OwlFeathers

Hi, so am reasking a question I asked on a different forum.... my 23 yr old daughter is in jail, again, because of drugs. Usually I put some money in her account to buy extra underwear, socks, soap, snacks... not much, you know. But it also covers letter stamps, etc. Now I am rethinking it. I want to support her with love. I am wondering if putting money in her account is a no no. Should I just let her deal with the total heaviness of it? What have or would you do/done? Thanks

dollydo

She has three hots and a cot, she doesn't need extra anything. I don't know how it works in the jail she is in, however, many allow you to send stamps & envelopes directly to her. If not, I'd put $5 on her account and advise her what it is for and see what happens.

I agree, might be time for her to face the consequences of her bad decisions.

So sorry that you are having to deal with this yet again.

Ann

I agree with Dolly. It's not necessary to put anything on her account, most prisoners don't have people who do this.

Do what you feel is right for you, put a small amount or nothing at all and just let the rest unfold as it may.

Hugs

atalose

Love doesn’t = money and money doesn’t mean love.

A friend who went through this felt she was putting the money in there because as a
mother in that situation, that was really all she could do. It made her feel like she was
some how taking care of her son as best she could do. How ever the longer he stayed in jail the more demanding he became about the money. After his 3rd arrest and after she had been working her own program for some time, she no longer felt the need to show her love with money. She did how ever put $5.00 on his account for stamps/envelopes for letters she had hoped she and her family would receive. They didn’t and with each new situation she learns new strength she never thought she had.
(((hugs)))

Ilovemysonjj

My son was in jail and we put money in his account. In california there is no tobacco allowed in the jails. he spent the money on protein. He bought tuna, chicken and peanut butter. We also added it to the commissary so he could buy phone time. Total we would put is about 15.00 per week.

Cardinalfan

My boyfriend is in a Federal Prison for drug charges. I send him money (it's his money that he trusted me with when he left) He buys tuna, extra socks, phone time etc. They can also get a job. He works in the landscaping at the camp he is in and makes $50 per month which averages to 12 cents an hour. It gives him something to pass the time and gives him a reason to get out of bed. I am not allowed to send him stamps in the mail, they will return them. (Prisoner's use stamps as currency within the institution for trades for hair cuts etc.) but she has to buy them at the commisary. It's your call whether you want to send money or not.

EJG123

I have not put money on my AD's books but I do use JPay to email to her in prison. She can respond to my emails via JPay at no cost to her.

OwlFeathers

Thank you everyone who replied. She actually was bailed out by a friend, and called me today. She still has to go to court and is facing jail time. But at least she is scared and looking at rehab options. I don't have money to send her in, she would have to go through a program like one through Salvation Army, and I don't know if she will or not. Just taking it one day at a time.

Ilovemysonjj

I have heard that the Salvation Army's program is very good and if the person wants help, there are many resources within the SA to help them.

MsPINKAcres

just wanted to stop by & send you and your AD a good thought & prayer for peace, healing and recovery ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

(from a mom who has a daughter who is in jail for the 5th or 6th time - well the last I heard she was there - only her & her HP knows)

totfit

My personal opinion is whether or not you put a little money in her account, she IS suffering consequences. I know tough love, blah, blah, blah, but the other side is possibly just a little money and she will know you still care. Your not supporting her bad habits. She is not getting over on anybody or anything. There is not a lot she can get with the money to "comfort" her or make her stay comfortable at all. She will at least know you are still connected. That is my opinion and I am sticking to it.

outtolunch

It's common enough to trade favors and cash for drugs in any prison.

Carol Star

I sent my XAH $ because he was starving and bought crackers and snacks.......and for stamps and paper and envelopes and t-shirts......