1undone

For the last 3 meetings I've been to over the month I've witnessed one person in particular who is very yellow and very ill. She smells of alcohol and is clearly in need of serious medical attention.

My question is, why is she there and not in a hospital? Does anyone know what is typically done when members become this sick and are clearly intoxicated at the meetings? Not intoxicated to the point of passing out but just functioning an maybe drinking to avoid withdrawal.

I have a hard time watching this as a passive on looker so it's really distracting me from the conversation and content of the meeting. Has anyone experienced this and if so is there something that is typically done?

Thanks!

eJoshua

It's sad, really, but I think in the end you just have to remind yourself that you are not responsible for her recovery.

WritingFool

Yep. It is hard to watch but for me it serves as a reminder of why I don't want to drink! AT least she is going to AA - maybe it will help her over time.

1undone

So we just sit back and watch her die? I mean shes all brused up, yellow and can hardly talk. I know I'm not responsible for her recovery but I certainly don't want to witness her death. . She's 43 just like me! Ugh this alcoholic business is no joke!

mungrylionman

Somebody needs to get her on some valium or librium and get her detoxed. i don't knwo what i would do. i've had jaundice before but that was when i was 27 and i somehow survived. You can't force somebody to go to a doctor. hopefully it's not too late for her to save her liver. alcohol is a real beast....very sad.

1undone

So you can come back from being jaundice?

mungrylionman

At the time I was 27. The liver specialist told me I had a 50% chance of living past 30. I quit drinking and a month later I took a blood test and my liver was functioning normal. I was VERY VERY lucky though and still relatively young. This woman you're talking about is 43 so I don't know about her chances, but she just needs to stop drinking immediately if she has jaundice and bruising all over. I know liver problems can make you bruise easily because it happened to me. Yes you can comeback from jaundice. I relapsed this summer and I'm still alive at 30. I know if I were to relapse again i might end up dead. I really hope this lady you're talking about gets professional medical treatment asap. alcohol withdrawal is horrifying and people keep drinking even when they know they are dying.

1undone

Thanks mun! I don't know if she's going to make it. Feel bad for her 3 kids.

StPeteGrad

I used to have a home group that had many people in and out of there with similar situations.

It's important to remember the traditions of AA

Tradition 3
The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.
Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover.

Tradition 5 Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose - that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

I'll agree, I found these individuals to be distracting and finally realized it was too much for me to deal with in very early recovery. I found other groups that are quite a bit more stable and very good for my recovery. As I have become stronger I can now work with others that are brand new to the program and it helps my recovery. However, I don't have the tools yet to work the really sick ones that are still drinking. There are others in my groups that are willing to work with them.

officious

If you're concerned about her life; call social services or talk to a cop. They will instruct you and give you a base line. They can only do so much.....

1undone

I had the AA Traditions in mind when I posted. I may have to forego this meeting until I'm better equipt to deal with the really sick.

Saliena

There is a meeting I go to at a detox center... and there are alot of people like that there. But, what I have to remember is that AA mission is to carry it's message to the alkie who still suffers. As long as I have done what I can do then there is nothing else I can do.

There are those in the meeting that actually want it... and that keeps me going back to that meeting.

And, I agree that she is there for a reason. Maybe she wants to stop...

sugarbear1

Have you spoken to her directly? Asked her about what she's doing to get help? Gotten together with other members to help her? Why watch passively?

Feeblemind

Hi 1undone, i had some troubles with this when i was new to recovery, although i must admit seeing the effects of drinking right in front of me really kinda helped me grasp the gravity of my own situation. that said the basic rule that permiates all recovery is that you cannot make another person become sober or even seek sobriety for another person. you have to make that choice for yourself. It's our individual right to drink ourselves to death if we choose to. If you feel strongly about doing something you can only try and must be willing to accept that they may continue killing themselves anyway. I'll also note that there was a man when i was in mid recovery that did do that, everyone in the group tried to help in their own way i think, but it took this terrible experience to realize what i was doing to my wife and loved ones . to imagine if i had really loved that person and to watch that, was heartbreaking. to see that the person is still attending meetings is encouraging, Do what you can , but dont let it get in the way of your own sobriety. hope my experiences help a little
keep fighting the good fight or surrender to win whatever you need to do for now

switchboard

I can't speak for everyone, but yes (for me).... I am 46, and last year I came back from severe jaundice and liver #s that were the highest they'd ever seen. They talked about transplantation if they couldn't "bring me back" by way of fluids, vitamins and slowly reintroducing food as I hadn't eaten in a long time. They also mentioned death (I asked), but we concentrated on getting better. They did a ton of tests .. including ultrasound, CT scan, blood tests at least once a day, etc.

I was dehydrated, and hadn't eaten for about six months. I blamed it on anxiety, depression, marriage breakdown, etc. No one knew I was addicted to alcohol - In fact, I hid my detoxing in the hospital. I figured I was in there anyway, so if anything went wrong I'd have help ... I suffered through it silently, told no one, pretended my way around it, etc.... And I did it .. somehow. I didn't have any alcohol in my system when I went in because I knew I'd be going in the next day, so I started my own "cold turkey" the day before. What a fool, huh.)

My skin was glowing yellow and my eyes were fully yellow-orange. I had been drinking - secretly - for a very long time .. constantly (when I wasn't puking), around the clock, to keep from withdrawing... Never drunk, I drank to function (barely function, that is - but I muddled through and worked hard to smile and hide my difficulties). If it hadn't been for my family telling me how yellow I was and insisting I go have a clinic doctor look at me (he told me to get to emerg. asap), I probably would have died, perhaps by slipping into a coma in my sleep.

I don't know if my advice is right or wrong .. but if it were me, back then, who was "that woman" in your AA group ... I think I would have probably been there out of desperation, knowing deep down how "far gone" I was already, and hoping for some sort of miracle chance to get out of this lifestyle, before I die. I would have wanted you to offer to go to the doctor or emerg. with me, or at least to talk about going and maybe help me get a plan together, tell me a few good stories that turned out well (like the one I just told you here, in this post). I'm sure she feels very alone and scared.

But ... that's just me. I don't know if it's the right advice, but that's what I would have wanted.

Hope she is going to be OK.

ACT10Npack

If she is drive and you know that she is drunk then you can call the cops to make sure she does not hurt anyone. Are you sure he is drinking at meetings? It could be that she is just ill in general.

Persona it's not anyone business if she does not want anyone help.

cuyootoo

And that particular individual might be contagious. So, calling an ambulance is reasonable. If the hospital found that her alcoholism was to blame they could have her committed to the psychiatric ward until she was no longer a danger to herself. And then after a month or so, she could be a lot better.

1undone

I don't think she is actually bringing alcohol to the meetings but she's clearly drinking before as she really smells of hard alcohol. I'll go next week and see what's up. If I'm up to it I'll at the very least ask her if she needs help and point out the yellow. It of course all depends on how the course of the after meeting goes. Who knows someone may get to her before me as we are all noticing it.

tanja

Isn't AA about support? If you see that she is ill and suffering - please offer her some help. If I saw someone suffering and didn't help - I don't know that I could live with myself.

Dee74

I know this is an emotive issue but I've seen enough people go off the rails themselves by trying to help others too soon in their recovery.

I think it's important to remember that we might not be qualified or yet be in a position to give some kinds of help....sometimes the help is not wanted...

if you're unsure, 1Undone I recommend you stop and consider the other persons welfare and
yours from every angle you can think of.

Maybe speak to others at your meeting?

I like what StPeteGrad said:
D