Recovery in fits and spurts
Grateful to be free
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Recovery in fits and spurts
I have been feeling very discouraged, over situations in my life, my responses to them, and my recovery.
I have been in active recovery for about two and one half years. That is when I first truly faced the fact that I am an addict and addressed it full on.
And today, even in the midst of tremendous inner turmoil, and erratic attention to my recovery program, I can still see progress. Recovery is not linear, not a train we get on one day that makes specific scheduled stops and reaches a specific destination at a certain time.
We have had snow here lately and walking to work and looking at the animal tracks made me think, that recovery is more like a coyote, wandering about. It may have a destination in mind, but if something comes up along the way, it addresses it. There are places where the tracks go along in a straight line at an even pace, other places where they wander off to follow a scent trail, stops to take a dump, places where they double back, slow down, stop, then pick up again, places where they run.
That is more like my experience of recovery. Sometimes I make headway in one area while falling back in another. I get distracted or need to stop and take a dump. But that doesn't mean I am not on track and getting someplace.
I mean things are really a mess for me now, and I think...ah, there is NO hope, if I am feeling like this AGAIN. But the truth is, sitting her looking back over the past couple years, I have learned some things, my behavior has changed, and when I slip back, I notice, I may not always jump right back on track, but I am able to see some deeper truth about choices I make, I am more aware.
I wanted to post this here so other people, who may be newer to this game than I am, don't let the fact that things don't chug along evenly to the desired destination, discourage them.
I am posting this because I need to acknowledge that even though I feel like I am stuck in the same place, mired in the same rut, there are changes. There is progress.
I have been in active recovery for about two and one half years. That is when I first truly faced the fact that I am an addict and addressed it full on.
And today, even in the midst of tremendous inner turmoil, and erratic attention to my recovery program, I can still see progress. Recovery is not linear, not a train we get on one day that makes specific scheduled stops and reaches a specific destination at a certain time.
We have had snow here lately and walking to work and looking at the animal tracks made me think, that recovery is more like a coyote, wandering about. It may have a destination in mind, but if something comes up along the way, it addresses it. There are places where the tracks go along in a straight line at an even pace, other places where they wander off to follow a scent trail, stops to take a dump, places where they double back, slow down, stop, then pick up again, places where they run.
That is more like my experience of recovery. Sometimes I make headway in one area while falling back in another. I get distracted or need to stop and take a dump. But that doesn't mean I am not on track and getting someplace.
I mean things are really a mess for me now, and I think...ah, there is NO hope, if I am feeling like this AGAIN. But the truth is, sitting her looking back over the past couple years, I have learned some things, my behavior has changed, and when I slip back, I notice, I may not always jump right back on track, but I am able to see some deeper truth about choices I make, I am more aware.
I wanted to post this here so other people, who may be newer to this game than I am, don't let the fact that things don't chug along evenly to the desired destination, discourage them.
I am posting this because I need to acknowledge that even though I feel like I am stuck in the same place, mired in the same rut, there are changes. There is progress.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
It's easy to become discouraged sometimes I think - but you're right Threshold...
I think in most cases there is progress to be seen even if it's not as much as we'd like or it doesn't look the way we imagined it might
I dunno about other people here...but this cartoon really speaks me of how it's been for me to get to where I am:
The straight line after the jumble is probably about the time I joined SR lol
D
I think in most cases there is progress to be seen even if it's not as much as we'd like or it doesn't look the way we imagined it might
I dunno about other people here...but this cartoon really speaks me of how it's been for me to get to where I am:
The straight line after the jumble is probably about the time I joined SR lol
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
