lambykitten

I have had a few false starts since I broke down 3 weeks ago and was finally honest with my friends, family and doctor, but I have gone a week without any Adderall and three days without a drink. Tomorrow night I am starting intensive out-patient treatment, but I am still worried that in-patient rehab would be better. I am in my last year at UPenn law school and am full of fear about the consequences of losing the semester and checking into rehab. At the same time I know I have so much more than a semester to lose if I don't get better. I just keep hoping that I can make sobriety my number one priority without having to let go of school as my number two. I have read some wonderful posts from members who are recovering from amphetamine addiction, and I can't tell you how comforting it has been to see posts from you that seem to echo my own thoughts, fears and experiences. Especially because my addictions and depression tend to make me isolate myself from people around me. I have been taking Adderall as prescribed for my ADD for years, but abusing it and taking higher and higher doses since a loved one committed suicide 6 months ago. I knew the withdraw would be tough, but I keep thinking that it is getting worse instead of better. It seems like the last three days I have either been angry, crying or asleep. I am increasingly tempted to throw in the towel and check myself into rehab, but would it really be any different? Or is it just going to feel like this no matter what?

lambykitten

I just found a link on another thread with some information about PAWS - boy does this stuff sound familiar! Did anyone else have a ton of bad dreams when they were first getting sober? I don't mean nightmares exactly, but I swear I only have dreams where I owe someone money, I can't figure out how to unlock my car, or I am late for something important....

Aegian

I applaud you for taking these steps now. It will take time to feel 'right' again and you don't want to be studying for the bar while in early recovery. Even if you have to push the last semester out, that is but a blink of an eye when compared to your future.

I have no advice on Inpatient/IOP (I did a doc supervised alcohol rehab), but others will more experience with that will be along shortly.

Just wanted to say that I think you are on the right path and I wish you all the best.

zorilla

Hang in there.Alcohol & Adderall almost killed me.Life is sooooo much better now.I did go to a rehab,but the emotional stuff you're experiencing is pretty common.

Anna

I hope that you can get through this.

lambykitten

Hello again! I am back after relapsing and going to an inpatient treatment center after all! I think more than anything that when I put my schooling ahead of doing whatever it took to recover I was doomed. But I have 86 days free from alcohol and adderall today and have hope for the first time in years.

Impurrfect

((lambykitten)) - Glad to see you back and congratulations on the 86 days! I'm sorry about the relapse, but I know that's what it took me to finally get on "recovery road".

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

welcome back lambykitten - glad to hear you're feeling better

D

Anna

I'm glad you're back and okay.

It sounds like it was a difficult time, but I'm glad you gave priority to your recovery.

lambykitten

Thanks everyone! Giving myself a break, committing to making sobriety my #1 priority, doing a 90 in 90, and ACTUALLY FOLLOWING suggestions has made a huge difference.

I feel like I am re-immerging in my own life. It's like coming awake and being a full participant in my own life again. It's been so long since I have been a real sister, daughter, or friend. There have always been people who were good friends to me, but I wasn't able to be present for them. And I am glad to be back on here (it is too hot to walk to another meeting today!)

DisplacedGRITS

I'm 3 1/2 months sober from alcohol and i still have dreams about drinking (i posted "Drunk dreams are downers" earlier) so i still experience bad dreams obviously, lol! They're a bad way to stop the day but they do seem to be coming less frequently. I had vivid, random nightmares often in early recovery and was plagued with random feelings of dread throughout the day and night but that gradually becomes less and less frequent and passes eventually. It does get better and from what i've heard, PAWS can last anwhere from 6 months to a year. O.o It sounds daunting but it's not awful and unbearable the entire time. Keep sticking with your plan and good luck with law school. Still, remember that your health and life comes first.