kay11

Lately I have been feeling extremely isolated with the fact I have no one to talk to about my boyfriends addiction to drugs, which is the main reason I have made an account with sober recovery. No one in my life understands what both him and I are going through and his family are not the nicest people that I can just talk to about this stuff. He went into detox in september on his birthday and then was transferred to an inpatient program. He has been back for about 2 weeks now and things haven't been seeming to get any better like I had expected. I expected my caring, loving boyfriend back that went away but he's different now. In some ways he has grown a better person, for instance he has so much more self worth and self confidence then before but on the down side it's as if he doesn't care to show his affection to me anymore and he doesn't seem to care about spending a lot of time together like he use to. I really don't know how to handle all of this, all I know is I love him and I fear so much that I am going to loose him. I had no clue of his problem with addiction until about 4 days before leaving. He is a very good lier and can be very manipulative. I found out thing like he took my car out at night to steal money from his parents without me ever knowing. He's almost too smart for his own good, if that makes any sense at all. Right now he is doing very good in recovery and is seriously committed to it, Which I am overjoyed with because originally he just wanted to stay at the inpatient program for 15 days (not even 1/2 the days) but he pushed it out to the end and now he enrolled himself into a 5 month outpatient program. I know I should be feeling happy about his progression in recovery but often times I find myself extremely depressed that my boyfriend isn't the same one I fell in love with. I don't even know if these feelings are normal to be having, this is all very new to me. Any advice or experiences help, I just need to know I'm not the only person out there thats feeling this way. My heart honestly feels like its in two half the time and I don't know how to fix it.

anything helps,

Kay

Windblown

Check out Naranon or Alanon meetings and get into a program for You! It really has helped me. I didn't realize that I was so emotionally sick from my son's addiction but I am pretty nuts but trying to cope through bein' on here, the meetings and talking to my sponsor. You are not alone. We know what you are going through. Try to keep the focus on you and light a scented candle or read a new book...bubble bath even or just keep writing your heart out. It helps. It will all work out...maybe not the way you imagined...but somehow things have a way of smoothing out for everyone.....least that's what I'm telling myself as long as I keep working my own program....my life is getting better.

kay11

Thank you, I have been looking into Al-anon meetings in my area; however, my boyfriend doesn't want me to go alone... as he puts it there are "sketchy" people there but my therapist says it would be healthy for me to go alone. I told him I found an all women's meeting and he feels a little better about it. I just want to respect his wishes but at the same time help myself. Also It's a little scary going to one for the first time, I have no clue what to expect.

dollydo

His recovery is up to him and your recovery is up to you. He is attempting to control you.

Read all the stickies at the top of this forum, learn all you can about addiction and get to those meetings!

izeywoot

I'm kind of also going through the same situation. Although my bf is already done with his 120 days of rehab, he still hasn't contacted me or anything but somehow I understand, although I wish he would talk to me and tell me how are things for him outside the bubble. From where we stand at the moment, I don't see us working the same way as we used to be. I just wish he would tell me and be honest with me if he still want us to be together or not 'cause I just want to move on with my life without hurting anyone.

outtolunch

Alanon is an opportunity for highly motivated friends and family to learn the tools to recover from their own codependency.

outtolunch

Did you know your BF clean and sober?

kay11

Yes I did know him before he started using, his addiction really started progressing at the beginning of summer. He became very angry and much more violent, at the time I didn't have an explanation for the change but now I know drugs were the reason.

kay11

We have been dating now for about 16 months, so a little over a year, we also dated for 5 months a couple years earlier but he left me because he was dealing with his grandfather death which up until 16 months ago I had no clue about. He is a very closed off person and as far as I am concerned I feel it is from the emotional abuse he has to put up with at home. I think this whole experience has made people relies in his home that they just can't call him a piece of **** for things like he forgot to take out the trash. That fact that I had no clue about his use was because I was very oblivious, I'm not the brightest person when it comes down to knowing about drugs. I did however know his brother had been using for several year before us dating. Foil was all over anyways from his brother, I did not relies that my own boyfriend was using as well. thankfully I talked to his mom and she got his brother into treatment as well.