Defixing Myself
icutrauma1
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: columbia , md
Posts: 41
Defixing Myself
Hello to all and great admiration for those of you that have made recovery your life, living in recovery. Last night I came to have an understanding of how strong ones as yourselves get high with your recovery.
My story is an old one but my experience is new for me. My GF of 5 years ran out on me again as her drug use was escalating. Her doctor noted she looked like she was coming from a crack house. Nevertheless, he was going to discharge of her care & weekly suboxone if she did not go to rehab for a minimum of 3 months. She had told me she would go for 3 months if she lost the job I got her at Nordstroms. That was back in August. I enabled her.
She is gone & what I need for your support is she left and raged on me with text messages & emails w/ another mail addict cohort of how I abused her, I controlled her w/ my money, I only wanted her for sex, how she was now free on my control.
I had always been delicate with her intimacy due to her life in the sex slave industry and realize she was never intimate with me it was only cold distant sex. Thats ok, but I have attempted to be consistent with her and these accusations make me wonder where I let her down.
She also blamed me for feeling worse & worse about herself & it was me causing her self-esteem issues.
I came to know her for 5 years. She is 25, 1/02/2012, her addict life started when she was 16.
Educate me please. I know I enabled her a great deal and I want to be strong if & when she calls me up at 3 a.m. saying she has had enought and she is wiling to do anything to come back. I do not want to let her in my house again or my life unless she is living a life of recovery. I do not want a life with addiction anymore which I now understand is a life without her, her lies, manipulation, stealing, unfaithfulness(?), selfishness, coldness, uncaring, drug connections, dealers, addicts knowing my business.
Educate me, please.
My story is an old one but my experience is new for me. My GF of 5 years ran out on me again as her drug use was escalating. Her doctor noted she looked like she was coming from a crack house. Nevertheless, he was going to discharge of her care & weekly suboxone if she did not go to rehab for a minimum of 3 months. She had told me she would go for 3 months if she lost the job I got her at Nordstroms. That was back in August. I enabled her.
She is gone & what I need for your support is she left and raged on me with text messages & emails w/ another mail addict cohort of how I abused her, I controlled her w/ my money, I only wanted her for sex, how she was now free on my control.
I had always been delicate with her intimacy due to her life in the sex slave industry and realize she was never intimate with me it was only cold distant sex. Thats ok, but I have attempted to be consistent with her and these accusations make me wonder where I let her down.
She also blamed me for feeling worse & worse about herself & it was me causing her self-esteem issues.
I came to know her for 5 years. She is 25, 1/02/2012, her addict life started when she was 16.
Educate me please. I know I enabled her a great deal and I want to be strong if & when she calls me up at 3 a.m. saying she has had enought and she is wiling to do anything to come back. I do not want to let her in my house again or my life unless she is living a life of recovery. I do not want a life with addiction anymore which I now understand is a life without her, her lies, manipulation, stealing, unfaithfulness(?), selfishness, coldness, uncaring, drug connections, dealers, addicts knowing my business.
Educate me, please.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome Icutrauma 
I'd also check our Family and Friends forums as well:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Good to have you with us,
D
I'd also check our Family and Friends forums as well:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Good to have you with us,
D
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