Habit

I have had very,limited contact with our 37 year old AD. In doing so, I have enjoyed my life again. Actually...I finally had a life after dealing with her addiction for over 15 years.

Monday was my birthday. My AD actually sent me a birthday card a few days before which was very sweet. Normally, if I even get a card it is months after my birthday. She called me after I received my card and we spoke very briefly but it was a cordial conversation.

About a month prior to this, she called Mr. Habit and started attacking my character and our son's character. Same old stuff...blame game. Finally, Mr. Habit hung up on her.

On Monday afternoon, I received an e-mail from her. It is the first one that she has sent me in a long, long time. She wrote that she was not going to call me on my birthday because she knew we were going out. However, she sent me a link on the Sistine Chapel. She wrote in large caps...THIS IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ARE. XX0X0X0 I opened it and indeed it was the Sistine Chapel., I responded to her, "That was a very sweet thing to send to me. I really appreciate it. We keep you in our prayers. Love always, mom."

Mr. Habit and I went out to dinner. When I got home, I tried to shut down my computer. I had a hard time shutting it down. The next day, I could not boot up my computer. It is only 3 months old and I have an antivirus program on it. I called Dell and after running numerous test, I told him what my AD had sent to me. He said, "mame she sent you one of the deadliest viruses out there." I started sobbing and could barely talk with him. He told me that he could remove it but it would remove everything on my computer. I told him to do what he had to do. Literally, I was on the phone with him for 9 1/2 hours. He cleaned it but all my contacts, pictures, documents were gone. I had a back up from Geek Squad, but they "forgot" to back it up. I still had the hard drive from my old computer so I was able to retrieve most of my data. I am truly grateful that they were able to do it.

For the past 4 days, I have been so sick. Couldn't eat...couldn't sleep. Same old grawing feeling in my stomach. My serenity was completely gone. I felt so numb and I couldn't focus on anything. However, last night I slept well and feel much better today. I was so caught off guard. I asked Mr. Habit, is there anything that she will not do?"

She baited me into trusting her to open up the link. It is very uncharacteristic of her to write something nice to me. Why did I fall for it?

After thinking about it and praying about it, I have decided not to confront her. I will go back to NC and pray for her. I am so angry with myself that I "stuck my hands back into the fire again."

I am sorry for the lost post. Thank you so much for allowing me to vent.

havehope

Don't be so hard on yourself I would've probably done the same thing with my daughter. I never give up hope that the sweet girl I raised will make an appearance again. I'm sorry so much damage was done, both on your computer and your emotions. I totally understand. Sending you some mom hugs your way.

chicory

Habit,
I am so sorry that happened to you. I understand your feelings. I would have been just sick too.
To be so tricked that way, and by your own daughter. I will pray for her to recover. I can understand you going NC, as that seems the only safe thing to do.

shake it off, and get back your serenity. This was just so shocking. sending you a hug from another mom who has a child who is lost, emotionally.

chicory

Opivotal

Hi Habit,

I'm so very sorry your heart was hurt like that. From one Mother to another, I would have opened it too! There is always that little glimmer of hope, hiding inside, that things will change. I will pray for you Daughter to recover and find her way. I'm also sending prayers your way, so that you can move forward, in peace.

:ghug3

Best Wishes To You!

dollydo

What a shame! So very sorry that you have to deal with her terrible behavior. No contact sounds like the answer.

Seren

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but I can tell you in my own experience with eliminating computer viruses that some are designed to send themselves. In other words, your daughter's computer may be infected, replicating itself, and mailing itself to everyone on her contact list.....

So....there is some chance that she did not purposefully send this virus to you. How computer savvy is she?

Habit

I would like to believe that. But, unfortunately I don't because of her behavior. She is very computer savvy. I have seen her hotwire computers. Also, several months ago she was in the middle of a heated arguement with her cousin and her husband. She had been living with them. Her cousin sent me an e-mail and stated that our AD was vindictive and a sociopath. Our Ad contacted DFACS and tried to have her cousin's children taken away from her. Her cousin became very afraid of our AD. She e-mailed me that she could send me e-mails and pictures to back up her statements too me.She would not allow her back into her home unless a policeman was there. As it turned out, Mr. Habit picked up her things. Our Ad told me that they sent her a computer virus that crashed her computer. Also, when she was arguing with her cousin, she made a statement to me, "They don't know who they are messing with". She is so clever, I think she sent me a link with the virus on it. Also, there is a safe link to view the Sistine Chapel. Our son said she posted it on Facebook several days ago. Yesterday, I looked on FB and she had posted it again. I think she did it in order to "cover her tracks". Her disease has progressed to the degree that she operates with only the "reptilian" side of her brain. Honestly, I am afraid of her. Mr. Habit said, "there is nothing that anybody can say about her that would shock him."

Ann

You are wise to be afraid if this is her behaviour. Not that living in fear is good, but keeping yourself safe and protecting your home are always a good idea when addiction is at play.

I'm sorry this happened, I understand the sick feeling as you realized what she had done. With each lesson we learn and we grow. That is one of the strangely wrapped gifts that comes from all of this.

Hugs

YearForMe

Habit.....

I am so sorry to hear this.

My daughter is 32 and is in year 17 of her addictions.....she is verrrry computer savvy as well and I still would have clicked on the link if she sent it to me.

So......
In a backwards way.....thank you so much for posting this.....as a warning to everyone else.

I back up all of my computer stuff on Carbonite. It works great and is worth every penny.
You might consider something like that for photos etc.

hopeful0323

My heart broke for you when I read this post. We live and we learn. Hopefully this experience will show you where you need to stand as far as contact with your AD. Hugs and prayers for you!