Scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7
Scared
Last night I went to dinner with a friend. 6 glasses of wine later after not eating much that day, she went home and I stayed to have a couple martini's at the bar. I drove home a half hour and have no idea how I got home alive. There were several phone calls to various people and I have no idea what I said to them. I talked to my 17-year old step-son all the way home and told him God knows what. My husband is out of town on business. It doesn't happen often, but when it does....I make these poor choices. Last year when my husband was deployed, I visited a friend in Colorado. She and I went to dinner and I drank an entire bottle of wine, then we went out and I proceeded with shots, danced on the bar and fell off, breaking the fall with my foot landing on the bartender side in the sink. My head hit the floor but since my foot landed in the sink, I broke my foot and not my head.
If I keep this up when I drink, I am going to end up dead or killing someone else by driving. I'm so scared. I've said my limit is 3, but before I know it I've far surpassed that many. I've tried not drinking at all and that doesn't last very long. I'm tired of apologizing, being embarrassed for what I said and did and not remembering a darn thing the next day. I'm tired of being depressed the day after and wishing I hadn't messed up. How do I make the changes I so desperately need to make?
If I keep this up when I drink, I am going to end up dead or killing someone else by driving. I'm so scared. I've said my limit is 3, but before I know it I've far surpassed that many. I've tried not drinking at all and that doesn't last very long. I'm tired of apologizing, being embarrassed for what I said and did and not remembering a darn thing the next day. I'm tired of being depressed the day after and wishing I hadn't messed up. How do I make the changes I so desperately need to make?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
Welcome to SR. I understand exactly how you are feeling. I was you not too many years ago. I'd stay out after my friends left because I wasn't done drinking yet. Then, in my infinite wisdom, I'd get in my car and drive home. I honestly don't know how I made it home alive many, many times.
If you honestly and sincerely want to stop drinking, you can. It won't be easy, but it can be done. Have you considered going to an inpatient detox facility, and then on to either rehab or at least an outpatient IOP? If you can't quit on your own, I highly recommend giving it a try.
Please keep coming back here and posting and reading. It will help and you will find a lot of support here.
If you honestly and sincerely want to stop drinking, you can. It won't be easy, but it can be done. Have you considered going to an inpatient detox facility, and then on to either rehab or at least an outpatient IOP? If you can't quit on your own, I highly recommend giving it a try.
Please keep coming back here and posting and reading. It will help and you will find a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by NoApologies 
Last night I went to dinner with a friend. 6 glasses of wine later after not eating much that day, she went home and I stayed to have a couple martini's at the bar. I drove home a half hour and have no idea how I got home alive. There were several phone calls to various people and I have no idea what I said to them. I talked to my 17-year old step-son all the way home and told him God knows what. My husband is out of town on business. It doesn't happen often, but when it does....I make these poor choices. Last year when my husband was deployed, I visited a friend in Colorado. She and I went to dinner and I drank an entire bottle of wine, then we went out and I proceeded with shots, danced on the bar and fell off, breaking the fall with my foot landing on the bartender side in the sink. My head hit the floor but since my foot landed in the sink, I broke my foot and not my head.
If I keep this up when I drink, I am going to end up dead or killing someone else by driving. I'm so scared. I've said my limit is 3, but before I know it I've far surpassed that many. I've tried not drinking at all and that doesn't last very long. I'm tired of apologizing, being embarrassed for what I said and did and not remembering a darn thing the next day. I'm tired of being depressed the day after and wishing I hadn't messed up. How do I make the changes I so desperately need to make?
If I keep this up when I drink, I am going to end up dead or killing someone else by driving. I'm so scared. I've said my limit is 3, but before I know it I've far surpassed that many. I've tried not drinking at all and that doesn't last very long. I'm tired of apologizing, being embarrassed for what I said and did and not remembering a darn thing the next day. I'm tired of being depressed the day after and wishing I hadn't messed up. How do I make the changes I so desperately need to make?
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Welcome to SR, NoApologies. I experienced blackouts on an almost weekly basis the last couple of years of my drinking career, and I know how terrifying it can be to wake up the next day and have little/no idea what happened for a big chunk of the night before. It's good that the consequences for you have not been worse yet, and I say "yet" because they inevitably do get worse if you continue. I also know what it's like to try and control my drinking, use every bit of willpower I have to moderate, and be totally incapable of it.
You've already taken the first step you needed to take in order to make changes -- simply seeing the problem honestly for what it is takes some of us years of denial (six years for me). For me, I also had to decide to give up on trying to moderate or control my drinking -- it just wasn't going to happen. I had to decide to abstain from drinking altogether. I also needed the support and experience of other people who'd gone through what I had, and could understand in a way that a "normal" drinker never could (try explaining your blackout to someone who's never experienced one, for example). I get a lot of that here on this message board and even more in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. As long as I'm actively involved in my recovery, I don't have to drink. I hope some of that helps you. Keep coming back.
--Fenris.
You've already taken the first step you needed to take in order to make changes -- simply seeing the problem honestly for what it is takes some of us years of denial (six years for me). For me, I also had to decide to give up on trying to moderate or control my drinking -- it just wasn't going to happen. I had to decide to abstain from drinking altogether. I also needed the support and experience of other people who'd gone through what I had, and could understand in a way that a "normal" drinker never could (try explaining your blackout to someone who's never experienced one, for example). I get a lot of that here on this message board and even more in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. As long as I'm actively involved in my recovery, I don't have to drink. I hope some of that helps you. Keep coming back.
--Fenris.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 84
I took over a DJ booth at a bar about 10 years ago....that was until the troopers showed up. I told them that I was sick and planning on puking. They talked to the bar owner, a distant relation of mine, and they let me go with a non-drunk driver.
I should have stopped then, but I didn't. I've come home with burdock in my shirt from sliding down an embankment on the side of the road, and about at least a dozen other drinking stories that aren't nearly as funny as they were back then.
I'd recommend sobriety. I am on my first detox and have gone 23 days. Sobriety is working out if I can keep the anxiety in check.
I should have stopped then, but I didn't. I've come home with burdock in my shirt from sliding down an embankment on the side of the road, and about at least a dozen other drinking stories that aren't nearly as funny as they were back then.
I'd recommend sobriety. I am on my first detox and have gone 23 days. Sobriety is working out if I can keep the anxiety in check.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Many of us have been where you are. It is very hard to turn away from all the "fun," but I am finding that I enjoy feeling well and knowing what's up much more. You have been lucky, but many people aren't. So I guess you have to ask yourself if you want it to stop. And if you do, three drinks is not the answer. I've tried it.
So good luck and welcome to SR. There is lots of good advice here.
So good luck and welcome to SR. There is lots of good advice here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome to SR.
Do you have any outside support? Family or friends you can trust? Are you willing to try AA or one of the other programs? What about counseling? You must do some work on yourself in order to stop drinking and start living a good sober life. It is possible. I quit for good almost two years ago and don't regret it one bit... only wish I'd done it sooner. I get a lot of support and help from my addiction counselor. She's a treasure and very helpful in lots of ways, not just my alcoholism.
Do you have any outside support? Family or friends you can trust? Are you willing to try AA or one of the other programs? What about counseling? You must do some work on yourself in order to stop drinking and start living a good sober life. It is possible. I quit for good almost two years ago and don't regret it one bit... only wish I'd done it sooner. I get a lot of support and help from my addiction counselor. She's a treasure and very helpful in lots of ways, not just my alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 92
Hi NoApologies,
I had a similar experience two nights ago. Minus the driving but ended up being taken from the bar to a hospital. I'm still finding out who I called- I remember nothing of it. Hang in there.
I had a similar experience two nights ago. Minus the driving but ended up being taken from the bar to a hospital. I'm still finding out who I called- I remember nothing of it. Hang in there.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome to the family! Most of us have had times like that - you're no longer alone with the problem.
I wanted very badly to control my drinking so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely - but times like you described kept happening. Then I got my dui's. Despite my attempts at controlling the amounts, my drinking - and the repercussions - kept escalating until I was no longer safe. I had to quit.
I'm glad you're questioning your behavior and your drinking habits. Maybe you'll decide you are better off not touching the stuff. We're glad you are here with us - keep posting & reading other's stories.
I wanted very badly to control my drinking so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely - but times like you described kept happening. Then I got my dui's. Despite my attempts at controlling the amounts, my drinking - and the repercussions - kept escalating until I was no longer safe. I had to quit.
I'm glad you're questioning your behavior and your drinking habits. Maybe you'll decide you are better off not touching the stuff. We're glad you are here with us - keep posting & reading other's stories.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7
Thank you very much for all of the replies. I am seeing a therapist weekly since my husband came home from Afghanistan. There is a lot to work through when your spouse is gone to war for a year. I am scared to tell her about my incident because I know she's going to be concerned. I also take Lexapro which is why I think I black out much easier than most people. I've always drank to the point of blacking out but these days that amount is much less.
I went once a whole year without drinking even one drop of alcohol. I lost weight and felt great about it. I'm not sure when or why I started up again but it's not all the time. I have these "episodes" like twice a year where I really just screw up bad. I did get lucky this time. When I was 19, I got a public intox charge followed a few months later by a DUI and it was a rough few years after that. It seems like I always "chill" after messing up and lay low for awhile and then out of the blue, I end up doing it again. Now, I'm 38 and I've had a few opportunities to get a DUI or kill someone on the road. It's a very scary feeling and I turn into someone else.
I think the answer is that I can't drink...period. It's getting there that's tough. I love wine and even just a glass with dinner but sometimes if life is stressful at the time or whatever reason and sometimes no reason at all, I end up drinking more than one or two....especially on nights like last night where it was "two for one" until 6pm. *sigh* I appreciate everyone responding....just wish that I could be like normal people and stop after one or two.
I went once a whole year without drinking even one drop of alcohol. I lost weight and felt great about it. I'm not sure when or why I started up again but it's not all the time. I have these "episodes" like twice a year where I really just screw up bad. I did get lucky this time. When I was 19, I got a public intox charge followed a few months later by a DUI and it was a rough few years after that. It seems like I always "chill" after messing up and lay low for awhile and then out of the blue, I end up doing it again. Now, I'm 38 and I've had a few opportunities to get a DUI or kill someone on the road. It's a very scary feeling and I turn into someone else.
I think the answer is that I can't drink...period. It's getting there that's tough. I love wine and even just a glass with dinner but sometimes if life is stressful at the time or whatever reason and sometimes no reason at all, I end up drinking more than one or two....especially on nights like last night where it was "two for one" until 6pm. *sigh* I appreciate everyone responding....just wish that I could be like normal people and stop after one or two.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Yep, getting there was tough for me too - it took me twenty years or so...and I wish I could have had the insight - & the courage - to do it earlier.
Rightly or wrongly, people like me cannot drink.
I have a really bad, catastrophic relationship with alcohol - but mixed in with just enough good times that I would forget the bad...
Unfortunately the good times got less and less and the bad times more and more the more years I drank.
You're wise to think about this now NoApologies - welcome to SR!
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Rightly or wrongly, people like me cannot drink.
I have a really bad, catastrophic relationship with alcohol - but mixed in with just enough good times that I would forget the bad...
Unfortunately the good times got less and less and the bad times more and more the more years I drank.
You're wise to think about this now NoApologies - welcome to SR!
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7
So even though this happens like twice a year, do I really need rehab? Someone private messaged me and said I need rehab. I don't have enough posts to reply to them, so I guess I'm reaching out to you all for advice. I will talk to my counselor about it, but does twice a year result in me taking time off of work, disrupting our family life to go into rehab? I guess I don't see that as an option or a requirement at this point, but maybe I'm blind to the severity even if it is 1-2 times a year that something happens as a result of my drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7
My Original post "It doesn't happen often, but when it does....I make these poor choices."
Don't get me wrong, I drink more often than twice a year....but I end up getting way too drunk, driving, or doing something else stupid 1-2 times per year. If it weren't for my husband who doesn't drink, driving me often or making sure I stop after a certain amount, it could be more than that. I guess I'm a binge drinker when I drink, I have a hard time stopping at a couple.
I still think just not drinking at all is the answer. What are my steps to help me get there? What works for you all to not drink? Do you still go to GNO to see your friends or stay away from those situations altogether?
Don't get me wrong, I drink more often than twice a year....but I end up getting way too drunk, driving, or doing something else stupid 1-2 times per year. If it weren't for my husband who doesn't drink, driving me often or making sure I stop after a certain amount, it could be more than that. I guess I'm a binge drinker when I drink, I have a hard time stopping at a couple.
I still think just not drinking at all is the answer. What are my steps to help me get there? What works for you all to not drink? Do you still go to GNO to see your friends or stay away from those situations altogether?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
No apologies...
I can really relate...Many Many times over the past year I have started with myself saying just 2 glasses of wine and ended up drinking way too much and then the next morning worrying about what I said or done.
I am very new hear. 3 days sober. Looked at the web site for a while and joined several days ago. I relate to so many stories and realise it isn't going to get better. I know inside it is going to get worse if I keep on this track.
My plan at the moment if to read the posting of people here. Many of them say they were where we are at the moment, but have moved on to a better place without alcohol. I don't feel so alone in this struggle. We all have different challenges in our lives but the same problem - alcohol.
For the moment strive for 30 days.. one day at a time.
Jim
I can really relate...Many Many times over the past year I have started with myself saying just 2 glasses of wine and ended up drinking way too much and then the next morning worrying about what I said or done.
I am very new hear. 3 days sober. Looked at the web site for a while and joined several days ago. I relate to so many stories and realise it isn't going to get better. I know inside it is going to get worse if I keep on this track.
My plan at the moment if to read the posting of people here. Many of them say they were where we are at the moment, but have moved on to a better place without alcohol. I don't feel so alone in this struggle. We all have different challenges in our lives but the same problem - alcohol.
For the moment strive for 30 days.. one day at a time.
Jim
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by NoApologies
My Original post "It doesn't happen often, but when it does....I make these poor choices."
Don't get me wrong, I drink more often than twice a year....but I end up getting way too drunk, driving, or doing something else stupid 1-2 times per year. If it weren't for my husband who doesn't drink, driving me often or making sure I stop after a certain amount, it could be more than that. I guess I'm a binge drinker when I drink, I have a hard time stopping at a couple.
I still think just not drinking at all is the answer. What are my steps to help me get there? What works for you all to not drink? Do you still go to GNO to see your friends or stay away from those situations altogether?
Don't get me wrong, I drink more often than twice a year....but I end up getting way too drunk, driving, or doing something else stupid 1-2 times per year. If it weren't for my husband who doesn't drink, driving me often or making sure I stop after a certain amount, it could be more than that. I guess I'm a binge drinker when I drink, I have a hard time stopping at a couple.
I still think just not drinking at all is the answer. What are my steps to help me get there? What works for you all to not drink? Do you still go to GNO to see your friends or stay away from those situations altogether?
--Fenris.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
I can relate to your post as well. For me my drinking was great when I was younger.. but, as I got old I don't know what happened really.. the universe just lined things up to happen to me everytime I drank. I can never have just two glasses of wine... 2 glasses usually turns into two bottles for me.
Honestly I was always afraid of what would happen next. What helps me now is if I play the tape all the way though. If I truly just think about what is going to happen if I drink just one... I can never stop with just one or two...
Anyway, thanks for the post it helped me remember and stay sober for one more day.
BTW I don't think you need rehab. :0
Honestly I was always afraid of what would happen next. What helps me now is if I play the tape all the way though. If I truly just think about what is going to happen if I drink just one... I can never stop with just one or two...
Anyway, thanks for the post it helped me remember and stay sober for one more day.
BTW I don't think you need rehab. :0
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
I think not drinking requires more than just not drinking...thats just the first step - if you read around you'll see most of us agree we have to change our lives really...but it's not like we lose out on the deal
Supports obviously important - there's a multitude of real life face to face support to choose from if you want to go that route
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
As for rehab, it's good to explore all the options so do talk it over with your counsellor, but I wouldn't necessarily put too much store in one persons opinion here either.
It's entirely your choice what you do NA
D
Supports obviously important - there's a multitude of real life face to face support to choose from if you want to go that route
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
As for rehab, it's good to explore all the options so do talk it over with your counsellor, but I wouldn't necessarily put too much store in one persons opinion here either.
It's entirely your choice what you do NA
D
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