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Why Am I Not Ready to Stop Drinking?

Old 11-16-2011, 05:21 AM
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Why Am I Not Ready to Stop Drinking?

Sometimes I don't get it... Why do I listen to my acholic brain? God I need to stop... last night I relapsed and I am super sad about that. I really need to really get it. I honestly had the best 3 weeks in my life this past 3 weeks. Why can I not truly get it?
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Old 11-16-2011, 05:25 AM
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I also had a good 2-3 weeks of not drinking, only to go back to drinking this month. On my 2nd day. I am really dumbfounded about why we do this to ourselves. The positives are nothing when compared to negatives. What compels a human to ingest poison (I guess what's what alcohol essentially is) over and over is confusing to me. I wish us both the best of luck this time.
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Old 11-16-2011, 05:36 AM
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When I was 'not ready' it was because I still believed that alcohol had something to add to my life. I thought life was a little (ok, a lot) lame/boring without alcohol. I just flat out did not want to stop drinking.
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Old 11-16-2011, 05:53 AM
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SSIL75 the problem is that I do want to do it. And, I have made some real progress in finding a HP and a really good sponser... and I am learning the tools. But, I just don't know why sometimes I can feel like not grasp on to this thing like a man who is drowning.. sometimes I do.. and sometimes I do...
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Old 11-16-2011, 05:54 AM
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From my own pathetic experience, I found that I had not conceded to my INNER-MOST SELF that I was an alcoholic and addict. I tried to control and moderate my drinking. It's hard to describe the feeling of surrender. That unique feeling, that release, is a major reason we gather together here and in other places to discuss recovery. It's hard to explain to people who have not experienced it. To me it was more of a feeling than a thought - the defeat and surrender finally felt like a relief rather than a sacrifice. A new road opened, defeat made me a clean slate. The delusional ego began to diminish. The clarity was painful, but felt genuine - and it had been so long since I felt something genuine, I just knew it was the truth. The journey to surrender is different for all of us. I heard a speaker say the gift you receive from recovery is YOURSELF - you rediscover the real, amazing, loving YOU that was lost.
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:04 AM
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Do you feel like you are losing anything by quitting drinking?

Like I felt like I was losing..
- a connection with my friends
- a way to unwind
- a way to be different/cool.

I have a very kind of behaviorist perspective I guess. I think we do things b/c we get something out of it. I had to learn that I wasn't really benefiting. And learn to ignore that 'voice' in my head that tried to lure me back. with practice it gets much easier!
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:09 AM
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If you believe you're not ready, then you aren't ready. The motivation to be sober is being overcome by the lack of justification to do what is truly right. If you are still finding reasons not to be sober then you will probably not be sober. Make a list of what is good about being sober and what is not and see which column is longer. I don't think just wanting to be sober will work, I had to want other things to really want to be sober, like being alive, or being employed, or having a more fulfilling life, or enjoying my family... etc. I think it's different for each person so you have to find the you in being sober and that is why you will be sober.
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:28 AM
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Thumbs up

Changing people, places and things will
result in helping to stay sober.

Letting go of resentments will result in
helping to stay sober.

Being honest in all areas of my life resulted
in helping me stay sober.

Keeping my side of the street clean so to
speak will result in staying sober.

Letting go of resentments will result in
staying sober.

Having a program of recovery of steps
and principles to live by day by day has
resulted in helping me stay sober for the
past 21 yrs.

Sharing my own ESH- experiences, strengths
and hopes of what it was like before during
and after my drinking has resulted in allowing
me to stay sober one more day for a many
one days at a time.

Having Faith and Belief in a Higher Power, Someone
or something greater or stronger than I has resulted
in allowing me to stay sober for as long as I have been.

Knowing I never have to go thru anything, including
recovery by myself again or having to figure out
anything by myself again has resulted in staying
sober another day.

Recovery, sobriety is a way of living life without
dependence on a controlled substance like alcohol
or drugs.

Knowing all I have to do is stay in today, not yesterday
or tomorrow has resulted in me staying sober one
more day.

Knowing I can have fun and that it is suggested
that we should have fun in recovery/sobriety
has been a blessing and joy resulting in staying
sober another day.

All we need is OPENMINDEDNESS, WILLINGNESS
AND HONESTY for a successful life in recovery.
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:45 AM
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SSIL75 makes a good point. There has to be something you like about drinking that has you coming back for more still. When that reason pops up in your head you can either attribute it to your addicted side and ignore it (because your addicted side will always give you reasons to drink) or you can troubleshoot and look for a way to substitute that benefit with something that doesn't include drinking. For instance, if it's because you'd like a way to relax, you can brainstorm of other things to do for relaxation or you can just ignore that part of your heads that kicks in and demands that you need alcohol in order to relax, or you can even do both if you truly do need some relaxation time.

It's perfectly okay to be honest with yourself and ask why you might still like drinking. Even if you're 99% sure you absolutely don't want to drink anymore, just dig into that 1% because you're addictive side is probably using it to get you to drink. I know when I was new to sobriety I would've thought someone was making a jab at me by insisting that part of me still wanted to drink but humans are smart, we tend not to do anything unless we'll benefit from it in some way. Ask yourself what was going through your mind before your last relapse...you should be able to find the perceived benefit in those thoughts if you can remember them.
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:55 AM
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Thanks everyone for your feedback. I can only start over today and I know the things I did wrong over the last several days. I didn't work a spiritual program... I only worked a Saliena minded program. I am truly grateful that I was able to make it back today.
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Old 11-16-2011, 07:10 AM
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Saliena, I was doing some reading, and one thing I had read is "that when you stop drinking, it can feel as though you are going through the death of a best friend or a loved one." We grieve and feel lost on something that we have been counting on for so many years. Something that was there through happiness, anger, depression, etc...it made so much sense to me. The one thing I have always depended on, I have decided to kick out of my life. It does feel like I lost my best friend. Maybe this is a weird analogy to others, but it gave me a great way to put perspective on it.
Proud of you for starting over!

~Bozboz
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Old 11-16-2011, 07:13 AM
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I wish I was proud.. right now the only thing I can do is cry... I hate have this additction. And, I feel like it is something that is going to kill me in the end. And, I don't want that... I love life to much. I want to be sober! I need to be sober... and I guess I can pick up today and make this my last first time.. and it will be..
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:38 AM
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That's so true Bozboz, it really is like losing a best friend, like "NOW what do I do!?" Sadly alcohol did feel to me like someone(thing) I could always count on to be there for me. I was filling an emptiness, and running from myself. Hiding from life, really, which I always found too hard to deal with. Now that I have realized that emptiness and I am actually getting to know myself for better or for worse, I don't need to drink anymore. I am learning to be my OWN best friend.

Saliena, for me it was a tipping point. I finally realized that alcohol was doing NOTHING for me. The opposite of nothing. EVERY time I drank, whether I binged or not, set me back psychologically and physically. Giving it up was, for me, a choice to have a better life. To start doing things FOR ME. To be healthy and happy. To THRIVE.

Believe me I was like you for a long time; feeling angry and frustrated and disappointed with myself every time I drank. But eventually I just had enough, and you will too.
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Old 11-16-2011, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Saliena View Post
I wish I was proud.. right now the only thing I can do is cry... I hate have this additction. And, I feel like it is something that is going to kill me in the end. And, I don't want that... I love life to much. I want to be sober! I need to be sober... and I guess I can pick up today and make this my last first time.. and it will be..
You should be proud of yourself. You chose to get sober again, instead of picking up a bottle and getting drunk. That's one he** of a strong decision if you ask me. Recovering has been the most trying thing I have ever done in my life, as it is for you too. Feel like two different people sometimes and at times I wish I could kick my own a**, but I know it's just my AV and obviously, I can't kick my own a**, so I have debates with myself all the time. My will kicks my AV's butt. You can do this. You can stay strong. Stay on this site all day if you have too. I spend more time here then anywhere lately. I am grateful for this site, and articles I read. Anything that over powers my AV I am grateful for. Be proud that your here today.
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Old 11-16-2011, 11:20 AM
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After 20 years of fighting I finally gave up on October 28 2009. I had hit an all time low in my life. A seed was planted in me that day. I was sitting in a jail cell facing 15 years. Someone had wrote in pencil on the wall a saying that changed my life. It simply said " this is not worth it there has to be a better way!" From those few words I took an honest look at myself and was scared what I saw. I live by a motto that states that today might suck but tomorrow has the chance to be better. I hope something in all that helps.
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Old 11-16-2011, 12:15 PM
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I don't see "why" as a useful question when dealing with addiction. We drink because what started as a choice has affected the way we think and feel. I got trapped in the vicious cycle and continued to seek removal of pain though the use of chemicals even though at some level I grew in our awareness that it makes things worse.

I think the first of the 12 steps in important. I too think of the first three steps as a process of willingly surrendering and giving over to whatever else there is that is not oneself.

In my mind I willingly jumped out of the alcohol plane without a parachute, and there was no going back. At the time I did not have any faith. Despite the dire predictions of those on the plane I have not hit the ground yet and have found I can fly on my own.
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Old 11-16-2011, 12:18 PM
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I think you ARE ready to stop drinking. Or you wouldn't be trying, you wouldn't be posting here. You can do this. Congrats on picking yourself back up. You are stronger than you know! And we are here for you.
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Old 11-16-2011, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Saliena View Post
I wish I was proud.. right now the only thing I can do is cry... I hate have this additction. And, I feel like it is something that is going to kill me in the end. And, I don't want that... I love life to much. I want to be sober! I need to be sober... and I guess I can pick up today and make this my last first time.. and it will be..
Have you ever felt like you want to drink and you don't want to drink at the same time? Do you feel like you don't want to be alive but you don't want to die?

That is the jumping off point. It is a weird limbo to be in but it is a very good place to be in despite how it looks right now.

You know what it is to be here. Many people don't. You are in a unique position to surrender. Accept yourself and know that you, as you are, is right where you belong. You are acceptable, beautiful and real.

Stop fighting and let go control of who you think others might think you are.
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Old 11-16-2011, 12:48 PM
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I think it's not so much that one wishes to give up drinking as much is it is how one gives up drinking... there's no real instruction manual out there, your parents don't discuss this with you when you're a child like they would sex, et al... only not to do it in the first place, not "well if you do do it, this is how you stop." It's an insanely difficult choice for most compounded by the fact that it's no where clearly spelled out how to effectively quit, with all the social stigma to boot. I mean, who wouldn't want to hide it and never really deal with it? It's just a nightmare, horror show sundae topped off with apocalypse sprinkles for good measure...
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Saliena View Post
Sometimes I don't get it... Why do I listen to my acholic brain? God I need to stop... last night I relapsed and I am super sad about that. I really need to really get it. I honestly had the best 3 weeks in my life this past 3 weeks. Why can I not truly get it?
Well, its not so much I simply listened to my alcoholic brain, and like an idiot just went and drank like some fool. There was more to it. I fought against my obsession and compulsions to drink. I fought against my feelings and thoughts swirling around about drinking. I fought against myself about why and why not I should or could have another drink, another drunk, another day of drinking.

I've been sober many years now, and I'll tell you I was never ready to get sober by stopping drinking. I had to surrender the fight. I had to lose so I could win. I was beat by alcohol and alcoholism.

I wasn't ready to die drunk, that is what got me to give up. I could see after years of trying to quit drinking, I was gonna die drunk sooner or later. My experiences with booze absolutely was the writing on the wall for me.

Mental hospital. Jail. Detox. Crazy. Physically burnt out. Emotional mess. No job. Family and friends done with me. No money. No home. Just me and booze. And I still wanted to be drunk even as I did my final detox and got into rehab and finally sobered up. After enough continuous sobriety, living with sobriety, only then did my want for drink start to ease off.

Just want to tell you that for some of us, getting ready to quit drinking never happens, and I would have died drunk, my worst fear come true, because I never could stay sober just by wanting to quit drinking.

Maybe you're different. Maybe you're the same.

For me then, giving up the fight, and facing that I would always want to drink anyways, no matter what, and I still had to get sober, that was the thing that actually got me going in the right direction to actually become sober.

I was already washed up at 15 years old. I sobered up my last time at 24. I'm 30 years sober now, no relapse, no slip, and I did not get here today by starting with "quitting drinking."

I absolutely wanted to drink and I stopped anyways is how it worked for me. Now of course I'm still stopped AND I dont want to drink. Its been that way for decades now. Best of both eventually, lol.

You might want to look into surrender, and see if that works for you. Anyways, sorry for your troubles, getting sober is a tough thing to accomplish. All the best to you.
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