Dominica2

Ok....

I was wondering if anyone in early recovery experienced "intimacy" issues. Like no desire, whatsoever. I am never like this and I am seriously starting to freak out. I know this is personal, but is this part of early recovery? I feel terrible for it, but at the same time, I am not going to force myself in the sack. Any input would be greatfully appreciated. Thanks.

Saliena

Hey Dominica -- For me my husband is Latin and tequila played a LARGE part of the intense relationship we had in the first part of our marriage. But, as I started to get sober I went on an anti - depressant and my sex drive tanked. I talked to my doctor and she said between hormon levels and your body's adjustment it will take some time to find the grove again.

Suggestions from friends was try new things... experiment... and well that opened awhole new level of intensity between me and my husband which has never been better.

My suggestion be gentle on yourself... your mind and your body are adjusting to being sober. Give yourself sometime to heal and you will be your biggest driving force when the time is right.

Saliena

SSIL75

This was complicated for me by a difficult pregnancy but certainly it has taken a lot of time for intimacy to return. I almost wrote 'return to normal' but really there was no normal while I was drinking. So we had to create it from scratch.

My husband is wonderful and patient, thankfully.

Dominica2

My issue is that I feel inadequate in that area lately, I wont get into details, but its been difficult, and quite honestly, I feel like ****. I hope that it does not take too long to get over because it is driving me insane.

tanja

I know from reading Eric Clapton's autobiography that he experienced the very same thing. I think it is pretty commonplace in early recovery.

tanja

Dom, be gentle with yourself - don't you think it's about time? Don't let this be a trigger for you. I certainly don't feel that I'm good in the sack, but I am not going to drink over it

Ranger

Dom - Consider that naked and sober is a higher plain of intimacy than naked and loaded. That can be pretty scary...so please be gentle with yourself.

SSIL75

yes - this is exactly my experience. Crying during sex is a turn off but it's what happened the first few times I pushed myself through it (not crying upset.. just crying emotional). Finally FEELING things has been an amazing experience.

the good thing is I no longer 'disappear' mentally in bed. I used to just go... somewhere. Hide behind a fantasy or something. But now I am truly present. What can I say. I'm a crier And did I mention my patient husband?

ttbp

I'm five months sober and still struggling with this. I'm so glad someone has posted about it. I think it's down to the fact that I was ALWAYS drunk so sober sex is a new thing to me.

foodie1

Thanks so much for posting this, I'm going through the same thing and was too shy to post about it but it's a real problem. My husband is very patient and understanding, thankfully, but I feel like I'm a bad wife! I've got some other past abuse issues clouding the water as well and it's just been a real nightmare trying to be intimate. Everyone's encouraging posts are so helpful, looks like there's a light at the end of this tunnel

switchboard

Give yourself time. In the meantime, communication is important, so that he can understand. Maybe concentrate on snuggling and just being close emotionally for awhile. I don't know if/how alcohol and hormones go together, but I definitely felt affected on that level too. (And, not to sound crude at all, but if you're not into the "making love" part of things right now, there are always quickie alternatives that might tide him over for awhile, and not be too heavy for you to try to get yourself into .. if you get my drift.)

Dominica2

I know, I am starting to think I hate sex while I am sober. Its just soo weird. Maybe This is just something that will pass (I HOPE) because I dont want to force myself through it. It almost makes me want to drink so I can loosen up around my husband and that is really sad. I hope this doesnt effect too much. Im already going nuts over it. Maybe there is some sort of fear of being cheated on as well. My husband has been patient, but you know, there is still doubt about everything. Thanks for listening y'all. I am glad I am not alone.

ttbp

Ditto! I have major trust issues that I'm working on in recovery anyway and this doesn't help. My husband has been patient too but I guess I feel like there's only so long he's going to wait

I have been open and honest with him about how I feel, I guess that's all I can continue doing.

Dominica2

It really is like the expression, Its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Eliasson

So glad you posted about this! I'm 3 months sober and am still having issues. I just am terrified of sober sex and have no interest. I also realize that this fear is part of what pushed me back to the bottle many times. I'm trusting that like everything else, this will get better with time. I bet it will for you, too!

neferkamichael

For the time being focus on sobriety. You are still a "youngster" and have many, many years of intimacy ahead of you. I was an alcoholic/addict for 42 years. Today I am 1 year 4months 1 day sober and 60 days of crack. Although I'm on an emotional roller-coaster not all the feelings I have are bad. You'll be fine, have a good day.

soberred

I am glad someone posted this as well. I have absolutely no drive right now. At first I thought it was the antidepressants so I went off of them. After 1 month of being off of them, its actually getting worse. I had planned on seeing my female dr about it. Thank you for posting this.

Dominica2

I am just happy I am not the only one. I didnt see any posts about this at all when I did a search. :o)

camedown

My sex drive tanked to absolute zero for my first two months. It was kind of a relief for me though, I am single and it was one less voice in my head screaming for attention during a difficult time. It came back though, and unfortunatly, I am still single.

camedown

SSIL75

Dominica you are so newly sober. If it helps to tell your husband you're taking 'off' for x number of weeks/months then do it. It's seriously the LAST thing you should be worrying about now. Your sobriety needs all your energy.

I'm not saying it's not a problem. I'm saying it's a normal part of a healthy recovery. It makes me worry to hear you say that it's making you want to drink.