Emotional Weekend, Day 4
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 7
Emotional Weekend, Day 4
Day four. Sober after five - seven years of drinking every night. The last year, two bottles of wine or a lot of gin every night. Thursday night was my last night with a drink and it was 1/4th of the norm, per drs. orders.
I just need to get something off my chest. This is the only place I feel comfortable letting it out. Other than your guys, there are two people who I can talk to about this and know what is going on... my dr. & my husband.
What a tough weekend. The nights were not as bad I thought they were going to be. The withdrawal was not as bad as I thought it was going to be... the emotional aspect of things was much worse than I ever expected. The tears were flowing yesterday, not only from me but from my husband as well. The amount of guilt that is being felt by both of us is horrible. Apparently I was a very mean drunk on several occasions. He did not know how or was afraid to confront me the next day. The worst part of it is I have no recollection of any of the instances. It makes me incredibly sad. I hurt him horribly. He feels an enormous amount of responsibility because as he put it "I knew what you were doing". We are just at the start of the journey and I am hopeful to reach the other side with him. I don't know what else to say... I feel drained.
Thanks for listening.
I just need to get something off my chest. This is the only place I feel comfortable letting it out. Other than your guys, there are two people who I can talk to about this and know what is going on... my dr. & my husband.
What a tough weekend. The nights were not as bad I thought they were going to be. The withdrawal was not as bad as I thought it was going to be... the emotional aspect of things was much worse than I ever expected. The tears were flowing yesterday, not only from me but from my husband as well. The amount of guilt that is being felt by both of us is horrible. Apparently I was a very mean drunk on several occasions. He did not know how or was afraid to confront me the next day. The worst part of it is I have no recollection of any of the instances. It makes me incredibly sad. I hurt him horribly. He feels an enormous amount of responsibility because as he put it "I knew what you were doing". We are just at the start of the journey and I am hopeful to reach the other side with him. I don't know what else to say... I feel drained.
Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
I'm glad you are getting through the days. Yes, it's an emotional time, and it's hard to manage the guilt and shame. But, it's necessary to keep it in perspective or it can drive you back to drinking again. For me, it was a long process to make peace with myself over things I had said.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Recovery is an extremely emotionally draining time. You are lucky to have your husband supporting you. You may both have issues of coming to terms with true feelings associated with your drinking. It's ok. Once resolved you both will be the better for it.
It may be beneficial to seek a counselor, get it all out, learn how to process the feelings and then...let it go.
There is nothing you can do or say to bring those times back to change the outcome. Learning to deal with our irresponsible behavior and leaving it behind is part of recovery.
I did and said alot of dumb things in the 30 years I drank. Oh well....can't change it have to deal with it...move on...
Wishing you peace and strength.
And congratulations on your sober days.
It may be beneficial to seek a counselor, get it all out, learn how to process the feelings and then...let it go.
There is nothing you can do or say to bring those times back to change the outcome. Learning to deal with our irresponsible behavior and leaving it behind is part of recovery.
I did and said alot of dumb things in the 30 years I drank. Oh well....can't change it have to deal with it...move on...
Wishing you peace and strength.
And congratulations on your sober days.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
For both me and my husband me getting sober was a really hard process. Everytime I would go out and stay out longer then I said I would or he thought I would he would assume I was out drinking... and he would wait by the phone for a call from the hosptial or the cops saying I had been arrested for yet another DUI.
And, when I was drinking heavy I would become this uber A$$hole and my husband would have to deal with it.. I would jump out of moving cars, I would throw my wedding rings in a dark parking lot, I even once broke a glass shower door with my hand, I have hit him many, many times and told him how worthless he was and how I didn't love him and how I married below my class. All these things I said hurt him on many different levels. And, no matter how many times I said I was "sorry" it didn't matter... because, I had said them and I didn't remembe saying them and he did remember it. He holds that stuff in his body and it is hard for him to let it go.
What I have to remember is that this is what my drinking did to us. This is what I have done to us. This is all on me. And, it is up to me to stay sober and to make sure that I repair the damage that I did.
Now my husband isn't perfect either... we have our issues... but, I am lucky enough to be in love with this man and he is somehow still in love with me and believes in me. And, so we work on a daily bases toward a better life together. I am grateful for that.
But, it will take time to heal that which is broken... so cry the tears, scream into the wind, write in a journal, do what you have to do to get through today sober.
Good luck!
Saliena
And, when I was drinking heavy I would become this uber A$$hole and my husband would have to deal with it.. I would jump out of moving cars, I would throw my wedding rings in a dark parking lot, I even once broke a glass shower door with my hand, I have hit him many, many times and told him how worthless he was and how I didn't love him and how I married below my class. All these things I said hurt him on many different levels. And, no matter how many times I said I was "sorry" it didn't matter... because, I had said them and I didn't remembe saying them and he did remember it. He holds that stuff in his body and it is hard for him to let it go.
What I have to remember is that this is what my drinking did to us. This is what I have done to us. This is all on me. And, it is up to me to stay sober and to make sure that I repair the damage that I did.
Now my husband isn't perfect either... we have our issues... but, I am lucky enough to be in love with this man and he is somehow still in love with me and believes in me. And, so we work on a daily bases toward a better life together. I am grateful for that.
But, it will take time to heal that which is broken... so cry the tears, scream into the wind, write in a journal, do what you have to do to get through today sober.
Good luck!
Saliena
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