever done in my life was throw my son out, so he could feel his own consequences with out me helping him.
Keep posting, keep reading other posts and the stickies, and keep us updated with the issues.
Be well,
Welcome, I am glad you found us. You have found a place you can share you pain, worries, and thoughts. We have been through it, and this site holds a lot of experience with in all the members as well as a lot of wisdom.
You can't control him, but you can love him. He has to walk this walk alone and with professionals as well as others whom have found recovery through NA. You are too close to help him. While he works his recovery you need to work on yours. You can also seek help for yourself through nar-anon.
I will be honest and tell you this is going to be a hard road and it will test you love for him to the fullest. One of the hardest things I have ever done in my life was throw my son out, so he could feel his own consequences with out me helping him.
Keep posting, keep reading other posts and the stickies, and keep us updated with the issues.
Be well,
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