Tinyrev

Hi everyone! I have been following this site since I got sober 14 months ago. So, thank you all for helping me this far! I decided to sign up because at this point, I have found my recovery to be quite stagnant. I didn't use aa so far, instead kept it as a tool to use when I feel like I Need to, which I do now, and am going to a meeting this week. It's not so much that I feel I'm going to relapse, but I feel like I'm not "getting better" or working as hard on this life as I could.

My main question? My boyfriend. We live together, and he is supportive of my sobriety, but he himself drinks himself drunk every single night. I think that until now, I haven't let it bother me because I was too busy with my new life to worry about another persons addiction. But seriously, I am getting so very tired of going to bed with a hot rum machine, and knowing his patterns like I knew my own. I brought it up to him finally today, that I felt like being surrounded all day every day by booze is getting in the way of my recovery, and he heard me. His answer tone was to go to the bar instead of deinking at home, and then very classic..said he thinks he can cut down, but he doesn't want to detox like I did, or our friend did.

I love him, but I love the prospects of what life has in front of me more! I know that this relationship will eventually end, but shaking this is seriously harder than shaking the booze. I guess maybe because no bottle has ever said it wants to spend the rest of it's life with me. (well, out loud anyway. Ha!)

Any advice for little ol me? Anyone who's been through it?

Thanks!

Dee74

Congratulations on your sober time tinyrev

I hope we can help you work out your dull patch - you'll find a lot of ideas here

As far as your relationship with your bf goes - looks like you're prepared for its eventual conclusion?

You might find our Family and Friends forum good reading in that respect too

Welcome - officially - to SR
D

sugarbear1

At 30 days sober, I kicked my boyfriend out of my apartment. He doesn't drink or use, but he was very predictable & lazy. We've kept in touch on the phone, yet I have no desire to see him. I couldn't have gotten sober if he were drinking all day! Today, I can deal with neighbors getting high on their balcony--they're loud & talk stupid!

Kudos to you!

flutter

I cannot have people in my life that are active alcoholics/addicts. My serenity is too precious to me, and I think I'd have to make some serious changes to protect it. It sounds like you're in a really good place recovery wise.. I know I had to change pretty much everything around me to support my new life. Easier said than done, I know.

SamanthaIam

Excellent job on the 14 months! Look how amazing and strong you are. I don't have much in the way of advice, but I hope you will keep posting your thoughts and progress here, as I'm probably going to have to deal with this same things at some point.

Right now, I'm just 19 days and loving it. But I am just focused on me instead of him right now.

steelmagnolia

great for you tiny! and, welcome to SR. sounds to me like the fog has lifted from your head and your rose colored glasses have been removed. when i see continually drunk ppl now, it saddens me and to some degree it repulses me. i dont even want to remember myself at that stage. it would only bring shame and disgust back into the picture. i can see that you have become a much stronger and level headed person thru your recovery. you are seeing the future darkness with an alcoholic companion. kudos to you for realizing that your life will go on .....and in better form without him. do yourself another gigantic favor...follow your instincts! they are healthy now and are probably right on the money. good luck and good love....mags

cuyootoo

That really is a crappy way to live. I know because I have done it. Maybe he isn't happy with his alcoholism either, but just doesn't know how to live the way he wants to? Did you let him know that you are thinking about leaving him because you don't like his lifestyle anymore? If not for you, is he at least willing to change his lifestyle so that he can live the life that he truly wants to?