jessiec

Finally reading "Codepedence No More" and finding so much wisdom in it! This is my favorite passage so far, about detachment/not reacting: "We are like singers in a large chorus. If the guy next to us gets off off key, must we? Wouldn't it help him, and us, more to strive and stay on key? We can learn to hold our part."

I might be starting to get it!

DesertEyes

Isn't it a great book? I love it too.

Well i have absolutely no musical skills, but I get it just the same. The story that helped me understand detachment was the drowning man.

"If a man falls thru the ice and is drowning you throw him a life preserver. If you go out on the ice to rescue him you will fall thru right next to him and you will both drown."

I was drowning in emotion, and slowly going nuts trying to figure out how to get my ex to do what I knew was good for her. I was slowly changing who I was, bending my morals and starting to accept the unacceptable. Her affairs with other men are not acceptable, and I was beginning to accept them in order to keep the marriage afloat.

Except the marriage was not afloat, it had fallen thru the ice and I was right on the edge of falling with it.

Good for you! It took me awhile. I thought detachment meant to be cold, uncaring and indifferent. I just had a misunderstanding. It's the opposite of cold, uncaring and indifferent. It means that I do care, I just am going to help with the benefit of education, the experience of those who have done this before, and without destroying myself in the process.

Mike

TakingCharge999

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.
- Helen Keller