harleyq

I just discovered that while blacked out I contacted a company about an overdue bill that I didn't know I had, paid it and had them adjust my credit report. Would have been a successful night if I didn't drink enough to almost die and end up in the hospital. God, I hope this scares me enough to make it stick.

Nirvana1

Blackouts are always funny until someone gets hurt...

harleyq

I agree Nirvana, this time it scared me so much. I'm sick of not remembering what happened.

soberred

Mine was the opposite. I would spend money I didn't know about. My last one was buying a year membership at the gym down the street. I went there trashed. I can't bring myself to go back out of embarrassment. It was a lot of money. I consider it a very expensive lesson.

pikkle69

Oh yeah, drunken spending sprees... "where the hell did that come from?"

overthis

Ugh, I hate blackouts. I did a lot of damage with drunken online shopping. It will be so nice to never have that feeling of dread and wonder of what the hell happened last night.

harleyq

expensive lesson that was. I'm still hoping to stay scared so I go through with the rehab and don't convince myself I'm ok.

pikkle69

Ahh... memories (or lack thereof) of those late nights after some serious bar time of going to Meijer with my good friend to look for the latest McFarlane toys... Many a median over run in the drunken pursuit of cheaply made Chinese crap!

Gerbosko

I really never was a online shopper while drinking, but the only purchases I ever did was going back to the store and buying more.. Then I would hate myself the next morning because I drinked and drived... The process would start over again and again till I finally kept myself inside while drinking.

The one part of your post that scares me is:

How can any night be successful if you're drinking? You achieve absolutely nothing from drinking. I really hope you do quit for good because it's a very dangerous past time to be involved with. Do something to replace the negative! Go for a walk and change your life style - Remember to replace something negative (alcohol) with something positive .

harleyq

gerbosko, you are right, that was poor wording. by successful I meant feeling less horrible about everything I've done and having an episode again.

SoberRightNow

Sadly, for me at least, nothing was ever scary enough to stop me. I would have drunk vodka mixed with bleach if it was all that was available.

I spent a long time waiting for my life to get bad enough to force me to stop and it never happened. No matter how bad things got, I could always make them worse.

Staying sober is about moving towards positives for me. Moving away from negatives failed me every time.

Dee74

I'm with SRN - fear works but not forever in my experience. Our minds are peculiar things.

That being said, I did nearly die from my drinking - & that was enough for me not to immediately brush this off after 3 days like I did all the others, and I followed through with the plans I knew I had to make.

By the time the thoughts came back that 'I wasn't so bad after all' I was well into a personal programme of recovery, and I ignored the lies I was telling myself

D

quitforme79

I wish you remembered how you got them to remove it from your report cause I'm dealing with that now I'm glad you're ok now

harleyq

Dee, Thank you for this post. I have no idea how I can convince myself that I'm not so bad. Fear of negative things is not always enough I guess. Thanks!

Dee74

I didn't think I could ever think 'I'm not that bad' after my last drink - but I did, eventually.
I'm a great/bad rationaliser

Fortunately a period of sobriety does great things for our common sense and goes a long way to restoring us to sanity

D

CaiHong

HarleyQ,

that was quite responsible of you to pay your bill. I did find it funny but was quite distressed to hear you ended up in hospital. Alcohol is a total mystery to me. What does it take for each individual to say enough is enough.

HarleyQ I hope that you can get through this.

CaiHong