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Making myself stop

Old 11-23-2011, 08:26 PM
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Making myself stop

I know I have a problem, but I can't make myself stop. Why don't I want it bad enough? Do I need to hit bottom? I already go to an outpatient center twice a week (but I still binge) and one of the counselors there told me I am too smart for my own good. I can pull lots of things off and not get caught. Thus, few consequences = no bottom. My grandfather didn't have a bottom either, he died of an alcohol related heart attack at the age of 55. I wish I were dumber so I could hit my bottom faster.
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:36 PM
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Maybe "you" can't make yourself stop. Maybe you are powerless over alcohol?

I found a lot of success in conceding that could not make myself stop, I could not think the drink through, I could not "just say no", I could wake up in the morning and swear it off... but it was of little consequence, it was not my choice to make. I had lost the ability to make that choice long ago.

I found a lot of relief in conceding this, and accepting help in AA from someone who had been where I was, had suffered the same powerlessness I had, but had somehow found power to no longer drink, no longer even think about drinking-not even in passing.
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:40 PM
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I mean, I feel like I can't make myself make the choice to quit drinking for good.
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:44 PM
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So don't. Instead, decide to attend an aa meeting and ask for help. Tell them of your dilemma. I guarantee you will see heads nodding in agreement. Most of us have been there.
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:47 PM
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I was one of those 'smart' guys too - I drank until I knew I simply couldn't get away with it anymore - the problem with that method is a lot of us die, are maimed or end up brain damaged beforehand.

A bottom need not be an event - it can be the moment when you accept that you can't drink anymore and you're going to do whatever it takes not to drink again.

D
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:05 PM
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I wish I were dumber so I could hit my bottom faster.
I really, really hope that in the near future you look back on this post because what I quoted was really damaging to your self-confidence. Your self-confidence can only take so much damage. As far as I see, the primary problem is your mood and confidence level.

I too, was depressed and hated what I became. Once I learned to look at the positives in life, going on walks, and having a smile on my face - Life didn't look so bad after all. When you drink to cover up your pain or problems that exist, you're only coating the pain / problem with more problems. Even if you get black out drunk because, lets say, your co-worker said something hurtful.. When you wake up in the morning, that problem STILL exists and your drinking did absolutely nothing to solve it. You'll eventually need to face the problem or problems head on.

If you were sober and had a clear head, the problem could of been prevented.

When all you do is look into a dark room, you'll see nothing in front of you.. You need to change yourself and that's hard to do, but when you turn on the light and see the possibilities, life becomes a lot better.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Seared View Post
I know I have a problem, but I can't make myself stop. Why don't I want it bad enough? Do I need to hit bottom? I already go to an outpatient center twice a week (but I still binge) and one of the counselors there told me I am too smart for my own good. I can pull lots of things off and not get caught. Thus, few consequences = no bottom. My grandfather didn't have a bottom either, he died of an alcohol related heart attack at the age of 55. I wish I were dumber so I could hit my bottom faster.
Consequences will catch up to you regardless of your level of intelligence. Your grandfather's heart attack is one example. This dis-ease is progressive and eventually your body will waste from ingesting such poison regularly. If you need to see this first hand, don't wait until it happens to you, go and find a hospice currently caring for an end stage alcoholic. Seriously, do it. Watch as that person bleeds from every orifice, literally sweating blood, unable to have pain relief because his/her liver/pancreas/kidneys can no longer accept pain medication. Watch them die horribly, perhaps that will be something that can appeal to your intellect.

The condition of alcoholism has precious little to do with how smart you are, or think you are. 'Smart' alcoholics die with the same regularity as stupid ones. And just so you know, my IQ was documented at 148 in my 20's, yet I bottomed out at 43 having spent my life doing the stupidest things possible, all thanks to booze. In the end, I was about as dumb as a box of rocks regardless of the consequences I thought I'd avoided and how many people I thought I had duped.

"Do I need to hit a bottom"? No, you don't. IF you are really serious about not drinking and truly understand you are being progressively, negatively affected by your drinking, it's a matter of what lengths you are willing to travel in pursuit of ending the struggle. Bottom is not reached through consequences, IMO. Bottom is a state from which you realize you have no control over yourself and from which you are uniquely desperate and afraid of what you have become as a result of your drinking. That can happen without a wrecked car or a stay in ICU for liver failure. Hell, that can happen sitting at a desk writing a report. And as Dee mentioned, if you wait for a bottom, it might not be one you can come back from. There's plenty of smart alcoholics who end up with wet brain or die from acute liver failure, never having seen their bottom in time.

Maybe it's a question of how much insanity one can tolerate in order to continue living the lie. Apparently I had an extremely high tolerance for insanity, because it took a decade of worsening conditions, eventually almost dying in ICU 3 times in one night before I came to grips with my drinking. That does not have to be your story.

One last thing, and you can take this to the bank. When the consequences do come, they come at lightning speed. It happens very quickly once you've passed a certain point. I spent a helluva long time not feeling the brunt of my problem, until one day it all crashed down around me so fast it felt like some sort of perpetual bad dream - one I had a real hard time waking from. Thankfully (or luckily) I got to wake from it with at least half of my IQ and health intact. You might not have that opportunity if you wait too long.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:13 PM
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Hey Seared -

I think many of us don't have a bottom -- regardless of how intelligent we are or aren't. If you can motivate yourself to quit drinking because of negative consequences then you aren't the kind of alcoholic that I was before I got sober 7 months ago. Sure, there's a level of commitment to your recovery that's involved, but it comes in small chunks: one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

Maybe if outpatient rehab isn't working for you then it's time to look into in patient. I found I wasn't able to get sober until I was able to make big changes to my life to make it inconvenient for me to drink, but I couldn't even get to the place where that would make a difference until I had been dry for a month.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:24 PM
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Did I mention that I hate AA.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Seared View Post
Did I mention that I hate AA.
Did I mention AA?
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:33 PM
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That was a really great post, binder.

Originally Posted by Seared View Post
I mean, I feel like I can't make myself make the choice to quit drinking for good.
If you perceive alcohol intoxication to be what it really is, you won't have to convince yourself to stop. It could be that you have deep seated psychological issues that are using alcoholism to manifest how you really feel comfortable in life. Or the euphoria may be tricking your intellect into missing the way alcohol is affecting your mental and motor skills. That happened to me. It really helps me to keep from drinking when I recognize alcohol intoxication for what it is.

Alcohol intoxication distorts feelings and emotions, causes depression and delusions, automatically disqualifies your credibility, puts you physically in danger because you can't protect yourself like you should, makes real contact with other human beings impossible.

Alcohol intoxication is fun though, I have to admit, I get A LOT of euphoria out of it, but at what price? All of the aforementioned. I can think of better ways to get euphoria and fun out of life than alcohol intoxication. Such as hang gliding (it would be safer than drinking, but still give the adrenaline rush), sports, playing games, exploring, stuff like that.

I hope this helps you truly want to stop, because I think you can do most things, within reason, that you actually want to do. Right now you want to drink, because you don't perceive alcohol to be what it really is. There is no sense in trying to make yourself do something that you don't really want to do. Alcohol messes lots of people up when they are drinking, not just alcoholics. And alcohol could really mess you up too, it certainly messed me up.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:33 PM
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I didn't go to AA either.

There's no mystery to staying sober - essentially you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Support, of whatever kind, is a pretty big help in those times when the line between the two gets a little fuzzy.

D
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:35 PM
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Originally Posted by eJoshua View Post
Did I mention AA?
I was responding to EricL who suggested AA meetings.

I don't want to do inpatient either.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Seared View Post
I was responding to EricL who suggested AA meetings.

I don't want to do inpatient either.
OIC.

What do you want to do then?
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:45 PM
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(((Seared))) - there are various methods of recovery. I've abused a few things, crack was what brought me to my knees. However, there are a couple decades, in there, when I didn't want help, I didn't want rehab, etc.

Just MY experience, but even at the end of my using, I didn't really want to quit using - I just wanted the damned consequences to go away. I wasn't really happy using when I relapsed, but I didn't want to let it go.

Some people really don't hit bottoms. I was smart, still am, but all that did was make me a smart addict. I've lost people I loved to addiction - that was THEIR bottom.

I've had to do a few things I didn't want (thanks to my consequences) but I've learned a lot from the people here, and had to want recovery more than anything else before I went after it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Seared View Post
I don't want to do inpatient either.
I can see you making declarations about what you're NOT willing to do, yet not so much about what you are willing to do in order to combat your drinking problem. You've mentioned attending an outpatient program, one that is obviously not helping you to stay sober, so are you willing to do something else, something more?

Thing is; since you are the person drinking when you don't want to, I'd suggest you aren't the best person to look to for judgments on what can help you or not. Kinda the same as asking the guy with 10 wrecked cars in his back yard how to avoid accidents.

Sometimes what we don't like is exactly what we do need. Just sayin'.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:59 PM
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I'm spending Thanksgiving with my girlfriend and her relatives, some of who are addicts/alcoholics in recovery. Some have spent several years in jail. This should be interesting.
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Old 11-24-2011, 05:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect View Post
Just MY experience, but even at the end of my using, I didn't really want to quit using - I just wanted the damned consequences to go away.
Interesting. Explains why I was increasingly spending a lot of energy in hiding my drinking. I didn't want to suffer the consequences of my wife knowing the extent of my addiction, so I hid it as much as possible.

I too am a smart fellow and it took me some time to accept my problem with alcohol. An alcoholic? No way! I'm too smart for that to happen.

It was humbling to admit my addiction. Really humbling.
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Old 11-24-2011, 06:12 AM
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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

On anther thread Dee and I both posted this link. Is there anything there that you don't hate or would be willing to try?

What would you be willing to try or what lengths are you willing to go to stay sober and not relapsing?

Last edited by Dee74; 11-24-2011 at 01:37 PM. Reason: fixed link
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Old 11-24-2011, 06:33 AM
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I'll never be able to learn my lesson, I just have to live with that. Some people are able to learn their lesson, but I can't.
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