RyanRed

Hey hey guys! Hows everyone doing? Doing great here! Still sober, and still moving forward. Loving every second of this sober life! Wooohooo!!!!

So, to the point.

I just past the 6 month sober mark, and I love the way I'm feeling these days. Clear minded, anxiety free (well almost), refreshed, rejuvenated, lost some weight, not a hangover in site, and just all around freakin AWESOME!!!

But heres the thing.

Every so often when I'm having a good time, like I am right now, I get a stupid urge to drink. For example: Today I'm just sitting around the house, I got some loud energetic music blasting, I'm filled with energy, and just as happy as can be! Then out of no where my mind says, "Damn I wish I could drink right now. It would fit so well with the mood I'm in right now!"

Now let me stop all of you in your "don't do it man" tracks right now hahaha. Don't worry I have no plan to drink. I love being sober more than anything, and wouldn't throw it away for a stupid buzz. But my point is,

WHAT THE HELL BRAIN?!?!

Why can't I have a good time, and feel great without that ******** arse old voice popping up from time to time. Its not a strong voice, but it pops up, and I don't like it (mind you, its not eveytime I have fun). I'm sure its all part of staying sober, but I just wish I could go enjoy myself without that dumb way of thinking. Because truly, it makes no sense at all. I KNOW where I would end up if I did drink. I KNOW what it would lead too. I KNOW I NEVER want to be there again. But why why why why WHY do I think it would be fun to drink again in certain moments/occasions? Who knows...because I do know the reality of it.

So BLAH! hahahaha thats all I gotta say to that
I'm really just venting is all.

But all and all everything is great! My life is changing, and the people close to me see it in all aspects of my life (I even have old drinking friends whom still drink telling me how awesome I'm doing, and to stay sober...*cough* hypocrites!! hahaha but that's another story lol). Staying sober has also helped me regain general confidence in basic life things. When I look back, I really can see how much of a freakin mess I was. Hell, I'm still a mess hahahaha. Just less of one . Well...A LOT LESS OF ONE .

Feelin GOOOOOOOOODDDD PEOPLE!

Stay strong my friends!!!

-Ryan

EmeraldRose

Good to hear from you Ryan. That alcoholic brain is a funny thing, ey?
Keep on doing what you're doing. You're a great inspiration for newbies since you are younger and in touch with that drinking crowd. It's tough to get away and create a true identity for yourself.

MsJax

Hi Ryan, wow, thank you, I feel like I could have written that post! I know I'm never going back to the booze~I know waaaayyyy too much to go back~but that old feeling sure cropped up in me this past Saturday. Got through it just fine, I'm at 8 months tomorrow.

Congratulations on how you're dealing with things and your sober time

Dee74

I drank for 20 years Ryan - as good as sober life was/is, it still took longer than 6 months for those thoughts to shut up....

As you say it wasn't a problem any way - theres no way I'd negate all I've done since I got sober by drinking again...it's ceased to be a viable option

congratulations on 6 months
D

mechanicpsyco

Funny you mentioned this, I am only day two. But in the garage cleaning up all the beer cans and boxes and such with Slipknot blasting I noticed I was salivating and could taste beer, weird mind game huh.....

MsJax

hi mechanic, your post made me laugh . I remember a couple months after I got sober I was in the grocery store and a 12 pack of frosty rolling rock bottles caught my eye. I drooled, literally, right there in Albertson's. So embarrassing, glad that's over...

RyanRed

I hear ya brother. I think music triggers me a lot, and it sounds like it may have triggered you too. But right on on day 2 man! When I was on day two, I was laying in bed thinking the world was collapsing in around me hahaha. I had the DT's BAD. Cleaning anything was out of the picture. But hats off to you sir! That's awesome. I can honestly tell you that being sober is far superior my friend. In the future, you will be challenged in ways I can't totally explain, but when you pass those challenges it only makes you stronger...A LOT STRONGER. It's soooooooo worth it my friend!

-Ryan

Dee74

if you often hung out in your garage drinking, and listening to Slipknot, or had a can in your hand while you cleaned up, then it's probably not so strange MP

D

sugarbear1

Alcoholism. It wants us to feed it. Mine wants me dead.

Those thoughts can creep up on us. Try journaling.

I wish you long term sobriety.

eJoshua

Congratulations on 6 months, that is superb. I have no doubt that your thoughts will continue to improve, especially if you remain mindful about them like you have been.

Tuesday24

Thanks for sharing that.

I find that certain types of music make my AV go into over drive. I think it has something to do with my old habits. If you don't change- nothing changes.

Way to go!!!

IndaMiricale

Awesome Ryan

Thanks for the post so nice to see you and see your so well .

Keep on keepin on my friend till the next time

Scolova

Great job on six months!
I hear yall, There sure are tunes that remind me of my weed smoking days and tunes that make me think of drinking. "Just saying NO."

Pigtails

I'm a bit discouraged to think that 5.5 months from now, I'll still be fighting this demon, but, encouraged that it's gotten better for you and you stay strong. That's great. Thank you for sharing.

Hevyn

Ryan - I almost forgot, but that happened to me too in the beginning. It was like I wanted to sabotage myself. Why the need to improve on an already good time? Weird. I don't have those thoughts anymore at all.

Glad to see you so cheery and upbeat.

UofI2008

I had 5 months once and gave in to those thoughts. Great Job, you seem to have a great grasp on your sobriety!!!!!

soberred

I have always loved reading your positive inspiring posts Ryan. Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you are doing. I am at 4 months right now but I would be right along side of you had I not relapsed for two months. I love being sober too. Every day is a blessing. I get those tiny voices now and again. And it is usually when I am in my house with the stereo blasting a fun song and I'm dancing around. It may be a life long thing for us. Kind of like seeing something that reminds you of a fun part of your childhood. Maybe a smell or a song that brings back memories. It is nice to be strong enough to let it just pass by isn't it? You are doing amazing . Congrats on 6 months. Keep coming back to tell us how wonderful you are doing in your life. It gives the newbes hope.

soberlicious

Herein lies the key for me...in dealing with any uncomfortable thoughts/feelings not just those related to drinking.

What has helped me is looking at it from a brain function point of view. Just as Pavlov's dog salivates upon hearing the bell....even before the sight or smell of food, so our brains react to stimuli. It has helped me because it takes away the "What is going on?! What am I doing wrong?! When will this stop?!" type thoughts I would get if I ever had a flash of a drinking thought like you described, RyanRed. I don't avoid things that seem to "trigger" these thoughts, because I know that it's a matter of time and reconditioning in a true behavioral sense and these thoughts will change. They have for me. I am an educator and I have a son with autism...because of these facts, I know for sure and first hand that any behavior can be modified over time. Time and consistency...

I am coming up on five years sans booze. Drinking is not nor will ever be an option under any circumstances. I rarely get a fleeting thought anymore...but on occasion my brain will react to some sort of stimuli and a thought will pass almost like a blink of an eye. Now when that happens it's more like I'm looking at it from the outside and observing...like "wow...that's wierd" LOL Buddhist concepts have also helped me understand and more easily allow these thoughts/feelings to pass through as they may, without getting my panties in an unnecessary wad.

Best to you RyanRed...I always love your posts!!!

NewBeginning010

Hi Ryan,

Firstly... congrats on the sober time bro, that's awesome. I think we all have that voice that wants to remind us how great it was/is to have a couple of drinks at a party, picnic, concert, after a long day, while ........... {insert everything here}. I have been doing that for 20 plus years so it has been pretty ingrained, hard wired & connected to lots of good times (as well as bad) and everything else I did (mundane tasks too).

I find talking to that voice as if it was a separate part of me that wants to go back to old bad behaviors. I think about & connect with feelings about all of the negative things that have happened in my life due to drinking, things I have lost, people I have hurt (myself included) & all of the embarrassing things I have done after picking up a drink (which leads to 10 plus) not to mention the health problems. Lets not forget the horrible hangovers & days of our lives wasted due to our drinking.

After connecting to my past memories & feelings of all of the negative consequences that drinking has had on my life I then tell my old self. "No thank you, alcohol no longer supports me in my life. I want to live a healthy, happy, harmonious life filled with love & abundance. I am so happy & grateful for everything I now have in my life, thank you for reminding me of that. I know you want us to have a good time, that used to be the way we did it for a long time, with a drink. Now we do it courageously without a drink, we face life full on with authenticity & honesty. Lets share a sparkling water together & have a toast to our new life as we say goodbye to the old."

The above version is the home or I have time to reflect, connect & respond version, it changes slightly depending on the day but the basics are always the same. When that thought of "A drink would be nice right now" thought comes up I go with a short version that is now connected to the long one.

"We don't drink anymore remember? Our lives are so much better now, thank you for reminding me. What non alcoholic beverage should we have to keep that going? Thank you for understanding & supporting our new sober life"

My relationship with that voice is getting better & better and we are starting to understand each-other. I find that "urge voice" is coming up less & less, who knows maybe it (the voice) is starting to understand that things really are better this way.

Sorry for the long post (+1 if your still reading lol) but it felt good to get it out in writing (thanks for that btw ;-) Best of luck on your journey & sobriety.

Please keep on posting, I enjoyed your writing.

Take Care ~ NB