freethinking

For the most part, I enjoyed Thanksgiving. I cooked for everyone and didn't get stressed, and my kids had a good time. We served some wine which didn't get to me. But I did notice that during some points on Thanksgiving it felt like something was "missing".

The holidays have always been an especially difficult time of year for me when trying to stay sober. I've done them sober before but, from what I recollect, did not enjoy them that much. I enjoyed Thanksgiving somewhat this year - but I probably enjoyed the day after more (Black Friday shopping, etc with my cousin), which probably would not have been entirely possible without me either being hungover or drunk if I had drank on Thanksgiving.

I just have this very immature notion every holiday season that everyone else is enjoying it more when they get to drink. I can't say I wanted to drink exactly....but I keep coming back to this feeling that something is missing if I don't get to drink during the holidays.

What's your approach to the holidays? Feels like mine is "off" a bit.

neferkamichael

I spent this thanksgiving with my older brother and his kids and thier kids. There was no booze anywhere I went. I've now been sober 1 year 4 months 15 days and no crack 75 days.
The issue I felt guilty about was having no money and not contributing to the cause.
The annoying thing in general for me staying sober is the temptation. If I'm in an environment where using is going on and friends are enjoying themselves, temps me to want to indulge. Always checking myself gets to be aggrevating.
But I play the tape all the way through to remind myself of the consequences if I take just one drink. And now after the time I have benn sober, I have to honestly admit that I am better off without using, cant denigh it. Mainly though I just "suffer through" the bad feelings and beating myself up for getting myself into this situation. Thanks for the post it helps

Shining~Again

I've had holidays that were a lot more enjoyable in the past.
There's a lot of reasons for that, mainly certain holdidays (it's always these 2, Xmas and thanksgiving) just make me and everyone else remember when it was very different.
People are dead, divorced, children older, no more "pass the baby"...
I can understand liking black friday more - as it's busy and face paced, where the holiday is supposed to be about introspection, family, memories, being thankful.
While I AM thankful for what I have now, I'm very aware of the thoughts being parked that are very sad and all that.

yeah. While there's no doubt about life off substances is a better, longer, --insert a million other good things ---, it's a bit rougher to make new types of holidays. I struggle with not avoiding them altogether.

freethinking

@NM....I have been playing the tape through a lot recently. I keep thinking of that Robert Downey Jr quote: Sometimes I think about having a glass of wine with dinner. Then I remember I have plans for Christmas.

@AWW....I related a lot to your post. Thanksgiving is more introspective so it's harder to distract myself. I'm just going to have to make new typs of holidays but it still seems strange to me.

jamdls

This has always been my least favorite time of year, depression would settle in in November and not lift until spring. As a child the holidays were so tense, when my father was around it was an 'excuse' for him to get extra drunk so we had to walk around on eggshells so as not to set him off, and when he wasn't around the holidays were sad as my mother would be so worried about him and/or missing him (he was career military). I carried on the drunk holiday tradition making the holidays an uncomfortable time for my own daughter. This is my 5th sober holiday season and although I still don't really care for this time of year it is much easier to deal with w/o adding to the angst with my own drunken escapades and horrendous hangovers. I don't think I'm 'missing' anything as I realize how much I missed while in drunken blackouts.
On Thursday at dinner the adults had a glass of wine, but that's ALL they had, between 4 of them they didn't even finish the bottle of wine???? When the wine was pored I got a little teary eyed, not that I wanted any but that I COULDN'T have any, but the moment passed quickly. Whenever I start to think I'm "missing out" that thought is automatically replaced by thinking of what I really missed by being a black out drunk, by being an embarrassment to myself and others; I don't want to miss another moment of my daughters life nor of her children's lives.

DrivenHeart85

Thanksgiving got me a little edgy this year. Was home with my brother and parents and they were all drinking. It's hard because I'm one of those people that can pull off social drinking for a while and save the drunk for later so I did feel like I was missing out on the fun a bit. But I remembered what I've read in Allen Carr's book so far and that alcohol is really a poison and nothing to envy. Also I have to remember that my family doesn't know any of the gory details about my alcohol addiction so they don't hold back for any reason. But I survived...with my sparkling grape juice. Even though that stuff made me feel like I was 12, it sure tasted a heck of a lot better than beer. lol

Dee74

I enjoy my holidays more sober.

I dunno about anyone else but my drinking, especially festive drinking, wasn't about enjoyment it was about mentally 'vacating the premises' when I particularly didn't want to be there.

gneiss

I have never enjoyed winter holidays since I was a teenager. Doesn't matter if I was drunk or sober or stoned or whatever. I just don't like them. Too much stress, pressure to buy stuff I can't afford for people I don't really even know; the weather usually sucks; I get stuck in the kitchen cooking (which I HATE) with all the other women in my family while my dad, uncles, and cousins watch football or argue religion and politics and wait to be waited on. Are you kidding me? Ridiculous. Why would anyone like that?

freethinking

LMAO!

My immediate family is really small, and your version of the holidays actually sounds appealing compared to what I feel like i have to endure. I do have 2 small kids though and they still believe in Santa, so I'm trying to just make this next month as fun for them as possible. So far, so good...but there are certain days (like xmas day itself, or holiday parties) where it feels like something is missing. Truthfully, I don't even feel it that much around my friends even if they are drinking....it's my family that somehow being around makes me want to pour a whole bottle of vodka down my throat.

freethinking

Same here.

Last year I began drinking again on Thanksgiving day and didn't stop until May when my husband had me legally removed from the house.

I am feeling very unsettled these days because I am switching anti-depressants and the current one I just switched to is REALLY not working. All I feel like doing is sleeping.

loveon2legs

I second what Dee said!! this year I am choosing to remove myself from my family drama....and heading off to the mountains!!

DrivenHeart85

I shouldn't really have much for negative feelings for holidays, but I do. For me, it's kind of like a "success in life checkup" by my parents. So things like extra weight, credit card debt and why I'm still single get drug up and it agitates me. So by then end I like to return to my isolated life in my own house where no one judges me. lol But I feel bad for feeling bad because my family really is great and I am quite lucky to have the upbringing I did...I just can't be instantly perfect like they would like.