finaltime

Today is the first day without pills...I can't get any and instead of searching or lying at another hospital I decided to come clean to my husband. I don't want to live this life anymore. Pills control me, and as much as I can want to control it, I can't. This road has been going on for so long, it is time to end. The constant search for meds is taking time away from my family, not to mention the money I have spent. The sad thing is I said I would be different from my mom, my grandma, my great grandma, however addiction is a disease, and I got it. So now I get to endure a month of not feeling normal, but I can do it. One day at a time. I am in a foreign country so the support is slim. I am hoping I can talk on this forum for help.

DarrenW

This forum is great. Hope you have a good day two.

TheTinMan

You will find a lot of support here. Welcome and congrats on making the choice to quit and making it through the first day.

geno1982

Welcome to SR

finaltime

day two. Actually doing okay with the withdrawals, they are not as bad as I thought they were going to be. Nervous about work tomorrow and the headaches. Why does time fly when your high but go so slow when you are not? I am determined to stay sober this time, I will do whatever it takes. Thank you for the support on here, I really need it.

Pigtails

I'm glad you're doing well on day 2! Keep going no matter what. We are here to support you. How did your husband take the news? I hope he's a good support for you. Good luck and stay strong.

DarrenW

Good luck on Day Three! I know you can do it

stigblack

Day 2 for me too. Keep your chin up and your eyes on the prize.

Dee74

welcome icandoit12

Congratulations on your progress
We also have an substance abuse forum you may be interested in looking at:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse

D

artsoul

Welcome to the forum, icandoit! (I like you're attitude!)

I hope your withdrawal period isn't too bad. Just remember that each day you get through is one you won't have to repeat again. I remember the first day of sobriety especially and how long it was..... thank goodness it get better!

Keep reading and posting - this is a great place!

finaltime

My husband didn't take it well, in fact today he wants to move back home. We recently moved back to China for work. He is very angry today and wondering if there is any realness in our relationship since I have lied so much All I can do is keep on going, I know I am in for the long haul of agony. I made it 30 days the time before last of being clean. Then on the 31st day I went and got pills. Last time I made it 5 days....I want so bad for this to happen. Today I am raw, achy, shameful and the feeling go on. Why can't I be normal is my thoughts today. There is an NA meeting tonight at 5 but my husband doesn't want me going again, since the last time I failed. I also don't think he trusts me leaving the house, as I might be lying. UGH. I think I will be okay here, more trying to get through work tomorrow. As a teacher the days are hard. I am resting and drinking green tea. Thanks for the support.

least

Welcome to the family.:ghug3

debsam

Stay the course icandoit - like you said, you have had 30 days under your belt, so at the very least, you know what to expect.

And yes, you do have a long road ahead, but you WILL get to your destination. Keep up with the tea and some light meals - try the best you can to simplify your thoughts.

We're all here for you, hang in there.

Sending you a big hug

Tigger41

Hang in there I can. Welcome to SR the people here are great.

Hevyn

It's great that you've joined us! You seem determined this time. You can leave the past behind and have a whole new life - the nightmare can be over once & for all. Please keep talking to us, we care about you.

finaltime

Day 4! I am actually doing ok. Body still feels off, but that's expected when it's used to the daily drugs that I was slaved too. I actually made it to work yesterday, and as a kindergarten teacher that wasn't easy. I tougher the day out, made myself go to Zumba dance, which ended up making me smile, then had a nice dinner with my family, followed by a 3 hour spa night. Have to love China and their cheap spas! What I am feeling now is the honeymoon stage as my fellow NA peeps call it. Speaking of NA I need to go. I have been down this road before and the only way I will ever stay sober is if I work through my feelings of why I use.
What gets me though, and shows me that this demon is truly a disease is I have no excuse why I use. I didn't have a bad childhood, I have a wonderful life, yet I would put pills before everything last week. While my mom is an user, gambler, alcoholic, addict, I always said I would NEVER be like her!!! Or her mom, or her moms mom! So the question stands, will I break the cycle?? As much as I want to say yes, I don't know. All I can do is try one minute at a time to not use. Best thing I ever did, which I should've done is give up rights to all money. For years I have wanted so bad to have combined bank accounts with my man, but couldn't do it. Now if I need money I will have to ask and give receipts. While that sounds so primary, it is so necessary. Hopefully down the road I will have gained trust back. When think of the thousands I spent on drugs it makes me sooo sad
I better get ready for work. This writing is helping!

Dee74

I think, if you want to, you definitely can
There's lots of people here that are concrete proof of that

D

Fenris

Congratulations on Day 4, icandoit. That's something to be proud of. I know that one of the things that has bothered me the most in sobriety is the lack of trust other people have for me. I've felt that since I was trying to do the right thing, my past behavior should be forgiven and forgotten -- unfortunately, that's obviously not the way it works. The reality is that I spent more than a decade lying, cheating and stealing, hurting the people who care about me and it's going to take a lot of "doing the next right thing" before other people become willing to give me another chance. And some probably never will, but I just have to accept that. I've found that I have to be very careful not to form any resentments by placing an unrealistic expectation on others.

--Fenris.

finaltime

Day 7!! Withdrawals have eased, still sneeze like crazy and lay awake several times through the night. My soul feels better, still emotional and have moments but that is expected. I know if I want this sober life I will have to work through each and every bump in the road. My significant other is really having a hard time with all the news that hit him suddenly. That is expected too. I wish he and I could talk to someone. He hit me hard last night with anger, so this morning I talked to him about the forum for family members. Since we live abroad we don't have all the support we would get back home. Thankfully even tho last night was thanksgiving and he decided to vent during and after dinner, I was still able to digest his thoughts and not break down. I know he has feelings too and to find out his fiancé is an addict, been using for years and learn that's where the money has been going is not easy to take. So since he has little support I have to be there for him as well. One thing he is super angry about is my family looks at him (he thinks) in a bad way because we're broke, but we are broke because of my drug problem. And he believes I am allowing them to just think that he is not doing anything to help our finances etc so I look like the good one? I think that isn't true, but understand where he is coming from. However we both are not ready to make all of what has happened public. Ugh confusion I know. I feel that I need to speak to my family and let them know a little, and make sure I build my mans self esteem a bit? He has carried our family now for a while. But I am the one with the steady job here overseas. Sorry I am rambling, just need to share. I did go to the substance abuse forum, seems like a tight group. Hope everyone is rested and full!!!

Dee74

congratulations on your week

D