ventura47

This is my second round in two months. Last I made it to ten days. I don't have much trouble, except the DT's, the first week. Last time boredom was the ticket out. As I said before, I'm doing it different this time. But yesterday my live in BF, who is 62, a bit older than me, and is looking at his mortality, really let me know what a number I did on him this last relapse. It only lasted 20 days or so but I went all out.

He is not feeling well this week and I know the stress I put on him is to partly to blame. Last night I said something that he perceived to be selfish and let me know it, getting pretty upset with me. Today I feel like **** about it. But I cant help being selfish, I know no other way after drinking for so many years.

Tomorrow I have to go see my mother, whom I had quite the blow out with during this last hurrah. I asked her for money to help me get by. She has been in AA for 12 years and knows how an alcoholic thinks. I resist AA because of her. But I'm changing all that with my new program. So I'm feeling bad about my bf and anxious about seeing my mother tomorrow.. I don't corner very well, my brain shuts down. Really it just goes blank and I really freak out. I don't want to spend the day with her talking about my recovery.

I'm trying to get back on Zolhof. It helps me with my PMS and Anxiety but I have not heard back from my pharmacy yet. I know I wont drink but dealing with these feelings are tuff. I'm going to be alone today, I don't work. So Boredom will join the later two.

InParticular

You're not planning on sitting around the house are you? That's a sure recipe for disaster. Why don't you treat yourself to a nice day out? Boredom is a big trigger for me too. As hard as it may be to do I think it is really important to not let yourself get to that state of boredom and craving. Just don't go there.