LilliesForever

I am fearing when I must attend an event (art opening, I have some friends in bands, parties) where there is alcohol. How does everyone deal with not drinking at events?

Tippingpoint

Well, you just have to do it.

Trust me, it's a way bigger deal in your head than it is going to be to anyone that is there. Order a perrier and be very particular about how you want it..."with a little bit of ice and a twist of lime please".

If anyone makes a comment you can say any one of a number of things.

"I'm driving".

"I've got a big day tomorrow".

"I'm on medication".

Good luck with it!

celticgenes

Hi, So many options to choose from. One of my favorites, courtesty of another A, is "not right now, thank you" when I am offered an alcoholic beverage. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Just a smile, and "not tonight, thank you". Good luck!

Dee74

Welcome LilliesForever

Personally, I stayed away from events for a while until I felt secure in wanting sobriety.

That way, when I did go back, temptation wasn't a problem - I knew not drinking was right for me...and nothing anyone could say, or do, would shake that.

If you have to go to things, though, have a escape plan ready for if things get too much - a sober buddy might be helpful too.

Make sure you always get your own drinks and keep them freshened up.

As far as people asking me if I wanted a drink etc - I simply say no thanks.

I think we've made drinking such a central part of our lives, we assume people need an explanation - but they really don't

D

JohnnyH

Dee that's a great a point. People who drink casually and have never had a problem won't think twice when you turn down a drink. To people who have had aclohol problems, we tend to think that everybody is wondering why we are not drinking when in reality, people probably aren't even noticing.

RaiderRuss

Important to have an exit plan, and a plan B, C and D, in case things go wrong. When I'm in that environment, I find my own Safe Place and hangout there most of the time. Just say to yourself "I am here to enjoy myself" and "don't let the obsession of drinking ruin my night"... there's also Step 3 to turn to, if you're an AA'er

MsJax

In the first 5 months of my sobriety, I went to zero social type events. I did go to a couple charity fun walks, that's it. I think it takes a while to become comfortable in ones own sober skin so (for me) it was good to skip the social/party stuff.

Like Dee said, when you do go out, be sure to get your own drinks or if the situation allows, bring your own special water or juice or whatever.

You owe no one an explanation for not drinking.

It is such a great feeling to be able to attend a few events now and not worry about where my next drink is coming from, does anyone realize how loaded I am, can I drive, blackouts...my God, what a relief to be sober. Plus no hangover You can do it, make a plan for yourself.

pikkle69

Not going sucks but if you don't think you will have the will power to abstain, it's better than the alternative...

TimFoot

All good advice. I drank club soda with lime which looks like a mixed drink to some but you're right that no one cares who is drinking or not.

eJoshua

I think there's definitely a lot of wisdom in giving yourself an out in these situations. A good friend of mine who has more sober time than me often talks about having an escape plan.

WritingFool

I agree with everyone else - just don't explain. If someone asks, make up an excuse. No one really cares. You may be surprised how much easier it is than you had thought.

LilliesForever

Thank you so much for all this great advice!!! I feel more confident now

pikkle69

Years ago when I didn't drink and used to go to such events, I'd simply state I had an allergy to alcohol. Works for most foods I don't like either!

doggonecarl

Must is such an unyielding word choice. Like you have no choice. Must you attend art openings, gathering with band friends, and parties? I will answer for you, no. Especially if they will prompt you to drink. These aren't events that urgently require your presence. It doesn't mean you can't ever go, but like Dee said, in early recovery, it might be necessary to cut ties with your former life for a while.

But if you decide otherwise, do as others have suggested--have an exit strategy.

Good luck.

PaleMale

Leaving early has worked for me.

Art Opening are not usually Bacchanalian drink fests, in my experience. The crowds and general lack of seating and little or no food doesn't lead to long visits. Although, the temptations exist. It's a really good sign you are being preemptive and preparing. You can also decline to go.

As they say, we have little defense against that first drink. But you are showing some defense now, while there is still time.

Cydonia

I always make sure to drive myself and be the DD. If anyone asks why I'm not drinking it's that I'm the DD and/or that I refuse to have any alcohol in my system while I'm driving.

Diet cokes and sugar free red bulls can be your friend. It helps me to always have a drink in my hand, and sometimes the bartenders give me free diet cokes since they know I'm not drinking.

Rocking it on the dance floor will also help, it gives you a natural high. Shaking your booty and such lol

LaFemme

I used alcohol as a crutch in social events becaus eoc my shyness and insecurity. In order to feel remotely comfortable in events now that I don't have alcohol irequired some work with my therapist, and I'm actually taking an acting class to boost my confidence.

As to what to say and drink. I usually drink seltzer with a lemon and say no thanks if someone offers me a drink. The more you go tongue easier it gets