Heartbroken0608

I just put myself into a complete state of panic over an unknown number calling on the house phone. I didn't answer the first three times but had conjured up such horrific scenarios in my mind that I was physically shaking, sweating, and about ready to vomit. The phone rang again with another (but very similar) unknown number and I decided I just had to answer it. I took a deep breath, steeled myself for whatever horrible circumstance this was going to be, and said hello.... It was a spam call inquiring about my "request for a car loan". I've had to shut the sound off on my cell phone, the loud noise makes my heart pound each time it rings. I have it on vibrate and still get a little nervous when I hear it but for some reason the softer sound isn't as jarring.

I'm a basket case!!!! and cant seem to pull myself out of it. I'm reading everything I possibly can. Have read codependent no more at least 3 times, "don't let your children kill you" about 5 times, I think I've read every post and sticky on this forum, I have a therapy appt scheduled for next week and have some supportive friends/family members. My head knows I'm doing the right thing but my heart doesn't...I think that's where the anxiety is coming from.

Any advice to help deal with this? I feel like a PTSD patient and the sound of the telephone seems to be my trigger.

outtolunch

I had a very similar reaction to my own codependency. EMDR therapy, developed for PTSD helped me take the edge off my anxiety.

Heartbroken0608

Thanks for the replies. I am going to shut the house phone ringer off. Got a few more "private" calls, answered the 5th one and it was the same loan ppl regarding the car loan my SON had applied for??? I can't shut off my cell phone because I'm on call for work and have to be available for my daughter who is out and about all day with friends, volunteering at church, extracurricular activities, etc. it's hard to understand how two children raised in the same home can turn out so different.

My heart is truly broken and right now it feels like nothing will heal it. We had such a great family when he was young. We travelled, he was very involved in, and excelled at, sports. He is smart, handsome and has so much potential. He's the only one who doesn't see this. Growing up we attended every one of his activities, he attended elite sports camps, travelled all over participating in tournaments, even out of the country. we had dinner together every single night, usually with a home cooked meal, but sometimes just a picnic in the car in between various activities. We have a very large and close-knit extended family. A family vacation would consist of 30 people going skiing or to Mexico. Everyone lives within 15 min and the cousins are / were each others best friends growing up. I can't wrap my head around how this happened. Not that it really matters I guess at this point, I'm just kind of rambling. I know I have to live in the present, the past is the past and I don't think I'll ever be able to make any sense out of it. I know I certainly made some mistakes, as all parents do. I enabled, coveted for him, bailed him out of his small troubles... Now he has big troubles and there's nothing I can do for him. Any "help" I ever provided for him or action I took was done out of love. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Thanks for being there to listen. It does provide some comfort knowing others can understand how I feel

litehorse

heartbroken - i hear so much pain in your post - i have many times wondered what happened but because there was a divorce and not a large extended family - a lot of exact opposites of the things you listed i felt that the lack of those things led to my son's choices, but i go back over and over to the many stories of the "perfect " family, life, etc... and still destructive choices are made - i've come to the conclusion that there is no true predictive method for this sort of thing - it starts with a really bad decision and continues with more bad decisions on the part of the addict - take care of yourself - prayers for you and your son

kiki5711

Yea, I understand. I'm still going through withdrawals of hearing the phone ring. No matter what time of day if I heard a phone ring I got knots in my stomach. Then after I turned my phone off at work, I started hearing phone ringing even when nobody's phone was ringing.

I'm just now starting to recover from this after learning how to set boundaries.

coffeeandcream

I suggest you take a break and chill a bit, heartbroken. Phone ringing all the time makes me nervous, too. Could be the bill collectors calling for my loans..

But seriously, there's a lot of people out there going through the same situation you're in right now. If it's not a telemarketer, bill collector or a solicitor, most probably a scammer calling you. And there have been a lot of complaints posted at Callercenter about this problem.

We can just hope the government can find time to look into this. Telemarketers, for instance, always have a way to work around the law and stopping them is next to impossible. So what I do, I pull up pranks whenever they're on the phone. Got the tips from Callercenter, too! If you can't make them by asking nicely, annoy them instead.

laurie6781

When I do not recognize a number coming in on my phone, be it my landline or my cell, I go to Google and google the number.

I do not answer. I figure if it is important they will call back.

99 times out of a 100 there is already complaints posted about the particular number.

If no complaints I do a 'reverse look up' and can usually figure out who is calling.

Saves me a lot of Extra Pitty Pats of my heart. I still get random calls from the BF I broke up with a year ago. Lately he's been calling from Grenada instead of Cayman, like I won't know it is him, sheesh

I sure do love Google!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

hope213

i have been there. take a deep breath, turn the phone off & let the answering machine pick it up. this program takes time just as any thing would. when u do talk to your child & they do not say what u want to hear hang up! it is hard to do but after awhile u will get use to doing it. prayers,

Ilovemysonjj

Same here, There are bill collectors calling for our son. I never answer our home phone. I think that if there is some important news, they will leave a message. Even before the AS was in trouble, when the phone would ring and he was out with his friends, my heart would skip a beat. When he was homeless and on his own, that was the very worst time.
Best to let go and breathe.
TT

CanfixONLYme

Interesting post. Would a 'normie' ever understand our 'fear' of a harmless phone ringing? ---

I turn my cell to silent at night and flip it over so I don't catch the light of it going on if someone is calling. I catch myself checking it during the night when I suddenly awake thinking that 'something has happened' or have that 'sick feeling' that he's been trying to reach me.

When in the morning and I see NO CALLS, I am blissfully happy and content for another day. I can deal with the 'unknown' calls during the day, but at night, it's almost impossible... --- my most vulnerable time... sigh.

kiki5711

Sooo so true. I still keep my phone on silent and check every now and then during the day if there were any calls. I only answer to my husband's call, and my son. All others just want to annoy me with some cr..ap so I don't pay attention to them. If it's something really important they can leave a msg, and if it's life or death, there's always 911.

lonelystar

I totally had the same feelings, dreading the phone , but ive overcome that a bit , I force myself to see the phone and hear the phone like any other normal person I just say to myself whats the worst that it can be ?? , we all know that answer, I accept that with calm and just think this is what god wants, , i answer as calmly as possible , it was hard in the beginning but as the days went by it got easier and now Im to the point of almost being "normal" on the phone.....I say dont let the damn phone push you around!!! good luck

Heartbroken0608

"don't let the damn phone push you around".

LOVE IT!