OhBoy

My AW's drinking is really starting to get out of control & I'm at a loss how to talk to her about it. Every time I try she closes down & only gives me 2 word answers. I know she is just waiting for me to run out of things to say so the conversation will be over & she doesn't have to deal with it. She admits (to me) she has a problem but has never tried to help herself. I know she has to find her bottom. I wish I could leave but unfortunately I won't be in a position to leave for a while. We don't ever really fight & things aren't generally bad but it wears my soul watching the disease progress.
My mind keeps telling me to get her to cut down but I know that is just for my own selfish reasons. I know even if she does slow down it's only a matter of time before she's back full go. Does it make it easier though? I have never been a controlling person & hate the idea of being the "alcohol meter maid" but I hate seeing the empty bottles pile up. I fear she would just "hide" it even more from me & that drives me up the f$#@in wall! I'm not going to be her babysitter. We haven't been down the "cutting down road" yet. I haven't even tried it with her because I know it's not the answer. I've been down that road with my AF. I sometimes feel that maybe I should or should have tried it with her but I feel it is pointless. I feel guilty because I haven't exhausted all attempts no matter how futile I know they are like I did with my dad. But it's the same road isn't it? I don't like the scenery anyway so why go down it. I guess I should have not been so blind early on & maybe things would be different but I guess if I played the lottery yesterday I could have won that also. In the end my AF stayed sober for 25 years all the way till he passed so I know there is always hope, I just can't be 12 years old again making deals with an A.
I hate this disease. I hate dealing with it. I hate knowing the decision I'm going to have to make when the time comes.
Thanks for letting me share.

TeM

I can totally relate. My AW isn't abusive when she drinks, but she's prone to falling, and has broken her ankle while drunk. I figure it's only a matter of time until she falls and breaks a hip, or falls on the dog and cripples or kills him.

My daughter and I have tried ignoring her, confronting her, threatening her, shaming her... none of it works for more than a few weeks. The bottom line is that she will not admit that she has a problem, even after breaking her ankle. Whenever she has agreed to quit in the past, it's always been grudgingly, like a kid being forced to clean her room.

The most helpful words I've seen on this forum are, "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it." Keeping that in mind helps me with whatever guilt I may be feeling, if nothing else.

I, too, have been putting off that difficult decision. I keep telling myself that I'll leave after our daughter moves out, but I still may not have the courage.

Good luck, and keep sharing.

Cyranoak

From one dude with an AW to another, I'll share with you four things.

Number one- her drinking isnt' starting to get out of control. It is out of control and has been for a long time.
Number two- you didn't cause her drinking, you can't control it, and you can't cure it (but you can contribute to it).
Number three- Alanon will teach you how to best handle this situation. It won't happen as fast as you want it to, but it will happen if you keep an open mind and go to at least six meetings (some different if possible).
Number four- most of what you've done up until now has had value in only one way- it taught you what doesn't work. Accept that, accept that you cannot save her (as cliche as it sounds the only person that can save her, if anybody, is her), and save yourself before it's too late (see number 3).

Good luck my friend. Been all those places. Done all those things. Got all the same results.

Cyranoak