Breaking the cycle- How to be alone?
Breaking the cycle- How to be alone?
Hi everyone... Posted last week about my BF who has relapsed but gotten clean again... for 5 days then I came home to him smoking crack in the apt. I have been compeltely keeping my distance, letting his family deal with the drama. But you know addicts "show up" where ever you are and insanity ensues.
Call me dramatic, but I made the decision not to be with him anymore. A really big step for me. I haven't told him yet... I was about to but he was 5 minutes away from going to sober living. Now he's there and I feel as if we've already parted ways. I can't stop crying and mourning the loss of the good things we had during his years of sobriety... But after all this I have 0 trust. And I feel I need to be alone...
Can't eat, can't sleep because when I think about losing us I cry... I tried to get a hold of 5 girls in the program last night around midnight.. no one answered and I just feel hopeless.... Needing some words of encouragement.
I'm sure you all relate, but thing love we had was so special.... Is special. Just incredibly damaged and tainted.
Call me dramatic, but I made the decision not to be with him anymore. A really big step for me. I haven't told him yet... I was about to but he was 5 minutes away from going to sober living. Now he's there and I feel as if we've already parted ways. I can't stop crying and mourning the loss of the good things we had during his years of sobriety... But after all this I have 0 trust. And I feel I need to be alone...
Can't eat, can't sleep because when I think about losing us I cry... I tried to get a hold of 5 girls in the program last night around midnight.. no one answered and I just feel hopeless.... Needing some words of encouragement.
I'm sure you all relate, but thing love we had was so special.... Is special. Just incredibly damaged and tainted.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 121
Yes pretty much all of us significant others of A's feel or have felt this way about our relationships. What helped me "let go" of my AXBF is not having contact. First I did not contact him at all. Then I would not answer his calls. Now he doesn't even attempt to contact me so I know that I have made the right decision. He does not want to be a part of mine or the kids' lives. I'm ok with that. I have so much peace and serenity without his chaos. That is just what worked for me, you will find answers in your own time.
I just keep praying to god... Sometimes asking why this happen, sometimes asking for the strength to get through it.
This damn woman I work with keeps telling me "I don't love him enough" to walk through this again and thats why im leaving. I think I just love myself more...
I just realized that being with him took a serious toll on my program.. The two things addicts use over, finance and romance. I really need to stay close to AA or the pain could prove too much. No one is immune to relapse, not even me with 7 years.
Thank you so much for your support : )
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