GoMan

Hi All

Just need to vent here...

Been working on my sobriety. From earlier posts, I indicated that I am a rather hi-functioning alcoholic who has a history of hiding/sneaking booze from my wife. My wife is a recreational wine drinker and will have a glass or two a few times a week. She's an elementary school teacher and probably needs it! (A Joke!) Anyway, my wife's parents are coming up to vist for Thanksgiving and there will be the usual wine and cheese happy hour thing. My wife's parents are not alcoholic either. They are all able to enjoy the comraderie of the happy hour event for an hour and then it's done. If I was drinking, I could not do that as that would be just a warm up for me!

I realize that I need to make peace with all this because I am the alcoholic but it's still tough. I can't tell my wife what angst this causes me because that would throw up all kinds of red flags. We are just now getting back to a trusting place in our 24 year marriage.

Like I said...just venting but just to see everyone laughing and raising a glass bugs the crap out of me!

GoMan

Dee74

Not trying to be rude here, but how can you get back to a trusting place in your marriage if you're not honest GoMan?

D

GoMan

Very true Dee. Looks like I still have to figure out a few things. Thanks for pointing out something that should be obvious.

GoMan

doggonecarl

I think you might be projecting the role alcohol plays in your life onto your family. If they are "normal" drinkers, then not having wine in support of you shouldn't be an issue. However, if they are determined to have wine in spite of your request...then that's a whole different issue. Maybe they aren't the "recreational" drinkers you say they are.

sugarbear1

Use your high functioning brain & be honest with your wife. Little lies will have us drunk-again & again & again...

MsJax

Hi GoMan. I wish for you that you didn't have to have alcohol in your home at this critical time. Not bring married, I know it is easier for me to have "house rules", but I do not keep alcohol in my home. Home is my safe haven in a very crazy world/work life. I do date some and the guys I see know me well & it's never a problem. It's not an issue (no alcohol), it's just the way it is. Try telling the truth to your wife about alcohol, it may help build trust and she may be proud of you & happy you confided in her.

Hevyn

GoMan - I don't know what to suggest, but I felt the same way my first sober Thanksgiving. I was very resentful & angry that I couldn't have my usual 20 drinks... but why? It hadn't been fun for a very long time. All I was missing out on was getting tanked and having a horrible hangover (complete with 'hair of the dog') the next day.

I see it that way now, but I didn't that first holiday season. I can tell you that it will feel better & get easier each time you make it over one of these hurdles. I do think you should share with your wife what you told us. It'll be ok GoMan!

SamanthaIam

Hi GoMan, a little different perspective from what others have said here...

I really used to beat myself up because I am the alcoholic. But through several attempts at recovery (with this current one being the most successful), I came to realize that my husband has a vested interest in keeping me "the bad guy" -- and as such has not been supportive or helpful, but rather has always been judgemental and undermining when I have stopped drinking.

My husband continues to drink in front of me every day. The thing is, this time I have not asked him to support me, in fact, have barely talked to him about the fact that I am not drinking, because it would trigger his active resistance to my attempts to make myself better.

I do not think I am being "dishonest" with him... rather I am being "true" to myself. (any decisions or actions about this situation, I will deal with later. Right now, my recovery is #1 with me)

I'm not saying this is what's going on with your situation, just that being sober seems to make things clearer and as you become stronger, you'll have an easier time of sorting out. Just remember your top priority is YOU. What others decide to do, right or wrong, you can't do anything about. But you can take care of yourself.

Terminally Unique

Support is a double edged sword, so much so that I intentionally chose never to rely on it in order to abstain. If I did, my twisted brain would inevitably think "well, people are drinking in front of me, again, how rude! If I don't get some support here, from everyone, I'm going to drink! Oh well, no support? Bottoms up !!!"

soberlicious

Sam, I was in a situation for many years where the other person had a vested interest in keeping me drunk. Once you realize this, it's much easier to go about doing what you need to do. Support can be important for many things in life, but like TU, it doesn't work for me for abstaining. That is between me, myself, and I.

Ranger

GoMan - you paint a difficult picture. For your consideration, all I can say is my victory over alcohol began with admitting the problem to my unsuspecting spouse. But this victory was not attained because of her support. Rather, after fessing up I came to understand that in my case, alcohol's grip was tightened by all of the lies and deceptions. Once I came clean (after being caught hiding booze, mind you), the balance of power shifted from addiction to recovery. It was pretty amazing.