Hopeful
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest U.S.A.
Posts: 130
Hopeful
Hey everyone. I am so glad I found this forum today. I have been browsing posts and it feels so good to realize I'm not in this alone. Today is the first day of my life that I have decided I can do this.
My background story is that I started drinking when I was 13. I am now 26 and yesterday was my breaking point.
I went bowling with my husband, 8 month old daughter and friends for someone's birthday. I had already had 5 beers by the time I left the house. I always have to down several beers or chug several glasses of wine when I am getting ready to go out and then I continue to drink wherever I am at.
Well, yesterday my husband and I had a huge blowout fight. He was ready to go home (and so was my poor daughter who he typically has to hold all night when we go out so I can drink..) and of course, I wanted to party more with my friends. I am always the drunkest person there and some of my friends don't even drink. I feel like I have to drink to be able to socialize. I am so anxious and shy when I am sober.
Anyways, I kept telling my husband that I just wanted one more drink. He left me and went and sat in the car with my baby for an hour before he came back in and asked me again to leave with him. I told him no and gave up and went home by himself. I continued to drink and everyone else started to leave except one couple. We went to another bar where I told them I just wanted one more drink and we ended up staying til closing time even though my friends husband kept telling me he was frustrated with me. My friend puked out of her window before we went home and I didn't even think anything of it! When I finally got home my husband was up waiting for me. We got into a big heated argument and he ended up punching a huge hole in the wall he was so mad at me. Now, I don't even know if that is acceptable for him to do that but I was sitting in the room staring at the hole in the wall and that is when I came to the realization that I can't live this way anymore.
I am not sure I can stop drinking but I finally am accepting that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC! I am so ashamed of myself. I hate being the selfish person I am. I am so scared that nobody will like me sober. I am so scared that I won't be able to handle social situations without drinking. I am so scared I won't be able to say no!
Thanks for reading my rambling post, I am just here looking for a little comfort in my steps to sobriety.
My background story is that I started drinking when I was 13. I am now 26 and yesterday was my breaking point.
I went bowling with my husband, 8 month old daughter and friends for someone's birthday. I had already had 5 beers by the time I left the house. I always have to down several beers or chug several glasses of wine when I am getting ready to go out and then I continue to drink wherever I am at.
Well, yesterday my husband and I had a huge blowout fight. He was ready to go home (and so was my poor daughter who he typically has to hold all night when we go out so I can drink..) and of course, I wanted to party more with my friends. I am always the drunkest person there and some of my friends don't even drink. I feel like I have to drink to be able to socialize. I am so anxious and shy when I am sober.
Anyways, I kept telling my husband that I just wanted one more drink. He left me and went and sat in the car with my baby for an hour before he came back in and asked me again to leave with him. I told him no and gave up and went home by himself. I continued to drink and everyone else started to leave except one couple. We went to another bar where I told them I just wanted one more drink and we ended up staying til closing time even though my friends husband kept telling me he was frustrated with me. My friend puked out of her window before we went home and I didn't even think anything of it! When I finally got home my husband was up waiting for me. We got into a big heated argument and he ended up punching a huge hole in the wall he was so mad at me. Now, I don't even know if that is acceptable for him to do that but I was sitting in the room staring at the hole in the wall and that is when I came to the realization that I can't live this way anymore.
I am not sure I can stop drinking but I finally am accepting that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC! I am so ashamed of myself. I hate being the selfish person I am. I am so scared that nobody will like me sober. I am so scared that I won't be able to handle social situations without drinking. I am so scared I won't be able to say no!
Thanks for reading my rambling post, I am just here looking for a little comfort in my steps to sobriety.
a southern belle
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: tennessee
Posts: 265
i understand your fears. i had them too. the truth is....life is soooo much easier when we are sober. i would not have believed that when i was drinking. i too had to drink before going anywhere...down several before leaving the house. it seems so ridiculous to me now. it was absurd. i am happier today in my own skin than i have ever ever ever been! you desperately need to stop the insanity now....before you risk losing everything and everyone that you love. you have a baby. you have a husband. you have it all!!! i admire your husband for punching the wall ......it could have been much worse! get the help you all need....good luck and good love....mags
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 328
Welcome to SR, OT!!! This site has helped me so much in my recovery time. We have all been where you are right now, and I know it sucks. Hang in there, keep reading all the threads. That is what I did for the first two weeks of my sobriety, and it kept me sane, just knowing that there are so many of us out there who have been through everything we have.
Congratulations on day 1!!!
Congratulations on day 1!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 42
Hello overthis,
Although very new to this as well the one thing I can recommend is to NOT let reading a few posts on here be the end. Let it be the beginning. Keep reading! You and I seem to have similar problems regarding social anxieties. I know where you are are right now concerning being scared. You probably searched the Internet this morning looking for answers as did I last week. I do not think it an accident you found this place any more than it was an accident I did. There are SOOOO many people who were where we are at now that it's comforting (at least for me) to know just that and that things can be better. Help IS here! You just gotta grab hold of that life vest and keep hanging on.
You have a loving husband who just may not know yet how to help you and a beautiful baby who needs her mommy. There are SO many people on your side!!!!
Being so new to recovery myself perhaps I'm not the best to offer help or advice but I just want to let you know that the people here are the best thing that ever happened to me!
Take care, hang in there and stay strong.
Although very new to this as well the one thing I can recommend is to NOT let reading a few posts on here be the end. Let it be the beginning. Keep reading! You and I seem to have similar problems regarding social anxieties. I know where you are are right now concerning being scared. You probably searched the Internet this morning looking for answers as did I last week. I do not think it an accident you found this place any more than it was an accident I did. There are SOOOO many people who were where we are at now that it's comforting (at least for me) to know just that and that things can be better. Help IS here! You just gotta grab hold of that life vest and keep hanging on.
You have a loving husband who just may not know yet how to help you and a beautiful baby who needs her mommy. There are SO many people on your side!!!!
Being so new to recovery myself perhaps I'm not the best to offer help or advice but I just want to let you know that the people here are the best thing that ever happened to me!
Take care, hang in there and stay strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest U.S.A.
Posts: 130
Thank you so much for the encouragement everyone. I am feeling so motivated to change my life for the better. I hope I can hold on to these positive thoughts. My husband is fixing the hole in the wall right now and I am so ashamed that I have put him through so much! He apologized to me this morning and said HE was ashamed of how he acted. I am so disgusted with myself. You are so right steelmagnolias, this insanity needs to stop. I am going to continue to come to this forum for help. I CAN do this! Good luck to all of you as well.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I understand your fears.
It's more important for you to like yourself as a sober person, rather than care if others like the sober you. If they do, they do, if not, so be it. I do find that I am less social now that I am sober and that's fine with me. My life had become unmanageable, so giving up some social situations was a no-brainer for me. I wanted to keep my marriage and family and my health. Those things were a lot more important.
It's more important for you to like yourself as a sober person, rather than care if others like the sober you. If they do, they do, if not, so be it. I do find that I am less social now that I am sober and that's fine with me. My life had become unmanageable, so giving up some social situations was a no-brainer for me. I wanted to keep my marriage and family and my health. Those things were a lot more important.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, overthis!
You're definitely not alone. After a drink or two, all I thought about was getting more. I knew I had a problem but kept putting it off - I couldn't imagine life without drinking. Now I can't imagine going back to it.
Addiction and alcoholism affect millions of people and create chaos in our lives. Don't feel ashamed - be proud that you had the courage to reach out. This is something we just can't do on our own.
Glad you're here!
You're definitely not alone. After a drink or two, all I thought about was getting more. I knew I had a problem but kept putting it off - I couldn't imagine life without drinking. Now I can't imagine going back to it.
Addiction and alcoholism affect millions of people and create chaos in our lives. Don't feel ashamed - be proud that you had the courage to reach out. This is something we just can't do on our own.
Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Your story is similar to my own and here
I am 21 yrs sober continueing on my
recovery journey.
I, a mom, wife, 7 yrs married, 2 beautiful
children and I loved to drink just like many,
except i had problems that followed me.
My family stepped in with an intervention
sending me to rehab where I stayed 28 days
learning about my alcoholism and recieving
the tools of steps and principles set down
before us many years ago of how to stay
sober one day at a time incorperating those
tools into my everyday life.
I am glad i was given that opportunity in
my life while my kids were still young to
learn to stay sober because as a parent
raising kids sober is extremely important.
IMO.
I didnt become an AA guru where i spent
hours upon hours hanging with recovery
people because i had to find balance between
my recovery and family life.
I did what was important in my recovery
and applied what i was learning in my family
life and in all areas of my life.
My journey still continues, but I went thru
many changes which ended my 1st marriage
at 25 yrs, and 2 awesome kids college grads,
happy, grown, content in their own mature
lives.
Today im remarried happily for almost 3 yrs
and still applying my recovery in my everyday
affairs sharing my own experiences, strengths
and hopes of what it was like before during
and after my drinking career to those who
are still suffering with addiction.
Life is grand and rewarding even today because
I live a sober way of life.
It's a gift that I humbly appreciate daily.
I am 21 yrs sober continueing on my
recovery journey.
I, a mom, wife, 7 yrs married, 2 beautiful
children and I loved to drink just like many,
except i had problems that followed me.
My family stepped in with an intervention
sending me to rehab where I stayed 28 days
learning about my alcoholism and recieving
the tools of steps and principles set down
before us many years ago of how to stay
sober one day at a time incorperating those
tools into my everyday life.
I am glad i was given that opportunity in
my life while my kids were still young to
learn to stay sober because as a parent
raising kids sober is extremely important.
IMO.
I didnt become an AA guru where i spent
hours upon hours hanging with recovery
people because i had to find balance between
my recovery and family life.
I did what was important in my recovery
and applied what i was learning in my family
life and in all areas of my life.
My journey still continues, but I went thru
many changes which ended my 1st marriage
at 25 yrs, and 2 awesome kids college grads,
happy, grown, content in their own mature
lives.
Today im remarried happily for almost 3 yrs
and still applying my recovery in my everyday
affairs sharing my own experiences, strengths
and hopes of what it was like before during
and after my drinking career to those who
are still suffering with addiction.
Life is grand and rewarding even today because
I live a sober way of life.
It's a gift that I humbly appreciate daily.
You've made a good decision to get sober. I quit drinking almost two years ago and don't regret a minute of it - only wish I'd done it sooner.Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Overthis,
Congrats on coming here and making a decision to change your life. I did want to add that worrying about whether you will be "liked sober" is really just worrying about being liked period.
You have made your decision based on something you may not even now have verbalized to yourself.
Perhaps your drinking has gotten to the point where you are not liked by anybody anymore when you are drinking too. We all have been there exactly where you are.
Congrats on coming here and making a decision to change your life. I did want to add that worrying about whether you will be "liked sober" is really just worrying about being liked period.
You have made your decision based on something you may not even now have verbalized to yourself.
Perhaps your drinking has gotten to the point where you are not liked by anybody anymore when you are drinking too. We all have been there exactly where you are.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest U.S.A.
Posts: 130
Wow Itchy, I hadn't even looked at it that way. You are right on. I don't know why I always assumed everyone liked my drunken ways. I saw myself as "the life of the party". I am so selfish. Now that I am reflecting on everything, I am positive that I am just an annoying drunk. My husband always tells me he hates my drunk personality and I never wanted to hear any of it. I guess it would be better to be a shy quiet person that just a drunk fool.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 42
Overthis,
Wow! I don't even think we understand how much we all help each other even when the help is unintentional.
Overthis, ... today you helped me more by saying this than you can imagine.
Thank you. I needed to hear JUST that today, when I did.
Wow! I don't even think we understand how much we all help each other even when the help is unintentional.
Overthis, ... today you helped me more by saying this than you can imagine.
I guess it would be better to be a shy quiet person that just a drunk fool.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Honestly, I think shy, quiet people are really pleasant to be around, and interesting when you can get to know them a bit. It feels like a gift when they share a little - unlike people who are always brash and bold and share everything with the world without encouragement.
I hope your husband will also get some help in handling this - it will be a big help to both of you in both the short and long term. Al-Anon or right here in the friends and family of alcoholics forum are both good places to start.
I hope your husband will also get some help in handling this - it will be a big help to both of you in both the short and long term. Al-Anon or right here in the friends and family of alcoholics forum are both good places to start.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Welcome!
Realizing you are an alcoholic is a big first step. Now what are you going to do about it? Stick around SR and you will find a lot of wisdom. Quitting at your young age would be a wonderful thing, many of us older folks wish we would have had that wisdom.
Realizing you are an alcoholic is a big first step. Now what are you going to do about it? Stick around SR and you will find a lot of wisdom. Quitting at your young age would be a wonderful thing, many of us older folks wish we would have had that wisdom.
Foo Fighter.
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: So.FL.
Posts: 119
You will find everything is better when your sober, in a few months you will be so proud of yourself you will cry tears of joy, you will not be able to stop smiling, and your only regret will be not having done it sooner. You will love yourself and everyone around you will love you also. Welcome to the best parts of your life. Here they come.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest U.S.A.
Posts: 130
Nikoneer, I'm glad you were able to get something out of my post. I have found this forum to be so eye-opening already.
Right now, I'm struggling thinking about what the future holds. I know that alcohol is only a temporary fix that just makes more messes in the long run. I keep second-guessing myself and my decision to quit though. I don't know if I'm strong enough to be sober. I have a bachelorette party to go to next weekend, a wedding the following weekend and then holidays, new years, etc. I don't know if I really can get through all this without alcohol. But then again, it would be amazing to actually remember these events!
Right now, I'm struggling thinking about what the future holds. I know that alcohol is only a temporary fix that just makes more messes in the long run. I keep second-guessing myself and my decision to quit though. I don't know if I'm strong enough to be sober. I have a bachelorette party to go to next weekend, a wedding the following weekend and then holidays, new years, etc. I don't know if I really can get through all this without alcohol. But then again, it would be amazing to actually remember these events!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 42
Overthis,
Your darn tootin I got something out of your post! AND when I needed it most. I'm starting to see and understand that's how this place works. We build upon not only our accomplishments but our failures as well by sharing them ALL honestly in a "safe place".
I know how much of a struggle it is. We all do or we wouldn't be here. I was just thinking about quitting my job because I thought I needed to do that because I was so unsure about my future. Even WITH the support of a boss who's behind me all the way not to mention my sis and the great people here on SR. That wasn't "rational me" thinking that was the alcohol trying it's best to keep it's hold on me. Please don't listen to the alcohol part of you but listen to the part of you that you used to know. She's still there. It may have a quieter voice but you know it's there talking to you.
I can only speak for myself but I've decided even though it's been 40 years an alcoholic I gonna fight back da^^^^it!
I really, honestly hope you decide to fight back Overthis. Your SOOO lucky to have realized your problem so young when there's time to do something about it! I have to live a life of thinking "what if" and "if only". A life of regrets..... You do not have to go down that path. But only you can make that decision.
Your darn tootin I got something out of your post! AND when I needed it most. I'm starting to see and understand that's how this place works. We build upon not only our accomplishments but our failures as well by sharing them ALL honestly in a "safe place".
I know how much of a struggle it is. We all do or we wouldn't be here. I was just thinking about quitting my job because I thought I needed to do that because I was so unsure about my future. Even WITH the support of a boss who's behind me all the way not to mention my sis and the great people here on SR. That wasn't "rational me" thinking that was the alcohol trying it's best to keep it's hold on me. Please don't listen to the alcohol part of you but listen to the part of you that you used to know. She's still there. It may have a quieter voice but you know it's there talking to you.
I can only speak for myself but I've decided even though it's been 40 years an alcoholic I gonna fight back da^^^^it!
I really, honestly hope you decide to fight back Overthis. Your SOOO lucky to have realized your problem so young when there's time to do something about it! I have to live a life of thinking "what if" and "if only". A life of regrets..... You do not have to go down that path. But only you can make that decision.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
Overthis - First I KNOW someone who is going to like you much better - your daughter. She is ALWAYS going to pick the sober Mom. (I have 4 kids)
And You can do this and now is the time. Do you really want the stress of the holidays and you drinking hanging over your head? It doesn't sound like you or anyone around you is having a great time while you're drinking - sounds to me like you're spending a lot of time working on how you're going to keep our drinking going for the night, who's going to drive to the next bar, what you'll have to drink if the party ends and you're not totally wasted. Yes, we've been there.
And don't think I didn't say to myself when I finally reached the point of saying "Now is the time to quit." I was like freakin November?!? You've got to be kidding!! The holidays are coming up, and then the Superbowl, then Spring break in Fl, then Memorial Day, then summer BBQ, then 4th of July ... you get the picture...
Anyway - maybe it's your sober self saying "Hey how about we quit now and enjoy my child's first Christmas? And birthday, and first step, and first word, well you get the picture Just a thought...
And You can do this and now is the time. Do you really want the stress of the holidays and you drinking hanging over your head? It doesn't sound like you or anyone around you is having a great time while you're drinking - sounds to me like you're spending a lot of time working on how you're going to keep our drinking going for the night, who's going to drive to the next bar, what you'll have to drink if the party ends and you're not totally wasted. Yes, we've been there.
And don't think I didn't say to myself when I finally reached the point of saying "Now is the time to quit." I was like freakin November?!? You've got to be kidding!! The holidays are coming up, and then the Superbowl, then Spring break in Fl, then Memorial Day, then summer BBQ, then 4th of July ... you get the picture...
Anyway - maybe it's your sober self saying "Hey how about we quit now and enjoy my child's first Christmas? And birthday, and first step, and first word, well you get the picture Just a thought...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest U.S.A.
Posts: 130
So very true, Tigger. I need to remember the most important person in my life, my baby girl, needs me to be sober. Now is the time for me to grow up and quit this silly drinking thing!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Overthis - I love your post and the responses. I agree with Nikoneer - it's great that you're realizing this now. When I was 26 my life was already off track, yet I went on for many years trying to control my drinking. Long after it stopped being fun and relaxing, I insisted I could make it enjoyable again. Always looking for those early days of euphoria, and they weren't coming back. They never can for us.
I'm a shy, self-conscious person too - and I can tell you that drinking is the worst thing in the world for our personality type. What we need to do is grow and mature, not mask our feelings and emotions with alcohol. Getting numb isn't fun or exciting - it's boring, dangerous, unpredictable. I'm so glad you won't ever have to go through the hell that I did - you're going to win this battle and have a whole new life. We're with you all the way.
I'm a shy, self-conscious person too - and I can tell you that drinking is the worst thing in the world for our personality type. What we need to do is grow and mature, not mask our feelings and emotions with alcohol. Getting numb isn't fun or exciting - it's boring, dangerous, unpredictable. I'm so glad you won't ever have to go through the hell that I did - you're going to win this battle and have a whole new life. We're with you all the way.
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