FML

I guess I'm an alcoholic or have alcoholic tendencies at least. Im a 30y old married mother of 2. I don't drink every day or anything but I do get drunk a lot more than I should. I get wasted and then have horrible hangovers. I don't get drunk around my kids but I've been hungover around them plenty of times.
My main concern is my health. I started drinking when I was 15, so that's half my life now. This can't be good. I also have other psychological problems like anxiety, stress, hypochondria, mild OCD, insomnia. Wow i sound crazy. Ive not been diagnosed or anything( except social anxiety disorder when I was a teen) but I've delt with a lot of mental crap my whole life. I had a stomach ulcer as a child and my parents have said it was because I stressed out over school. I also suffered a bad head injury at 19, went through a horrible marriage/divorce by 24, and had a boyfriend/life long friend die after that. Those are just a small few highlights of what has fueled my already relentless anxiety. Alcohol helps for a few hours and then escalates for a few days after. I want to go to a doctor for a physical because it's been a long time since ive had one, and I need to talk to someone about my anxiety and insomnia. I want to be able to enjoy my life that is now so good.Then I think about all the questions about alcohol I'm going to have to answer. I don't know my average times a month or average amt of drinks I have. I'm sure they ask those questions. Just thinking of that situation makes me too nervous to make an appointment.
Im just so jealous of people who can go out every once in a while and have 4 or 5 drinks and that's like a big crazy night for them. They don't do it often and they enjoy a drink or two sometimes and leave it at that. I wan't to do that so bad! I've tried so hard to be that person. I guess I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can't be someone I'm not. It's so hard to give up on that.
Honestly I don't have much faith I'm going to quit drinking. I embarass myself when I'm drunk, say stupid things, I forget things that happened, I vomit all day sometimes. But I haven't done enough messed up stuff that anyone else sees that I have a problem. People acted like it was a joke last time I tried to do this. Of course that was one of the reasons I felt maybe I do have it under control after all and will just cut back. If they only knew. If I do try to give up alcohol, I'm not going to tell anyone but my husband for a while.
I should have gone to bed hours ago but I don't feel like laying there thinking until I fall asleep. I picked a good username. FML

ReadyAndAble

Hi, FML. Welcome to SR. I found a lot of support here.

You sound unsure of whether you really want to quit. I was torn about it myself. I couldn't imagine enjoying socializing or going to a concert without alcohol. Turns out everything is better now that drinking isn't the main attraction.

I used to be jealous of normal drinkers too. Now I don't give them much thought. Once I realized I will never be able to drink normally, I stopped comparing myself to them. Normal drinker was an option. Shameful drunk or grateful ex-drinker—those were the two choices for me.

Glad you joined us.

NewBeginning010

Hi FML, Welcome to SR... we have all been in a similar place at one point or another in regards to not being sure if we were or were not an "alcoholic". In the end the terms are irrelevant as I finally know after years of trying everything I could think of but quit that I cannot ever drink again. Not a glass not a shot not a sip not.... you get the point.

I can relate to your anxiety & mine also started from an early age in school, I have had very bad anxiety & panic attacks most of my life. I can tell you one great piece of news, the anxiety gets better once you have quit drinking for a couple of weeks. My worst attacks came the day after drinking.

Anyway, it sounds like you have come to the party early before you lose a job or partner etc... don't wait for it to happen, its not worth it. This disease is progressive & if you have a drinking problem chances are that it will in fact get worse (my experience).

Stick around SR & keep posting, there are a great group of people here that know what you are going through.

Take Care ~ NB

Dee74

Hi FML

s'ok....

when I got here to SR I wasn't sure what I wanted either - I wanted to quit, but didn't want to quit because I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol...I wanted to ask for help but the idea of finding help scared me to bits.

Gradually the help and support I found here helped me to work out what I should do

You'll find a lot of people here who understand you and who'll support you too

Welcome
D

FML

My worst attacks also happen the day or 2 following a night of drinking as well. Thats one of the reasons I think I need to stop. I've wasted too much time being scared and paranoid and feeling crazy.

pikkle69

Your brain needs to rewire... it's missing the chemicals you replaced with alcohol and it takes time for those to regenerate. Once I got past a week of not drinking, the anxiety and depression reduced greatly. I drank lots of water, started to eat right and took lots of vitamins and supplements; this helped a lot. I won't sugar coat it though, it's probably the toughest thing you will have to ever go through but once you're through it, the rewards are infinite. You will never fix anything if you aren't sober, I found that out the hard way.

Stick with it, stay with us here, get support any way you can, it's definitely worth it! Good luck!!!