humnbird

Hi all,

I finally heard a clear message of recovery last night after going to 50+ alanon meetings. Speaker was great, had 24 years of actively working the steps..

Somehow, everyone KNEW I was "new" even though I have been going to meetings sporadically for over a year... It's kind of hard to accept...bc I do have years in AA, that I have to just listen and absorb instead of contributing (--> ego)...

Still looking for a sponsor, why is it so hard to find one!! No one stands up if they are able (there's no announcement)... I met 3 women who have 3+ yeasr in alanon yet have never gotten past step 1??? I want recovery!!!

Any suggestions?

LifeRecovery

We don't stand up either in our group meetings and it took me awhile to figure it out.

I live on the boarder of one state and have found that there are local "conferences" that have really been helpful in ironing some of that out for me. I went to one a few months ago on finding a sponsor etc, and I might go across state lines to do it.

Also at that meeting I got a message to read at the begining of the meetings to show a hand of sponsors...but have not yet gotten a chance to get it to a Group Conscience.

I found that if I saw something I like it was worth asking if they were open to having a a sponsoree.

CatsPajamas

In the meetings in my area, they pass around a telephone list from time to time (not every meeting). People who are willing to be a sponsor or a temporary sponsor indicate that on the list.

It's different in different areas, but after awhile I found someone who I could relate to and who seemed to be working a good program herself, and I approached her after a meeting and asked if she would be my sponsor.

I have had quite a few friends who were double winners, and the consistent message was how different the program was from the other side of the rooms. It's a different approach from what they've told me.

It's so great that you heard a good message. I've made some deep and lasting friendships as a result of good speakers and also come amazing conferences.

I love Al Anon.

DesertEyes

Hello humnbird, and pleased to "meet" you

I am a "double winner", which is the nick name given to peeps who qualify for both al-anon and AA. The two programs may be based on the same 12 steps, but the fundamental approach is worlds apart.

AA's have spent their drinking career ruining other people's lives, along with their own. If they don't quit pretty soon they will die, and they might kill a few others as well. Those that love them are most at risk. So that program has a strong "Do it or die" flavor.

Al-anons have spent their co-dependent career having their life ruined by the person they love the most. The alkie spouse has berated them and abused them to point that they may get killed pretty soon. The last thing an alanoid needs is to find a room full of people that treats them with the same pushiness and agressiveness they receive at home every day. So that program has a strong "We are here when you are ready" flavor.

I find a sponsor in al-anon by grabbing the phone list and calling every single person on it. I ask them how the programs works for them. If their answer resonates with me I put a check mark by their name on the list. Then I call the next one on the list.

When I've gone thru the whole list I start over at the top. The ones with a checkmark I ask out for coffee and have them tell me how this "recovery thing" works. I shut up and listen.

Then I start again, asking them all out for coffee one more time. And I keep doing that.

It doesn't take long before I have found a small group of friends, and one who turns out to have the kind of recovery that I want to have. I've had this sponsor for six years now, and he's become my very best friend. His wife says she thinks of me as part of the family. She sponsors women in AA, some of whom have taken to calling me "bro".

It all starts with a very small action, a phone call. Which is not that different than in AA

Mike

sandladyvb

It took me a year and a half to find a Sponsor. I consistently went to meetings and called members in between meetings. I also drank a lot of coffee after the meetings. At first, I was looking for exactly someone in my situation and like me. Then, I wanted someone who worked a perfect program. As it turned out, my Sponsor was right under my nose all of the time. By then, I realized that my Sponsor would be human and perhaps have a few flaws. It all fell into place. I just kept going to meetings, listening to other members share, identified with them rather than expecting them to be just like me or focusing on how different I was from them. So, it wasn't instant gratification. I was a searcher who just kept on seeking.

Although I moved to another state, my first Sponsor and I worked our programs closely together for 18 years. We're still great friends. I had trouble finding a second Sponsor after I moved. It took me about six years to finally settle in with another Sponsor. She was terrific and had such an incredible perspective on life and recovery. She start the program in 1961. She recently died at age 95. I miss speaking with her and loved her dearly but understood that she had so many health issues that life was difficult for her. So, I learned to love her enough to let her go.

Then I moved again when the company I work for relocated. It took me awhile to find a new Sponsor. She moved here from another state. A mutual friend gave her my phone number and we met at the very first meeting she attended. So here I am again...I've been in Al-Anon for 34 years and although it takes longer to find a Sponsor, it happens in God's time. I just keep coming back and doing the next right thing. I can learn a lot from any member. But it really does help me to have a Sponsor.