Detaching With Love
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Detaching With Love
I was just reading a thread where someone mentioned that they were "detaching with love" from their alcoholic partner, and I think despite her best efforts, the poster may be misunderstanding what detaching with love means.
When I first joined this site, I thought detaching with love meant detaching with love from my alcoholic loved one, but I was wrong. And that's why it didn't seem to work for me.
I needed to detach with LOVE FOR ME--not love for someone else. When I began to love myself more than I thought I loved my alcoholic partner, I began to see that I was short changing myself. I deserved so much more out of life. I deserved to be treated with kindness and respect. I deserved an honest, responsible, loving, and sober partner. I deserved a grown man who went to work every day and contributed financially to the family. But I kept on settling for crumbs.
When I learned how to detach with LOVE FOR ME, the fog that I was living in lifted and I kicked that jerk to the curb. And that's when my life took a turn for the better. Imagine that, all I needed to do was love myself more than I believed I loved my alcoholic partner.
It's important not to misunderstand the concept of "detaching with love." It doesn't mean that I have to accept unacceptable behavior. It doesn't mean that I have to love (or convince myself that I love) someone who really doesn't love me.
So yes, detach with love FOR YOURSELF, then go on and live the life you really want to live, and get down with your bad self.
OK, carry on.
When I first joined this site, I thought detaching with love meant detaching with love from my alcoholic loved one, but I was wrong. And that's why it didn't seem to work for me.
I needed to detach with LOVE FOR ME--not love for someone else. When I began to love myself more than I thought I loved my alcoholic partner, I began to see that I was short changing myself. I deserved so much more out of life. I deserved to be treated with kindness and respect. I deserved an honest, responsible, loving, and sober partner. I deserved a grown man who went to work every day and contributed financially to the family. But I kept on settling for crumbs.
When I learned how to detach with LOVE FOR ME, the fog that I was living in lifted and I kicked that jerk to the curb. And that's when my life took a turn for the better. Imagine that, all I needed to do was love myself more than I believed I loved my alcoholic partner.
It's important not to misunderstand the concept of "detaching with love." It doesn't mean that I have to accept unacceptable behavior. It doesn't mean that I have to love (or convince myself that I love) someone who really doesn't love me.
So yes, detach with love FOR YOURSELF, then go on and live the life you really want to live, and get down with your bad self.
OK, carry on.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Thanks, Dolly. Stevie and the gang are fine. And I have a new addition to the family. An adorable new puppy. I just finished a new fall photo shoot of my dogs and garden. I'll start a new thread and post some pics. Thanks for asking!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 242
Great post! I recently broke up with my BF because I no longer could accept settling for crumbs. I was able to detach only once I focused on myself and my needs... and loved myself. The detachment came finally and then the separation was rather easy! We had a friendly conversation and agreed to let each other go! I feel sad yet relieved.
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