January28

I am new to all of this and I have some questions that I'm hoping people can give me their experience or knowledge on.

1) When someone is recovering, does sobriety get easier and easier? I quit smoking 13 years ago, and at first it was practically min by min, and then day by day, and then week by week etc. Now, I may occasionally think of a cigarette and a very fleeting desire will creep in, but it's gone as quick as it comes and I have no fear at all that I will EVER go back to smoking. Does sobriety work that way?

2) If I went back to smoking for a week, and then had to quit again, I know it would not be near the same struggle as the first time around. Again, does sobriety work that way? If someone did drink again, after maybe five years of sobriety, and they drank for maybe a week or two, and then went straight back to trying to live a sober life, would it be easier to get back to that sober life again, or is it just as hard as the first day you ever went to your first meeting type thing?

3) If someone, who's only been in recovery for 9 months, says they are not bothered by others drinking in front of them, and that they really don't fight a desire to drink (but still very, very active in AA meetings and retreats), can that be a true statement, or should I be suspect of that?

4) If they truly don't have a problem being around someone drinking beer and truly don't have an overwhelming desire to drink themselves, is that a good sign?

5) This same person also used cocaine, and says that the cocaine use is the direct result of the alcoholism and that his problem is alcohol. If he's not drinking, he has no desire to use cocaine. I guess being drunk, made him make the other very poor decision to use coke too. Does that all make sense, or should I worry more about the cocaine addiction, the alcohol addiction or both equally?

Sorry for so many questions. I hope I wasn't suppose to post five different times. I'm just trying to help my daughter understand a few things since she is in a serious relationship with a recovering alcoholic/drug user. Thanks for any insight.

Impurrfect

(((January))) - I'm an RA and a recovering codie. Been in recovery for over 4-1/2 years. My DOC (drug of choice) was crack.

Does sobriety get easier? Well, the thoughts still come up of "wow, I wish I could just get numb", but they are rare and quickly shot down by my recovering brain.

I think you're looking for reassurance that he's going to STAY in recovery..from the way he sounds, from your other post, it seems like he is working his recovery.

However, there are no guarantees. You can read of stories where people relapse after 10 or 20 years, just as you can read stories of people who are celebrating the same number of years in recovery.

There are just as many stories of couples being married for 15 years, and the spouse didn't START drinking until then and became an alcoholic. I didn't spiral down into my addiction until I was near 40.

You and your daughter can educate yourself on alcoholism and recovery, be aware of what CAN happen (relapse or continued recovery) but as far as a guarantee? It's just not going to happen. We A's make a decision, every day - work our recovery, throw it away.

I can honestly say, it's not even a conscious decision for me, any more. I have no intention of ever going back to where I was, yet I am still only one bad decision away and I know that. We are never "cured" but we can, most definitely, live a life of recovery.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

January28

Impurrfect. I know in my heart that you are right. I just desperately wish someone could tell me he'll stay sober, and I am grasping at straws in order to try and get that comfort. Obviously, intellectually I know no one can give me that guarantee. However, you answered my questions with answers that do help somewhat. I have a son-in-law who's father is an alcoholic, and it seems as if alcoholism does run in the family, so I worry that my son-in-law will also become and alcoholic, and I also know that just because he isn't now, doesn't make it a guarantee he won't be later. I THOUGHT that was a worry! Now my youngest is wanting to marry into an even scarier situation. I have just seen the damage this can do to relationships, especially the children. What a cruel disease. No one ever wants to hurt their children, yet the pull of the drink or drug is just so beyond ones control, sometimes. I miss the good ole days when they were small and I could their little problems. Now, I can't protect them because they are adults and must make their own way in this world, but a parent sure wishes they could stop a child from making a big mistake. I think if he were into his sobriety for a longer period of time, I'd feel a little less worried. In any case, thank you for your candor and your insight. I'm so happy to hear you are doing well with your clean lifestyle.