Rewired

Hi everyone. I am just looking for a little advice. Just need a little advice and maybe insight to the other side. To make a long story short I have drank alcoholically for the last 5 years. My spouse has been unsupportive through it all through the raising of the children also. I have taken care of them the majority of the time the last two years I have been working on recovery 2 rehabs. The kicker came when I as sober for 7 months, relapses for 3 weeks and got right back to meetings and am now sober for 2 months. Through the majority of this I have taken care of the kids, the are very good kids and really well adjusted he infrequently does stuff with them he says he works which is true. Anyways I found out that for two months he has been having a relationship with someone else. He feels he owes me nothing that everything is about the alcholism and said that is fine but he should have divorced me before he started this new relationship. I have been taking accountablity of all my actions but now he feels he can go and do whatever he wants. I know I just need to work on myself. I feel now that I have been become codependent on him going from leave him room to decide to I deserve all of this to anger. I never intent to hurt him (which I know I did immensely) but right now he is intentionally hurting me I guess he feel he is due. As you can also tell I think way way too much. I used to take antidepressants but he made so many comments about that I quit, he is a very negative and controling person he always has been and can only see black and white. I don't know if going to al-anon would help me. I also go to AA. But is there anything I could get out of al-anon with regard to codependency and may learning that I really just need to let this relationship go for my health. Thanks for listening

Charon

Sounds like the man is abusive, unfaithful, and passive-agressive. Were it me, I would bail. If you were perscribed anti-depressants you should be taking them. Anyone who would try to convince you otherwise does not have your best interest in mind.

Tuffgirl

Yes! Al-Anon can help you, too. Have you read "codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? That's a good start.

In my home group, we have several "double-winners" who attend both AA and Al-Anon for the reasons you describe in your post. And there are double- winners here in the F&F forum, as well.

Sounds like you are being punished. That's not ok, regardless of your alcoholism and behavior that ensued because of it.