why do I do this....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
why do I do this....
I've been fighting my addiction on and off. Everytime I sober up, then I realise I have no life, no friends, i'm all alone in my appartment for the entire weekend, bored to death,
When I give up drugs, I want a better quality of life in return, that's the whole point,
Last couple of months i've lost the last of my contacts and friend,
People are starting to ask me if i'm very very lonely,
I lie, pretending to be tough and content,
But i'm not.
My life of the last few years has consists of continuous relapses, damage control, relational/social issues and struggling at the best of my abilities to maintain a job.
I've let myself be professional examined, nothing wrong me according to the shrinks and docters, their advice was to keep active, since I have a very high IQ and EQ, and stay of drugs.
I guess it's all about the following: i'm a tiny spec in an enourmous society were most social activity envolves around drinking, doing drugs, selfdestruction, surrendering to all lusts and impulses making one stupid mistake after another. I would love to make new, positive, sober friends, but they have hidden themselves in a cave or something and i don't know the entrance
I really really don't know how to make a new start, getting sober and staying sober aint the problem, however the lacking of some life fundamentals make me weak and unhappy
When I give up drugs, I want a better quality of life in return, that's the whole point,
Last couple of months i've lost the last of my contacts and friend,
People are starting to ask me if i'm very very lonely,
I lie, pretending to be tough and content,
But i'm not.
My life of the last few years has consists of continuous relapses, damage control, relational/social issues and struggling at the best of my abilities to maintain a job.
I've let myself be professional examined, nothing wrong me according to the shrinks and docters, their advice was to keep active, since I have a very high IQ and EQ, and stay of drugs.
I guess it's all about the following: i'm a tiny spec in an enourmous society were most social activity envolves around drinking, doing drugs, selfdestruction, surrendering to all lusts and impulses making one stupid mistake after another. I would love to make new, positive, sober friends, but they have hidden themselves in a cave or something and i don't know the entrance
I really really don't know how to make a new start, getting sober and staying sober aint the problem, however the lacking of some life fundamentals make me weak and unhappy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
cc,
perhaps find a recovery program that works for you,
work it daily,
and stick with it...
i did, and found the life skills that were lacking.
that was almost none years ago.
all good wishes cc
perhaps find a recovery program that works for you,
work it daily,
and stick with it...
i did, and found the life skills that were lacking.
that was almost none years ago.
all good wishes cc
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I always faltered on this too CC - I wanted to be 'fixed' and happy and content and I wanted it now - but it doesn't work like that.
It took more than not getting high...it took time and effort and patience - and the patience effort and time is not just a means to an end - it's all actually part of the healing process...I learned a lot getting to where I was going....
For me, it took me quite a while to rebuild my life, and myself. It wasn't a quick fix at all, which is why support is so so important.
Noone likes to be alone and lonely and to feel like they're missing out on something.
You're on a dangerous road if you start to feel that.
Even if it were true that 'most social activity envolves around drinking, doing drugs, self destruction' I know for a fact that way of life eats my soul and will kill me.
I'm not sure it is as widespread as we convince ourselves it is anyway.
There is another alternative - I know because I'm living it - and I'm happy content at peace and free
weren't you working an NA programme CC? what happened with that?
Did you meet any people there?
D
It took more than not getting high...it took time and effort and patience - and the patience effort and time is not just a means to an end - it's all actually part of the healing process...I learned a lot getting to where I was going....
For me, it took me quite a while to rebuild my life, and myself. It wasn't a quick fix at all, which is why support is so so important.
Noone likes to be alone and lonely and to feel like they're missing out on something.
You're on a dangerous road if you start to feel that.
Even if it were true that 'most social activity envolves around drinking, doing drugs, self destruction' I know for a fact that way of life eats my soul and will kill me.
I'm not sure it is as widespread as we convince ourselves it is anyway.
There is another alternative - I know because I'm living it - and I'm happy content at peace and free
weren't you working an NA programme CC? what happened with that?
Did you meet any people there?
D
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
cc...I had a high IQ and EQ too, and it made me a bit of a social misfit throughout my life, with a few exceptions in some cerebral-centered groups. I often drank to "normalize" my social ability. In the process, I destroyed a lot of my true thinking gifts, and now I yearn for them back.
My advice? Don't drink/drug, even for the mental vacation from your normal busy mind. But, also don't isolate...I believe it can drive a person crazy.
Have you looked into Mensa, or other groups that gather around intelligence? Even book and investment clubs are full of thinkers like you probably are.
The thing is, that regardless of our aptitude numbers, using substances clouds our field of vision as if we were a horse wearing blinders, and allows us to only see right in front of us, which is the cognitive areas of our daily life, which we can make using alcohol or drugs. eventually, when we don't use, our field of vision opens, as does our field of perception, and the real mind awakens, and we can find friends and joy in the most unassuming and arcane places.
Being smart can be lonely, but it doesn't have to be, and we don't have to stoop to a crutch to feel good about ourselves. We just have to accept ourselves as different, and act accordingly.
My advice? Don't drink/drug, even for the mental vacation from your normal busy mind. But, also don't isolate...I believe it can drive a person crazy.
Have you looked into Mensa, or other groups that gather around intelligence? Even book and investment clubs are full of thinkers like you probably are.
The thing is, that regardless of our aptitude numbers, using substances clouds our field of vision as if we were a horse wearing blinders, and allows us to only see right in front of us, which is the cognitive areas of our daily life, which we can make using alcohol or drugs. eventually, when we don't use, our field of vision opens, as does our field of perception, and the real mind awakens, and we can find friends and joy in the most unassuming and arcane places.
Being smart can be lonely, but it doesn't have to be, and we don't have to stoop to a crutch to feel good about ourselves. We just have to accept ourselves as different, and act accordingly.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
There are a lot of social networks online where you can find people that are interested in "sober activities" such as hiking, playing sports, and meeting up at coffee shops for book reviews. A part time job on the weekends at a store you really like can help you to meet people and get you discounts I have been spending a lot of time alone as well but I am early in and still trying to be comfortable in my new lifestyle. I am watching lots of movies I've wanted to see catching up on reading. The bookstore is a wonderful place to blow a couple hours. There are a lot of people out there who don't drink, we just have to find them.
I have been spending a lot of time alone as well but I am early in and still trying to be comfortable in my new lifestyle. I am watching lots of movies I've wanted to see catching up on reading. The bookstore is a wonderful place to blow a couple hours. There are a lot of people out there who don't drink, we just have to find them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Pennsylvania USA
Posts: 37
Hi CC, wow youve kinda hit my issue right on the head. As an addict we've grown accustomed to haveing things 'fixed' for us. having a bad day, take this or that and hey it's better. When we stop useng our normal way of fixing things,it seems like a long arduous almost insurmountable task ahead. It is very easy to rationalize why the return to useing would "improve" our situations. I think deep down we all know this to be the wrong choice, but most of us would rather stick with the devil they know. The basic Conundrum of how do i be happy being unhappy, this was (and is) one of my hardest problems in recovery. Of course i logically understand if i would utilize the skills ive learned in rehab/aa/here i would be well on my way to a positive change in my life ..who knows if i actually gave it a honest go i could be actually happy with life. but really it's much easier to return to useing since i already know all the twists and turns. The thought of change is quite scary, but in my case well to be frank, i suck at waiting, i want what i want when i want it. oh sure i'll wait some predetermined length of time (for me) usually about 30 days then i'll start to let the addictive thinking back in useing perfectly rational explanations. i.e. I stopped drinking to improve relationship with wife/she is upset at how irritable i am lately/i should stop at the bar on the way home form work because it will improve our relationship. these types of mind-traps are obvious when written out or after the fact but at the time they have a certain ring of truth to them.
I hope sharing a bit can shed a little light onto your situation, at least know your not alone with it. i wish you the best with this. The disease of addiction is cunning, baffeling, and powerful. As addicts we all share the trait of being good at manipulation, most of all of ourselves
Good quote: "Our intelligence is high enough, there's no way we can outthink ourselves but the disease of addiction is locked inside our minds. it cannot [U]do[U] anything, in this way we shall overcome, by [U]doing[U] the next right thing."
not sure if thats exact quote but i think it applies
I hope sharing a bit can shed a little light onto your situation, at least know your not alone with it. i wish you the best with this. The disease of addiction is cunning, baffeling, and powerful. As addicts we all share the trait of being good at manipulation, most of all of ourselves
Good quote: "Our intelligence is high enough, there's no way we can outthink ourselves but the disease of addiction is locked inside our minds. it cannot [U]do[U] anything, in this way we shall overcome, by [U]doing[U] the next right thing."
not sure if thats exact quote but i think it applies
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
There are many things you can do with your time that don't involve drinking. You don't need to sit home and be bored. Take a look around your community, get involved in sports, take a course, help out a neighbor, volunteer or try something new and different. I know it's not easy, but you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
I agree with many of the comments already made. Maybe try meetup.com for a social outlet close to you. For me early soberity has meant finding things that I enjoy that aren't about drinking... there are tons of other things I enjoy doing, reading, writing, riding my motorcycle, going roller skating, ect, sometimes it is just about attempting to do something to keep myself away from the bottle.
Anyway, best of luck to you.
Saliena
Anyway, best of luck to you.
Saliena
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
Sorry to hear you're not happy CC, but getting sober is a great foundation for a better life. Sometimes it's tough to get back into the flow of things when getting sober, and we sort of get stuck. Try to take the focus of yourself and get out of your own way. What are your interests/hobbies? I would make getting involved in some regular activities the priority, and perhaps you will make some friends too.
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