RAD 24th birthday yesterday
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
RAD 24th birthday yesterday
And she spent it with us, her family 
She had many choices but wanted to watch the football game here, eat pizza then cake and ice cream. She told us she didn't want anything for her birthday, but of course we and her brother did anyway. Nothing major, but a couple of things she would like; candle and bath products from us and a gift card from her brother. She was happy enough with the cake I made for her.
Today she starts a new job with a very well known merchandise distributor, who recently opened up a new distribution center here in our town. One of her recovery friends literally got her in the door.
In a couple of weeks she'll play a small part in a music video. She's worked for the production company before as part of the crew, but now they want her in front of the camera. That was a shock and a huge boost for her. While she used to do some modeling before addiction hit, she was a passenger in a wreck 3 years ago and part of her face was peeled off.
She's coming up on two years of recovery soon, but I don't know the exact date. I stopped keeping track of her recovery after her last relapse. She's still on subs but it doesn't matter to me. That's between her and her doctor, and all I know is that she's using it the way it's intended. I know that because of what I see.
I see a beautiful young woman whose confidence and self esteem grows along with her boundaries and self care. She treats us the way she wants to be treated, and we do the same with her. There is love, affection, respect and gratitude in all her actions and words. She eats well and gets plenty of exercise. Her apartment is always clean and welcoming. I've found myself hanging out there with her a couple of times, because it's so comfortable. She lives a transparent life and doesn't socialize with anyone who isn't sober.
She's even called me a couple of times and asked for my advice. This is a far cry from what used to be, and I had to learn to "wait for the question" (advice from rehab), instead of always telling her what she should do and how she should do it. I don't ever use the words "you should" or "you need" any more when I speak with her.
She's still paying the consequences of addiction, though. She's on probation for two more months and will always have to manage her Hep C for the rest of her life. She is slowly rebuilding and restoring all that was destroyed when she began sticking needles in her arms. She deals with life on it's terms and sometimes it leaves her raw from her lack of experience. But just for today, all is well and she's alive.
I'm grateful for both of our recoveries. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that more will be revealed, and it will happen one day at a time
She had many choices but wanted to watch the football game here, eat pizza then cake and ice cream. She told us she didn't want anything for her birthday, but of course we and her brother did anyway. Nothing major, but a couple of things she would like; candle and bath products from us and a gift card from her brother. She was happy enough with the cake I made for her.
Today she starts a new job with a very well known merchandise distributor, who recently opened up a new distribution center here in our town. One of her recovery friends literally got her in the door.
In a couple of weeks she'll play a small part in a music video. She's worked for the production company before as part of the crew, but now they want her in front of the camera. That was a shock and a huge boost for her. While she used to do some modeling before addiction hit, she was a passenger in a wreck 3 years ago and part of her face was peeled off.
She's coming up on two years of recovery soon, but I don't know the exact date. I stopped keeping track of her recovery after her last relapse. She's still on subs but it doesn't matter to me. That's between her and her doctor, and all I know is that she's using it the way it's intended. I know that because of what I see.
I see a beautiful young woman whose confidence and self esteem grows along with her boundaries and self care. She treats us the way she wants to be treated, and we do the same with her. There is love, affection, respect and gratitude in all her actions and words. She eats well and gets plenty of exercise. Her apartment is always clean and welcoming. I've found myself hanging out there with her a couple of times, because it's so comfortable. She lives a transparent life and doesn't socialize with anyone who isn't sober.
She's even called me a couple of times and asked for my advice. This is a far cry from what used to be, and I had to learn to "wait for the question" (advice from rehab), instead of always telling her what she should do and how she should do it. I don't ever use the words "you should" or "you need" any more when I speak with her.
She's still paying the consequences of addiction, though. She's on probation for two more months and will always have to manage her Hep C for the rest of her life. She is slowly rebuilding and restoring all that was destroyed when she began sticking needles in her arms. She deals with life on it's terms and sometimes it leaves her raw from her lack of experience. But just for today, all is well and she's alive.
I'm grateful for both of our recoveries. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that more will be revealed, and it will happen one day at a time
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
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Your message is one of joy and hope for recovery for both you and your daughter! It's wonderful how you have learned to let her both face consequences and take pride in the positive steps she has taken in her journey. Thanks Chino you're an inspiration!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
I am so happy for you Chino, as well as your daughter. Awesome recovery for both of you. I'm sure it is nice to have her back in your life in a healthy way. It gives me hope for me and my daughter someday. But until then; I will wait and pray.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by havehope 
I'm sure it is nice to have her back in your life in a healthy way.
We did not have a healthy interdependent relationship before addiction, so we've been building one from scratch. I remember the first time she chose sobriety; it was my birthday in '08. The very next day she gave me a strangely wrapped gift, when she said she wished I'd please see a therapist. That was after I told her what she needed to do to put this all behind her.
I found a therapist (addictionologist), thinking I had more to learn about her. Well, I certainly did, but then I began to learn about myself, too. I also found this website and my eyes opened wide. After that, I found local meetings and with everything combined, I began to understand I only had the power to change myself.
I had a lot of healing to do from my own life, a lot of unhealthy toxic learned behaviors to change. Today I can say it's all been worth it. My life has changed for the better in so many ways that go beyond addiction.
My daughter had to learn all new things, too. She might have very well continued on with her recovery, but without her willingness and mine, we wouldn't be sharing this beautiful gift together.
We're both grateful for the gift of love, the gift of forgiveness. It's truly a precious miracle we both had to want and be prepared to accept
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Chino, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your post. My RAS is new to recovery, just in rehab for the last 30 days and prior to that in jail for 4 months, so he is just over 5 months without Heroin. I look so forward to seeing us experiencing this amazing relationship you are sharing with us at SR. Your daughter sounds like an amazing person and it is so refreshing to hear this! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Teresa
Teresa
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