DarkDays

After another 7 days sober I drink all weekend, I get as always to about 5/6 days then I have thoughts feelings that Iam am not used to dealing with and i end up drinking wine to just kind of numb them, I actually read these boards whilst drinking.

I a few weeks ago had an amazing sober free week in NYC, I talked the talk saying how great it was, yet ended up drinking alone when Mrs gone to bed when I was under no pressure from friends or any kind of social gathering to do this, I just auto piloted and drank.

I have Long long list like many of drink ruined events.

Things I have noticed: Cravings are getting worse the longer I continue this rinse and repeat cycle of stopping starting .

Sleep gets worse the first night I pick up alcohol.

Av voice always starts up after 3rd day sober, really bad.

My mind is so foggy/mad thoughts/dark thoughts/good thoughts all mixed up after a week I always end up drinking.

I have gone 4 months before, well just over, I felt great but peer pressure and the romantic thoughts of drink on a certain night in certain place ruined it.

Drinking/obsessive thoughts about drinking are killing me at the moment, feel like I have become possessed the past few days, I cannot EVER EVER see me just trying to be a normal drinker, the thought of moderation fills me with more terror than drinking every night and taking my chances.

Ok so, I have Xmas coming up family functions( Not heavy drinkers) and am going to Spain for 4 days over new year ( seeing old friends, Drink will be everywhere) , I want to end this BS right now, but I have all this looming. I read RR and Allan Carr, I know I should not make dates and I know That Now is the time, other wise this whole drink obsession whether I am drinking or on various sober stints is going to consume me till I die.

Drinking since I was 15, 30 years of it, maybe a week here or there Plus the 4 months I was sober, MY life OWNED by Alcohell so far. SAD.

Thanks.

Dee74

I gave 20 years of my life to drinking, DD.

What made the difference for me was support - and my own commitment.

My drinking nearly destroyed me and all I valued in my life...I would continually turn to drinking...either the feelings I was feeling made me uncomfortable, or my mates were drinking, or I just plain didn't want to be an alcoholic.

The years wore on - and I got worse and worse...I alienated more and more people and lost more and more things of value.

Eventually I got to the point where I knew however hard sobriety was it couldn't be harder than my drinking life.

I made the commitment not to drink again and to do everything I could to make that commitment stick.

can you make a similar commitment DD?

D

DarrenW

I feel for you, I really do. I told my closest relatives about my problem and started attending AA. I also scheduled a meeting with a counselor. For me, I knew if I didnt quit drinking I would be dead or in jail any day. That woke me up. Good luck.

Anna

To be honest with you, I would make some serious choices. Don't go to Spain, at least not right now. Limit the family functions as much as possible and do the bare minimum. Arrive late and leave early. Stick close to someone who you know will not drink. I know it's hard, but if you want it to work, you need to do whatever it takes.

And, I relate totally to what you said about moderating drinking. I couldn't stop obsessing about alcohol when I tried to do that. It consumed me.

Make a plan for when you feel a strong urge so you are prepared to call someone or go home or whatever you need to do next time it happens.

You can do this!

Sparkydog

Sometimes the things that are worth doing are not easy, its going to require serious effort at times.

tanja

Dark, If you had 4 months of sobriety - you CAN do it again. It's quite clear that you do want sobriety or you wouldn't be posting. You know that you start craving at 3 days - have you tried at those times to come to SR? Would you consider other support? Have you tried distracting yourself? Have you challenged your addictive voice? Have you tried coping statements? Please fight - we miss you in October's class.