Not sure where it all will lead...

Old 11-15-2011, 01:01 PM
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Not sure where it all will lead...

Finally convinced hubby to seek help. He isn't happy. Last nite I got the part where its because he comes home to me, that he drinks. After all, he only drinks after he gets home. I feel as though I've returned home to my alcoholic dad and codependent mom....Always my fault. It is so hard to keep this disease in perspective and realize that the accusations are part of the denial and disease. I'm feeling very fragile today and so close to tears. Could really use a hug and a shoulder. This week is not good to find an alanon group and next week will be too busy as well. Have finally found the locations of local groups, though, and will seek them soon. Just needed a place to vocalize my thoughts. Thanks for being there!
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Old 11-15-2011, 01:47 PM
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Welcome to SR -you are not alone
Try to understand that you didn't cause, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
Try to get yourself to an al-anon meeting - it really does help.
Keep reading as much as you can and remember you will get lots of good advice here.

Hang in there and take good care of yourself
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Old 11-16-2011, 05:43 PM
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Welcome,

So glad you found your way here, Milly is right, it's not your fault, don't let him convince you otherwise.

I have been having a rough week too and people have come out to support me so now I have energy in reserve to help someone else.

So heres a big hug for you!BIG HUG

You need a shoulder I have two, you can have either one, both have been patched up by the ortho docs but they are still strong enough to lean on.

Vent away, I find just typing here, and knowing people are listening is a tremendous help.

If you want to talk I will be glad to listen, if you would rather send a private message then that's ok to.

You will be in my thoughts, best of luck to you.

Bill
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Old 11-17-2011, 10:04 AM
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Welcome, Sotiredofitall. Man, do I know that feeling. Sending you a great big bear hug. Keep on reading and posting. We'll be here to lend shoulders.
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Old 11-17-2011, 10:06 AM
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*sigh*

Yep, my xH wasn't an alcoholic, but he still blamed me for everything that was wrong in his life. Well, I wasn't responsible, and I hope that you will come to know that you aren't either!
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Old 11-17-2011, 10:12 AM
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I am new to this site myself, my husband began this process a few years ago. I know how you are feeling, & wanted to hug you & tell you, you are not alone-remember there are many others like us & i like to think we are sending each other strength in thoughts & postings. I am wishing you both the best...
Laurie
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Old 11-17-2011, 10:31 AM
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Good for you on posting here and looking for Al-Anon meetings. I know things suck now but this too shall pass. You are on your first steps to recovery and at least from my experience it gets better, a lot better.

To give you an example my avatar when I joined was:



because that was the way I felt. (He is sticking his tongue into a fan, the fan is kind of chopped off.)

I like the new one a lot better



Your friend,
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Old 12-06-2011, 09:51 PM
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Thanks all for sending those hugs. They were needed! AH has joined a recovery group and is working on his sobriety. He is VERY quiet when he is home (not that he was loud before). I'm working on myself and coming to terms with my issues. So much damage from living with an alcoholic father. I'm learning lots from all the searchers in here!
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Old 12-06-2011, 11:29 PM
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OH, THE blame game.
I think the rules are specific:
Drink/ get drunk
Cause fight while drunk
come up with irrational scenario to blame partner, since accepting "fault" would lead to admission of being alcoholic.
Days/weeks/months later, OCCASIONALLY, IF sober, will talk, and admit partner was not to blame.
Drink/get drunk (lather, rinse, repeat).
Does not matter what the details of the fight are..if the core is drinking, it will be denied.

Fortunately for me, this was not a long term relationship, and in the middle of one episode, he used the "blame" as an excuse to end the relationship, and was with someone else in less than a week. I THINK (not sure) that when he finally did sober up and recognize that I had done nothing.. he already had done too much damage to repair.
The irony?? Even without the drinking, he apparently is running the same merry go round with her.. got into fight..wound up here, hoping to patch things up with me.
And the very next day, admitted to sitting down and talking with her, and backed out of his intent/ claims to work things out with me.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
It isn't you. Trust me.
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Old 12-07-2011, 12:24 AM
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Yeah, an addict will blame anyone to keep his/her allusion of lies alive within their own minds. My ABF has told me on MANY occassions that he would be able to stay clean if it weren't for me in his life. I apparently drive him THAT crazy. I say HAHA and call his bluff. The jerk was DRUNK the first night I met him and messed up on either alcohol or pills or whatever else was in front of him at the time. I have known him for almost five years and I would be surprised if he was flat out sober for even two weeks of the entire time. He had to move across country to get away from an opiate addiciton that nearly killed him and ended up finding it out here too. Thank goodness for him he got off that or he might be dead. YET, I am too blame for his use. I just say HA.HA.HA. Whatever, have fun getting DRUNK again.
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Old 12-07-2011, 09:53 AM
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A big hug. Just keep communicating and growing. Remember, it's a process; progress not perfection.

It sounds like you don't buy into his distorted thinking. Keep focusing on that. And here's a great mantra: I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it. In the vast number of situations, drunks couldn't continue without enablers. They'd either have to stop or die.
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Old 12-07-2011, 10:52 AM
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Sending you strength & (((BIG HUGS)))
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