timetochange

While trying to make it through each day without drinking, I am trying to recognize what leads me to finally give in and drink, even though I know that it doesn't get me where I need to be. The obvious triggers are that it's just a habit (5:00, etc), boredom, stress with the kids/work/family/money, lonlieness.
But for me it's also a feeling of not being good enough, of maybe feeling intimidated. I spent some time on Facebook this morning and noticed those feelings come up: that other people look better than me, have it all together, have a great husband, more money, a great life. Some people that I work with daily just seem so "perfect" and it makes me feel "less than", like why even try? I am beginning to see how drinking pushes those uncomfortable feelings away, temporarily, but only makes them come back tenfold because of the guilt and shame and physical effects I feel after drinking. Last night, I felt so proud of myself, so hopeful for the future. Now, I feel the old negativity and insecurity coming back...like "Not drinking, losing weight, trying to hard won't get me anywhere, so why bother? All those efforts and I'll just be disappointed anyway". Those thoughts, which were sooo differerent than what I felt last night, get my cheeks all red and like I just want do drink to make them go away.
But...instead, I'm going to try to recognize that they are temporary and do something to distract me from them. I'm not going to give in to that because I know there is a better life waiting for me, I just need to do what I need to do to get there. And I am. And I'm not going to ruin it over some temporary emotion or thought.
To me, THIS is why this time is different for me. Because I'm recognizing my triggers, even the less than obvious ones, and working through them. THIS is why I know it's all going to be OK.
I know I could have just written this in my journal, but there is something about posting here and knowing that others will read it and maybe relate or understand, just makes it more real and more helpful Thank you Sr.

Tigger41

I found that Facebook makes me sad and angry right now. Not sure why. So I don't even look there anymore. I haven't logged on since I stopped drinking and i have to say feel better about me.

I hope you feel better about you. You are making such a big change in your life. It's going to be great. Hang in there

soberlicious

Time, your introspection is inspiring. Understanding yourself better will make this time different. For what it's worth, there have been many articles written on the negative impact that Facebook can have on one's self esteem. Learning to not compare myself to others has been a freedom that equals the freedom I have from putting down the booze. You are more than good enough. Believe it.

1undone

Comparing yourself to others is a major trigger! You are right but avoiding it is nearly impossible unless you change the way you think. Drinking can be a symptom and it's kinda how you've described yours. You don't have to go to FB to feel inferior. As you mentioned about your work environment too. Then there is the grocery store, mall, etc. find out why you are having a hard time with what you perceive as the success of others and why that triggers you to drink. Are those excuses? Not trying to be mean - I've been down this road. By pulling yourself away from social parts of you life you could be avoiding and isolating. 5:00 is the worst time for me too and I bet if you poled the people here 80% would agree. The days stressors build up for me and that voice telling me to drink gets very loud!!!! It's hard! It can be overcome though. What have you done for yourself lately? Maybe make an appointment to have your nails Done at 5?

One thing I've been told a bajillion times by sober friends is that even though you may see these people as having more or looking better you don't know what's going on in their minds and what they struggle with, because they do! Just last night my mother inlaw asked me to please remove a picture of her because she looks fat. made me sad.