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just out of rehab

Old 11-07-2011, 08:49 PM
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just out of rehab

hello - been awhile since i have posted.. Just got out of rehab and have now been clean 36 days.. second day at home and am feeling real down, the reality that I cannot drink is depressing me.. funny, when I was in rehab, I was not all stressed about life,job,lack of significant other.. now I feel like I have nothing.. but, I know I do.. My mind is just playing tricks on me. but, lonely as hell right now. Have been going to meetings consistently and have a sponsor, from before. ughh. I realize that I have a opportunity to start all over - but it hurts.. so much work ahead.. thanks for reading.
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:11 PM
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Hang in there. If you've just come from rehab you have a really good handle on why you need to do this. Take care. Call your sponsor if you are lonely. Maybe you can get to coffee...
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:15 PM
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Welcome back Pete
Have you got numbers to call or meetings to go to? Try and nip that mental tomfoolery in the bud.

I found staying in the day as much as I could helped me not freak out as much in those early days too - not drinking today is a reasonable highly achievable goal - you already have 36 of those down

D
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:16 PM
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Congrats on 36 days! I come here when Im lonely and it really helps
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:37 PM
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yea, congrats on 36 days, that's longer than me. I have 33 days. It's strange how sometimes I know I should be happy about being sober, but I am miserable about how things are in my life right now. When I get that way I know it's because I am not caring about myself enough, but more about how others might view me.

Because when I view my situation from my best interest then I am encouraged because all of those prejudice against me are really opportunities for me to do what I really want in life. I used to be so vigilant in my insistence that drinking was how I got to do what I wanted. Now I am vigilant in my insistance that being sober is how I get what I want. Since I am not stuck working for "the man" I get to work in my own business for myself. Since I am not stuck with all those other friends that don't like me anymore I get to make new friends that don't have anything against me.

I wish they focused more on what to do when you get out of treatment while in treatment. Then you would know what to do better right now. I am sure that you gotta be a friend to yourself right now. Be good to yourself from now on, okay? Drinking isn't being good to yourself. If you drink or use it's like self mutilation. It's like if you start cutting yourself just to get off on the natural pain killers your body will produce.

Last edited by cuyootoo; 11-07-2011 at 09:42 PM. Reason: wording
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:40 PM
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Nice to *meet* you Pete!

I think what you're going through is absolutely normal - and that's a good thing!

I have a friend that just phoned me from his first day in rehab today. He too is justifiably concerned about the same things as you.

I shared with him what I've seen many others did - consider a clean and sober house/oxford house.

Staying sober requires we be 100% honest with ourselves.

I believe that I must go to any length to save my sobriety or I will lose everything I have and could have. If I weren't married with a family I would have jumped at the chance to go to a clean living house. Heck, I even considered doing it after gettin out of rehab.

The transformation I've seen on some of the guys that have made that choice is amazing. It's not a permanent thing, but it sure helps the weak get their strength.

Also - don't future trip! You only need to make the decision to not drink today since no one knows about tomorrow.

I'm very lucky that I haven't had to drink for quite a few 24 hours now and I know you can do it too.

Hit a meeting, call some numbers, find a temporary sponsor. Be active and involved in your recovery.

My best to a fellow "Pete."
(St. Peters is the name of the place I went to rehab)
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Petewill View Post
hello - been awhile since i have posted.. Just got out of rehab and have now been clean 36 days.. second day at home and am feeling real down, the reality that I cannot drink is depressing me.. funny, when I was in rehab, I was not all stressed about life,job,lack of significant other.. now I feel like I have nothing.. but, I know I do.. My mind is just playing tricks on me. but, lonely as hell right now. Have been going to meetings consistently and have a sponsor, from before. ughh. I realize that I have a opportunity to start all over - but it hurts.. so much work ahead.. thanks for reading.
Originally Posted by Petewill View Post
Thanks for responses.. No, I have been in the program of NA and have worked the steps before, so i really do need to get going on the steps again. By feeling like crap, I meant emotionally.. I mean a little earlier, all i could think about was using again. It's like I just don't want to go through the pain of staying sober.. very lame, i know. I want the escape and not the loneliness sobriety brings.. I was miserable when I had 18 months last time and working the steps. so, I am a little worried about the results i will have this time around, but we all know what happens eventually when we do use again, it just gets worse.. basically, there is no way out, either way.. just stating how I really feel about it right now.. sucks..
Hi Pete,

I find looking at some of my old posts helps me to see where I was & if there are any patterns that I had that could have contributed to a relapse. I have copied & pasted one of your posts from April of last year when you were at the same amount of time you are now (33 days). I think there are some similarities in how you are feeling as you had last time around.

Its tough coming back into reality after we have been heavily involved in our addiction & masking all of our feelings, reality & not dealing with the past or knowing how to actually live sober in the present.

It will all come together if you give it some time. Pick up some of the old hobbies that you used to like to do, try something new & healthy. There are a lot of things to do sober... more than there are for people who are high or drunk ;-)

I know you can make it stick this time & live a happy sober life but its going to take a lot of work & effort to get the momentum shift going in your new path of recovery.

Stay close & connected to SR, we are here to help each other & listen. Try to post every day whether its for you or to help another new comer.

Take care & all of the best in your recovery

Cheers ~ NB
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Old 11-08-2011, 04:12 AM
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Thanks to everyone for responding to me, it sure helps.. .. Dee, yeah I have numbers but, could probably use more. lol..I have a variety of meetings to go too, i will go to a different one tonite.. I have my old sponsor from before, as well..
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Old 11-08-2011, 04:19 AM
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After your stay in rehab you have a great start on staying sober. Keep going to meetings and follow your rehab discharge instructions. Hang out on SR and don't let alcohol back into your life.
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Old 11-08-2011, 04:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Petewill View Post
the reality that I cannot drink is depressing me..
It only seems depressing because you're an alcoholic. In time your thinking will change. You'll have things to live for that are totally incompatible with your alcoholism and choosing between the two won't even be a consideration.
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Old 11-08-2011, 05:29 AM
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I know this sounds crazy and I am very new at this not drinking stuff but for now I have found a good move will at least take my mind off of things for a bit and gives me something else to think about.

I'll keep you in my thoughts
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Old 11-08-2011, 06:00 AM
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The reality that I cannot drink is depressing me.
What is depressing about giving up
  • headaches
  • hangovers
  • lethargy
  • the beer gut
  • bad breath
  • the arguments
  • the violence
  • being overemotional
  • regret of doing things you can't remember
  • procrastination
  • the taxis
  • the guilt
  • the lies
  • the deceit
  • wasted time and money
  • destruction of self esteem
  • the daily mental and physical slavery of being a drug addict
  • suffering from a horrible and progressive condition

If you believe this, what power on earth could possibly make you take a drink?
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Old 11-08-2011, 06:02 AM
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"This too shall pass." It is always hard for me to remember that when I'm hurting and uncertain. But it really is the truth, no matter how hard it is to believe at the moment - and the truth is what I'm after. It's requires such a leap at first to truly believe that there is a new life out there for us. We're riddled with feelings of resistance and even unworthiness. Connecting to this site, identifying with others who have been exactly where you are, is what ignites the miracle of recovery. We all have an internal vision of who and what we can be, but it's buried beneath the surface-level thoughts - the same thoughts and mind that caused our addcition in the first place. Our addicted minds go into overdrive in early recovery - pushing us back into our old pain with the same old lies. Tapping into other people, into a program that guides us through the initial pain, is so crucial. But it requires surrender and often seems counterintuitive. I know that when I listen only to my own thoughts, when I wrestle with recovery on my own, it is overwhelming and insidious. Ultimately, the example I see in other people is what helps me to have faith, and opens the door for me to find myself. If I practice acceptance and try not to judge others, but to see the positive, powerful example of recovery they offer me, it breaks down the walls I've put up and hleps me believe that I can have it too.
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Old 11-08-2011, 06:15 AM
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Good Morning Pete, I also just got out of rehab. I was there for 6.5 months. Yes, it is very hard because before we were kept safe from our addictions. Now we must take what we learned in rehab and apply it to our daily living. Hang in there. Keep in contact with your sponsor, go to meetings, and remember to eat.
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Old 11-08-2011, 06:32 AM
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Peter, I'm sure that it's hard transitioning from rehab to normal everyday life. Try to be patient with yourself and know that things will get easier.
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Old 11-08-2011, 08:25 AM
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Hey Pete ---

Congrats on.............37 days today. You've gotten a lot of great suggestions so far; I just have one question and one (two?) suggestion(s); I hope I don't repeat anything from others...........

You say you're going to meetings; you've got some phone numbers; and you've got your sponsor from before.........

So, first the question; have you called/been calling your sponsor........?

This suggestion is one my sponsor gave to me; a pretty good one for early recovery, as I recall.....This is sort of a two-part suggestion (re: getting and using phone numgers........:

1) Get at least two new phone numbers at each meeting you attend; and

2) Call at least three people daily.....and you must have a conversation with each person; not counting messages left with roommates, spouses, S/O's, other relatives and/or in-laws, etc., or any messages left on voicemail/answering machines. Now, I know holding a conversation with a virtual stranger can be intimidating, but these conversations can be very short; heck, when a person answers, you could just say, "Hey, this is Pete, and this is one of my AA calls for today," and then you could hang-up. See......? easy......


(o:
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:02 AM
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You are amazing - remember to tell yourself that. Also keep in mind how hard it's been up to now. If there were a next time it would be much harder. Would you really want to go through that again?

I did a rehab a little over a year ago - eventually made a bad choice and am now looking into going back for a "refresher". Wish I had made the decision sooner. I am not looking fondly at early recovery and would love to have 36+ days sober. It's way easier to stay quited than to quit again. Hold Fast.
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:35 AM
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Hi Pete, keep reading and posting. You'll be in my thoughts.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:07 AM
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I really appreciate all of you guy's support... I am trying real hard - get a few more numbers, have first meeting with therapist tomorrow. feeling down the last 24 hours, just feeling sorry for myself.. i know this sounds lame, again really lonely and not looking forward to holidays.. i just feel less than.. felt alone in meetings too.. messed up..
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Petewill View Post
I really appreciate all of you guy's support... I am trying real hard - get a few more numbers, have first meeting with therapist tomorrow. feeling down the last 24 hours, just feeling sorry for myself.. i know this sounds lame, again really lonely and not looking forward to holidays.. i just feel less than.. felt alone in meetings too.. messed up..
It you do it right you'll find yourself far less lonely than you ever were drinking. You'll enjoy the holidays more (maybe not this year, but in future years).

This is a difficult time. Most of us when we quit find ourselves woefully ill-equipped for real life. Pisspoor coping skills etc. It's OK. You'll learn healthy, productive ways to enjoy your life and wonder wtf you were doing drinking yourself to death.

Don't panic. When I subtracted alcohol from my life there wasn't much left. THAT IS DEPRESSING. But backfilling that void with great, real things has been awesome. And I know I'm not alone in that experience.
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