Things my normie friends don't understand
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Things my normie friends don't understand
I can't stand Facebook today.
So many of my friends are counting down to the end of the workday and "pouring my first [insert alcoholic beverage of choice here]!"
What I want to say to them is, and I will, some version of:
But you know, if you say anything of the sort, you're a killjoy. People "work so hard and deserve to relax" and people "aren't alcoholics so what's wrong with having a few drinks on the holidays?" and "It's just part of the celebration."
I wish the adults that drink could see the fallout on the kids. And I wish the adults who are government bureaucrats would give the children who have a choice the right to make one.
So many of my friends are counting down to the end of the workday and "pouring my first [insert alcoholic beverage of choice here]!"
What I want to say to them is, and I will, some version of:
I grew up with alcohol-free holidays. My grandparents were teetotallers and didn't tolerate alcohol at family functions. My parents would occasionally drink, but never during the holidays. I'm reminded of that today as my children have been anxious and needy and crying for the past 24 hours because the law says they need to spend Thanksgiving with an adult who will be drinking.
I would like to have had the judge, and the Office of Children's Services people, who all came to the conclusion that my children are not at any risk at AXH's house, on speed dial, so that they could have come to my house at 11 pm last night, and at 2 am, and again at 4 am, when my children came into my bedroom crying and anxious and asking me "what do I do if Dad drinks at his friends' Thanksgiving party and then tries to drive home?" and "what do I do if Dad passes out at his friends' Thanksgiving party?" and "Why do we have to go to Dad's for Thanksgiving?" and "How come some adults have to drink to have fun?" and "Why don't kids get to choose when they could be with adults who do fun things with the kids on holidays instead of sitting alone and watching a bunch of adults get drunk and scary?"
I would like to have had the judge, and the Office of Children's Services people, who all came to the conclusion that my children are not at any risk at AXH's house, on speed dial, so that they could have come to my house at 11 pm last night, and at 2 am, and again at 4 am, when my children came into my bedroom crying and anxious and asking me "what do I do if Dad drinks at his friends' Thanksgiving party and then tries to drive home?" and "what do I do if Dad passes out at his friends' Thanksgiving party?" and "Why do we have to go to Dad's for Thanksgiving?" and "How come some adults have to drink to have fun?" and "Why don't kids get to choose when they could be with adults who do fun things with the kids on holidays instead of sitting alone and watching a bunch of adults get drunk and scary?"
I wish the adults that drink could see the fallout on the kids. And I wish the adults who are government bureaucrats would give the children who have a choice the right to make one.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
I was just noticing the same. I've hidden some friend's updates, and have a few that I'm pretty close to unfriending. A few that I've wondered why accepted the friend request. (I'm pretty sure you didn't speak 2 words to me in high school, now I'm your friend? unhmmmm)
One old friend, who's usually pretty good about posting info about her kids and family, posted Dr. Oz's remedy for a hangover. Wonder what their plans are... Nope not stopping by, thanks.
Hear, hear, 2nd this:
DS isn't quite to that age yet, but I think he should have the chance to have a say in making choices about his safety when he gets older.
One old friend, who's usually pretty good about posting info about her kids and family, posted Dr. Oz's remedy for a hangover. Wonder what their plans are... Nope not stopping by, thanks.
Hear, hear, 2nd this:
I wish the adults that drink could see the fallout on the kids. And I wish the adults who are government bureaucrats would give the children who have a choice the right to make one.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
I think that living with an A really makes a person hate alcohol completely. I used to be able to relax and have a beer or two every so often, say once every 3 to 6 months depending on my mood. NOW, I feel guilty about having one especially if the A is around, which he usually is.
What I am trying to say is that I think it is perfectly normal for most families to have a drink or two with other adults on the holidays. What sucks is to try to guess and speculate on just how completely demolished YOUR A is going to be and how much of a jerk he is going to be. I feel for the kids who have to spend their time with an A when they would rather not. I think they should have a say where they want to spend a special holiday.
And wouldn't you know that the A would rather have the kids with him rather than they go where they feel safe and comfortable. What a crappy situation for them?
Yes, normal people do not know what it feels like to be forced to trust a person who you know is going to fail in the drink department. It is a helpless feeling especially when there are children involved.
HUGS to you lilamy. I pray that you and your kiddos have an enjoyable and safe holiday.
What I am trying to say is that I think it is perfectly normal for most families to have a drink or two with other adults on the holidays. What sucks is to try to guess and speculate on just how completely demolished YOUR A is going to be and how much of a jerk he is going to be. I feel for the kids who have to spend their time with an A when they would rather not. I think they should have a say where they want to spend a special holiday.
And wouldn't you know that the A would rather have the kids with him rather than they go where they feel safe and comfortable. What a crappy situation for them?
Yes, normal people do not know what it feels like to be forced to trust a person who you know is going to fail in the drink department. It is a helpless feeling especially when there are children involved.
HUGS to you lilamy. I pray that you and your kiddos have an enjoyable and safe holiday.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
My thoughts & prayers for your little ones - prayers of protection for them, comfort for you!
No it isn't right for them to HAVE to go somewhere that isn't safe, fun or relaxing!
I too wish my step-son could see how many times his daughter (our granddaughter) gets up in the nite for the next few days after he sweeps in for a quick visit and then leaves her to back to his "party life" ~ but it doesn't matter to him right now, he's controlled by his disease - selfish, self-centered & self-seeking.
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving & he hasn't even called to see about visiting her. Such is the disease!
You keep taking care of YOU & those precious little ones! I pray that soon they will be able to NOT have to be exposed to that unhealthy environment.
AND yes in my PINK world we celebrate Holidays without alcohol - amazingly we have a wonderful time!
PINK HUGS!
Rita
No it isn't right for them to HAVE to go somewhere that isn't safe, fun or relaxing!
I too wish my step-son could see how many times his daughter (our granddaughter) gets up in the nite for the next few days after he sweeps in for a quick visit and then leaves her to back to his "party life" ~ but it doesn't matter to him right now, he's controlled by his disease - selfish, self-centered & self-seeking.
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving & he hasn't even called to see about visiting her. Such is the disease!
You keep taking care of YOU & those precious little ones! I pray that soon they will be able to NOT have to be exposed to that unhealthy environment.
AND yes in my PINK world we celebrate Holidays without alcohol - amazingly we have a wonderful time!
PINK HUGS!
Rita
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
Ya know, I haven't had a drink in months. I don't want it around me. I used to have wine with dinner, but when I was with X I couldn't have it in the house, because when he finished his, he would move on to mine.
I cringe too when I read facebook. I have a cousin who is posts his "adventures" several times a week. He is in his early 20s. Both of his parents are already dead of drugs/alcohol.
I know that when I used to drink, it was a beverage, not an activity. I know that many people do drink responsibly. I wonder why it makes me sick to my stomach to even watch a beer comercial though.
I cringe too when I read facebook. I have a cousin who is posts his "adventures" several times a week. He is in his early 20s. Both of his parents are already dead of drugs/alcohol.
I know that when I used to drink, it was a beverage, not an activity. I know that many people do drink responsibly. I wonder why it makes me sick to my stomach to even watch a beer comercial though.
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,360
Lillamy, I love this thread, your original post - thanks.
I just feel myself inwardly letting out an "ARGH!!" whenever I see that there are some who just don't feel a celebration is a celebration unless it involves alcohol. WTF IS that?? I've written the Food Network a few times asking to please include NON ALCOHOLIC beverages that taste great with whatever they're serving. I mean come on, it is possible to be a gourmet without alcohol.
thanks for listening...
I just feel myself inwardly letting out an "ARGH!!" whenever I see that there are some who just don't feel a celebration is a celebration unless it involves alcohol. WTF IS that?? I've written the Food Network a few times asking to please include NON ALCOHOLIC beverages that taste great with whatever they're serving. I mean come on, it is possible to be a gourmet without alcohol.
thanks for listening...
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
I don't mind people having a drink or two on occassion, I sometimes have a glass of wine myself, but I do resent the dominating idea that is the only way you can have good time/ relax at social gatherings.
The thing that really bothers me is how much the drinking is promoted in some sitcomes or movies. The first one that comes to my mind is "how I met your mother" which I think is a very good sitcome, but the problem with it is that all 5 main caracters drink all the time. And it has nothing to do with a plot, it doesn't serve any purpose in the story they just drink all the time, as that is completely normal thing to do. I'm just waiting for the scene when those two kids on the couch are going to say: "Dad you're an alcoholic".
And I'm sure a lot of young people like that one or similar sitcomes so by watching it they adopt such lifestyles as normal.
It amazes me that we live in the world when there is such a public awarness of so many things health wise, healthy diet, what foods containt what unhealhy ingridients, smoking being banned from everything,... and we still have drinking presented as the most normal thing.
The thing that really bothers me is how much the drinking is promoted in some sitcomes or movies. The first one that comes to my mind is "how I met your mother" which I think is a very good sitcome, but the problem with it is that all 5 main caracters drink all the time. And it has nothing to do with a plot, it doesn't serve any purpose in the story they just drink all the time, as that is completely normal thing to do. I'm just waiting for the scene when those two kids on the couch are going to say: "Dad you're an alcoholic".
And I'm sure a lot of young people like that one or similar sitcomes so by watching it they adopt such lifestyles as normal.
It amazes me that we live in the world when there is such a public awarness of so many things health wise, healthy diet, what foods containt what unhealhy ingridients, smoking being banned from everything,... and we still have drinking presented as the most normal thing.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 130
Amen! I have friends on Facebook who are always looking forward to their "relaxation time" and often sing the praises of their intended alcoholic drink. At one time, I believed there was absolutely nothing wrong with drinking in moderation -- and in some reality somewhere, that's still true. Me, I'm surrounded by alcoholics, and the mere mention of a drink or a bar turns my stomach. I mean...my cousin's wife just confided in me that she's desperately hoping she'll get pregnant before her 21st birthday just so there won't be constant pressure to go to the bar! Seriously, I would break anonymity with fellow SR friends if there was any chance for a great big alcohol-free get-together for the holidays. My AH had been taking it easy for a while because he didn't have any money...but he'd actually managed to pull back and stop drinking when he still had cigarette money.
I got stupid and started looking forward to the holidays this year -- and he just got paid on Tuesday, the last unemployment check he'll get (unless Congress decides something...) and he's been a drunken a-hole since. My parents (AF and RaM) are supposed to be here this afternoon for Thanksgiving dinner, and nothing is ready except the turkey (that he split in half trying to pull the giblet pack out the wrong end). Thankfully, my mom has been fully warned of the current reality, so she's still coming in order to support me, and we're just hoping he's passed out before they show up so I can hide the beer he intends to offer AF (who will also have been drinking all day and night already). He actually spent two hours on Tuesday night lecturing me about how my method for cooking Ramen noodles was going to burn the water...and he got extremely angry when I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at the thought. Oh yes, doesn't alcohol make holidays FUN??
I got stupid and started looking forward to the holidays this year -- and he just got paid on Tuesday, the last unemployment check he'll get (unless Congress decides something...) and he's been a drunken a-hole since. My parents (AF and RaM) are supposed to be here this afternoon for Thanksgiving dinner, and nothing is ready except the turkey (that he split in half trying to pull the giblet pack out the wrong end). Thankfully, my mom has been fully warned of the current reality, so she's still coming in order to support me, and we're just hoping he's passed out before they show up so I can hide the beer he intends to offer AF (who will also have been drinking all day and night already). He actually spent two hours on Tuesday night lecturing me about how my method for cooking Ramen noodles was going to burn the water...and he got extremely angry when I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at the thought. Oh yes, doesn't alcohol make holidays FUN??
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I blocked lots of people lately and it feels great. I also blocked people from my life. There ARE normal people out there. I have no business interacting with toxic ones. I am too vulnerable and I don't want to go to "that place" anymore.
I drink socially but I don't have any bottle at home, say one drink with food in a nice restaurant sometimes and that's the end of it. Young women drink more in my country than they did a few years ago and it makes me sad. Normies don't get it at all, they have no idea about how it feels like to have lost someone due to alcohol. Now with Christmas and stuff it gets worse but we can create our own healthy environment, regardless of what others think or do...
I drink socially but I don't have any bottle at home, say one drink with food in a nice restaurant sometimes and that's the end of it. Young women drink more in my country than they did a few years ago and it makes me sad. Normies don't get it at all, they have no idea about how it feels like to have lost someone due to alcohol. Now with Christmas and stuff it gets worse but we can create our own healthy environment, regardless of what others think or do...
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
I don't really understand the whole notion of "having a few drinks to relax." Why can't someone read a book to relax. Or take a warm bubble bath. Maybe sit on the couch and stare at the wall. What is the deal with using a substance to "relax"? Now, I do agree that many of us may be a tad touchy on the alcohol subject because we have been through so much with the alcoholics in our lives. I too find myself looking at Facebook friend's statuses with disgust as I read about hangovers and some drunken party, and I just do not understand the FUN in it anymore. Nor do I want to anymore.
I feel this one. My husband and I spent so much money on a new wardrobe for him. Some very nice golf shirts and shorts just so I could watch him stagger around in those same, now wrinkled, clothes and spill wine all down the front or get some grease stain that will never come out.
I know because of what I have been through this is how I feel, but I just do not get the necessity of having alcohol to have fun or to relax. I used to get it, but now I don’t. I personally relax with a nice book or a good movie, and I choose to spend holidays or parties alcohol free with family and friends that want to remember the day.
Originally Posted by hydrogirl 
Drinking as part of a glamorous lifestyle has been well marketed, eh? Nothing says glamorous more than staggering around in your designer clothes slurring your words....
I know because of what I have been through this is how I feel, but I just do not get the necessity of having alcohol to have fun or to relax. I used to get it, but now I don’t. I personally relax with a nice book or a good movie, and I choose to spend holidays or parties alcohol free with family and friends that want to remember the day.
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