CamilleBelle

So, I made it one day sober...yesterday. Not a great accomplishment I guess, but I did not go overboard today. I had 2 glasses of wine, left over from cooking and had a great talk with my husband about everything that has been going on. I only look at this as a positive event because I wasn't drunk, but had enough courage to tell him how I felt about everything (without yelling/ crying ect...) It was an amazing evening, and I hope I will never have to rely on alcohol again to make that happen. To be honest, I am going to stop counting days at this point in my recovery, because everytime I see someone back at "day one" after a time of sobriety... I get discouraged... I think of those who have made it months and years, and that's when I will start posting time frames. For now, I hope you all will accept me and listen to what I am going through and help me through each step, but from what I've read here... no offence, but day one is just a millisecond in a lifetime of this illness. I am not perfect, nor do I hope to be. But I do want to make a change in my lifestyle, I just dont think it will be as drastic as some others. I am going to make mistakes, and I do not want to be like "day 3, opps" If that makes sense. I do not feel as I "relapsed" today because I do not think I was in recovery. I will be, but as to when... I'll let you know. As for tonight, I am going to bed, happy, sober (cause my last glass was over 3 hours ago... and some may argue this) and quite pleased with the evening. My hubby knows how I feel now and what I want for the future, and I've been holding that in for a long time. I hope you all understand. I will keep you posted, but again... I am not doing "days" at this point, I want to make it worth it when I post a number! Thanks for listening! And, for those of you who pick a day and just GO GO GO for it!! Power to you! If we were only all that strong! I may not be, but I respect those of you who are more than you know!

ReadyAndAble

Hi, Camille. Glad you had a talk with your husband. Must have felt great to clear the air.

Only you can decide what's right for you. It sounds as though you're more interested in moderating than in quitting—is that right? If so, I wish you luck. I was never able to pull that off for any significant amount of time. Sooner or later I always slid back into old patterns.

For me, counting days is a lot more satisfying than counting drinks. Although I'm not counting them the way you mean, to measure my recovery. I'm not a prisoner marking time on a wall. Quite the opposite—I finally broke free on Day 1, and I will never go back to that life again.

When I count days, I'm counting my blessings.

SomethingBetter

We live on avg 25,000 days (70 years), one day isnt at all like a millisecond, our entire lifetime isnt even close to a million days... we would have to live over 2700 years.

Of course, we only live 3 days, yesterday, today and tomarrow...

Make each day count, we dont have as many as we think!

Tigger41

I'm glad you spoke to your husband. I've counted drinks, rationalized, justified etc and I would say 80% of the time did not go to bed drunk but had alcohol in my system. Only by counting days did I realize what kind of a grip alcohol has on me. I hope tostopcounting days in a year or so. Or wake up one day and go "what day is it?". But I pray I never take another drink. So I'm with you I hope to never have a relapse or another day1.

CamilleBelle

Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it! Woke up with a horrible cold... Probably punishment for the wine! (Except my husbands sick too) :/ Will not be drinking today...

Pigtails

Hi. I am one who has had quite a few Day 1s. I'm currently on Day 11 and am changing things to make sure I stay consistently sober. Because for me it does suck to have reached the happy place of sustained sobriety only to slip up and fail big-time and have to start it all over again. For me, the benefits of sobriety continue the longer I stay sober, so, I know I need to never drink in order to get to where I want to be (I have a long way to go but there is nowhere else to start except for where I'm at!)

What I'm learning about it is that for me, sobriety is in this instant. A moment is all that life is really about. A series of moments, that is. I do not want to waste any of my moments drunk. And for me, taking a drink or two, even if I'm not drunk, will eventually lead me to get drunk. So instead of even looking at day by day or paying much attention to counting the days anymore, I am focusing on the moment. (Not just with drinking, but in all aspects of my life. I try to be present and ask myself "Am I being all that I can be in this moment? Am I doing things that go towards being the person I want to be, or that go against that?")

In this moment I want to be sober. And not drink at all. And the next moment, and the next, and the next. I believe that only by living in the moment, which is all I have, will I maintain continued sobriety. I will build a series of moments that constitute my life, and they will be spent sober.

It's my intention to help and support you, not lecture. I have fallen down more times than I would like to admit. I am not an expert but I am learning and I would like to share my thoughts to see if they help you as others here have helped me. My goal is to do whatever it takes to stay sober. And these are my current thoughts towards that goal. Good luck.

sundancer21

Pigtails, I love what you wrote. When you feel good in one of those moments it makes you want to have another moment, doesn't it?

It reminds me of the book, "Peace is Every Step." (by World-renowned Zen master, spiritual leader, and author Thich Nhat Hanh)
I've read it a few times and I have kept it close to my bed for a few months now, just to remind myself to take a deep breath and enjoy small things. Even in rush hour traffic if I can try to just breathe and notice the beautiful fall colors or something else that is nice, or think about something I look forward to... it reminds me I CAN enjoy life without alcohol.

sugarbear1

If ya can't get one day, you're basically always with alcohol in your system. You really didn't go to sleep sober..

I wish you well on getting one day!

ru12

Good job Cami realizing that you want to make some changes in your drinking. It took me lots of time to realize that it was just better for me to stop then to mess about with moderating. I could usually do it, but it just wasn't fun and too much work! I'm lazy.

I don't count days either, but have a year coming up next month. I used resources here and SMART and Rational Recovery. I used AA early in my recovery and found the face-to-face interactions helpful. There are lots of ways to find recovery . . . may you find yours.

Pigtails

Yeah, I'm adopting it as my new philsophy/"religion" and would like to do more reading about the power of "now"/"the moment." I used to always focus on the past or future and now I'm trying to concentrate on the present. There is nothing wrong with being sober in this moment, in fact, it feels better when I am aware of the moment and not intoxicated! This thought really helps me get through the day, even if I'm having a hard time, because I think, this moment will pass. (And try to enjoy even that moment-- like in the traffic jam, as you say.) Thanks for the book recommendation, I will check it out!