EDHARLEY

Well I have been gone for a while and yes i fell off the wagon. It started with some personal issues - ex came back into my life.. That is really no excuse. I have only drank 4 times in the last 2 weeks and am stopping again. I know what I did wrong, I know what I am up against to fix it.. I was not on a bender like this summer but the anxiety is still super strong.. I mean so strong.. Is this normal? Will I get extreme anxiety every time I drink. I didnt really do anything crazy at all. i feel like I am coming off of a drug bender. Everything has changed I cannot enjoy a drink like I used to.. Not even one.. I dont know why. Is it just that I am aware or that I now care? I could get smashed every night and not feel like this.
The only time I would feel like this in the past is if I spent a ton of money or did drugs.. Just trying to understand.

eJoshua

Welcome back Ed.

Maybe the anxiety is worse because your sobriety has become more important to you, so losing it for a time feels worse. Not sure. I know if I were to relapse I would probably feel terrible guilt.

Is the ex still around or has she gone again?

EDHARLEY

And dropping a bomb on me

whenartdeparts

This is your brain trying to tell you to quit drinking. Like...forever.

Dee74

I've heard it said a taste of recovery really kills your buzz...I pretty much drank til I stopped so I'm not sure about that - but I do know I lost any enjoyment from drinking a long time before I quit.

I think I'd probably be pretty anxious if I started drinking again, knowing what I know about not drinking now

I'm glad you're back Ed
D

NewBeginning010

I found the realization that I cannot ever have another drink quite a relief once I truly embraced it. The anxiety of the day after hangovers & the anxiety of all of the bad things drinking caused me & others around me was just not worth the price for a buzz off of alcohol.

I now know that I cannot have one drink ever again for the rest of my life & pray that I will never question that resolve. Life is so much better in every way.

Stay close to SR & keep on posting... you can beat this thing by following one simple instruction. Just for today I will not pick up a drink = a lifetime of sobriety.

Take care & keep us updated.

Cheers ~ NB

soberwingz

Hey ED, welcome back, and thanks for sharing.

Just curious, but did you drink cuz you were anxious or did the drinking create the anxiety? Im new to being sober and just trying to learn from your experience.

Any solid plans in dealing with things going forward?

Keep posting and once again, welcome back!

debsam

Ed, sorry you're going through this - I can really relate to the anxiety - my anxiety when I replapsed was off the charts - I felt like I was loosing my mind - but you know that it will settle down.

I keep that feeling you are experiencing right now closeby as a reminder that I NEVER/CAN'T feel like that again....your post re-enforced that for me.

least

During my failed bouts of sobriety, every time I relapsed the w/d got worse. The anxiety was horrible! For me, the anxiety was the worst part cause I couldn't even sit still for two minutes. I would pace and shake and feel like I was coming unglued. And it didn't matter how much or how long I relapsed for - the w/d were just earth shaking.