My Commitment to recovery...
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
My Commitment to recovery...
Today I need to remind myself that the only person's recovery I am responsible for is my own...
It's been a little over 2 months since my ex-boyfriend and I parted ways and for my own good, I WILL NOT reach out to him....
The healthy side of me knows that not reaching out to him is in my best interest, yet, the unhealthy side of me is fearful that he wouldn't want to be bothered with me anyway;(
Lately, I can relate to what an alcoholic experiences in terms of having to give up certain friends when they choose sobriety over drinking...
Since I will no longer accept being part of any relationships that are either one-sided or just plain toxic, there are a lot of people in my life that I have needed to let go of....
I just wish I didn't feel such "mixed feelings." Once I made up my mind to work on my emotional sobriety, I feel so much calmer than I used to, yet at the same time, I feel so lonely....
Someone once said, you get better before you feel better....
While I know, I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who is actively addicted (Lord knows, I've been there more than once...)
I still miss him...
Sometimes, I wonder if he misses me too? or he doesn't care at all...
(again, this is the unhealthy part of me that needs reassurance....)
Then the healthy part of me responds by saying....Does it matter??? and the answer is...No!
Today I need to remind myself, that I am the only person who is allowed to be in charge of my self-esteem...
I can miss him whether he misses me or not!
Thanks for letting me share!
It's been a little over 2 months since my ex-boyfriend and I parted ways and for my own good, I WILL NOT reach out to him....
The healthy side of me knows that not reaching out to him is in my best interest, yet, the unhealthy side of me is fearful that he wouldn't want to be bothered with me anyway;(
Lately, I can relate to what an alcoholic experiences in terms of having to give up certain friends when they choose sobriety over drinking...
Since I will no longer accept being part of any relationships that are either one-sided or just plain toxic, there are a lot of people in my life that I have needed to let go of....
I just wish I didn't feel such "mixed feelings." Once I made up my mind to work on my emotional sobriety, I feel so much calmer than I used to, yet at the same time, I feel so lonely....
Someone once said, you get better before you feel better....
While I know, I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who is actively addicted (Lord knows, I've been there more than once...)
I still miss him...
Sometimes, I wonder if he misses me too? or he doesn't care at all...
(again, this is the unhealthy part of me that needs reassurance....)
Then the healthy part of me responds by saying....Does it matter??? and the answer is...No!
Today I need to remind myself, that I am the only person who is allowed to be in charge of my self-esteem...
I can miss him whether he misses me or not!
Thanks for letting me share!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
WOW diva76....I am going thru the same thing w my ex....Over 2 weeks ago I told him not to contact me unless he made the change and became sober and wanted to work on a healthy relationship. I have maintained my strength but I miss him like hell. I know that focusing on me is the best thing to do. As long as I am doing the right thing, I feel life will eventually fall into place and I won't be so lonely. Keep hanging in there, you sound determined and strong 
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by pikkle69 
You are not responsible for other people's feelings...
You are so right...
Before I was in recovery, I thought I WAS responsible for other people's feelings...
Thanks for your reply....
Diva76
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Hello Quitforme79....
I'm glad you were able to find some inspiration from my post..
Believe me, when I was writing it, I felt SOOOO lousy;(
I have learned that it's totally OK to have feelings, but it's not always wise to act on them...
I can understand where you're at though...
2 weeks is not a whole lot of time, so it's natural that you're still having a rough time....
For now, I promised myself that I would not attempt to contact my ex-boyfriend for at least 6 months...
By then, I'll have more recovery under my belt and may see things in a totally different light....
The thing I need to keep working on is not to take what has happened personally....
If you're ever having a moment of weakness (like I was earlier), please don't hesistate to send me a private e-mail...
At times like these, we can all use the extra support...
Thank you so much for replying to my post...
At least my feelings aren't as "off the wall" as I originally thought they were....
Best wishes,
Diva 76
I'm glad you were able to find some inspiration from my post..
Believe me, when I was writing it, I felt SOOOO lousy;(
I have learned that it's totally OK to have feelings, but it's not always wise to act on them...
I can understand where you're at though...
2 weeks is not a whole lot of time, so it's natural that you're still having a rough time....
For now, I promised myself that I would not attempt to contact my ex-boyfriend for at least 6 months...
By then, I'll have more recovery under my belt and may see things in a totally different light....
The thing I need to keep working on is not to take what has happened personally....
If you're ever having a moment of weakness (like I was earlier), please don't hesistate to send me a private e-mail...
At times like these, we can all use the extra support...
Thank you so much for replying to my post...
At least my feelings aren't as "off the wall" as I originally thought they were....
Best wishes,
Diva 76
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