LifeRecovery

My little codie head and heart is very confused about a regular saying we have on this side, "work the program that you wish he/she would."

I understand it is about taking care of me and working my own program. I am struggling though that it sends of HUGE red flags for me because I have been pretty good at getting support for myself through the years. I think I am reading that statement as another thing that I am attempting to do for the loved ones in my life that struggle with addiction.

I know I am missing something in this, but would appreciate some clarity on my "stinkin thinkin."

laurie6781

You work your program for YOU.

The saying "work the program you wished or hoped they would work" is just saying your program can be an example.

Mine is for the many I sponsor and work with. I walk the way I talk. I can only show another the 'program works' by how I LIVE it.

I think it may be time for you stop 'over analyzing' so much. And just DO today what you can do. Being the best person YOU can be for YOU today.

No it is not another thing that you are 'attempting to do for your loved one. You are doing this FOR YOU and ONLY FOR YOU. However, over time and as you can to grow and change you will be an example for others. It does happen. people that have know us can see changes and they want to know what we have been doing. May not be the A but others will notice.

So, again, this is for you not for yur A. And in the process of working a program for yourself, and as you change, yu will also see that your 'insides' are changing and in the process of our insides 'changing' we start to 'attract' a different type of person than the A's in our lives.

It is a fascinating process, and I never get tired of seeing it happen!!!

Keep posting, let us know how YOU are doing, as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,

OwlFeathers

I also think that sometimes we get so enmeshed in wanting them to take charge of their lives, to take steps to recover, to get their life in order... that we neglect to look at our own lives. What steps to we need to take to recover from their addiction and the anguish it has caused us? For me, it is wanting my AD to recover so she can be healthy and happy and live a good life so much that I was not taking care of my health and happiness.
You can care, you can love, you can guide, but you gotta apply it all to your own life first.

LifeRecovery

I am comfortable in my own recovery at this point. Regular Al-anon meetings, individual therapy, bodywork, regular meditation etc. I have more support than four people do normally. Actually as I write this I realize I have been comfortable in my own recovery for a long time now. It was something I did not give up when the alcoholic appeared in my life, though I added the Al-anon and meditation after the fact. Maybe what I am bucking against is that I do get a lot of feedback that I have made huge changes, just not from the ones in my life who struggle with alcohol.

Actually as I type this, that is a big part of where the confusion came from. I don't struggle with the Three C's in general, but on occasion I do struggle that even after witnessing how much better my life is in my own recovery, recovery was not something that appealed to my exAH.

I am not with that individual anymore, and honestly if I change the focus of "Work the recovery you wish he/she would work," to the he/she to anyone else in my life it is not feeling like I am "doing" if for codie reasons (and honestly never was....a lot of my own recovery I was working on prior to meeting the H).

Thanks! I do feel free to post when I have something come up (or I talk about it in Al-anon meetings). It is a perfect way to get myself unstuck.

As always I am open to other's feedback. That is how I learn.