kykat

I just recently left my alcoholic boyfriend after dealing with riding an emotional roller coaster for almost 2 years. I have dealt with anxiety issues of my own in the past and knew this man for 4 years before I started dating him. He was a pretty good functioning alcholic for quite some time. He had been through a divorce and I had lost my past boyfriend in his battle of cancer. I really thought we could help each other and in some ways I guess we did. Things were going well for several months and then the drinking started surfacing more frequently. Looking back, I think he just wasn't able to hide it as well since were spending so much time together. His verbal abuse and neglect and shutting me out were not easy to deal with. I have been pretty successful if most of my life prior to him. I have raised 3 fine young men myself for the last 12 years, have a good job, a house and many friends. I feel like I have been so stupid to believe his lies. He blames everyone but himself for anything that has happened in his life. I tried to get him to go to AA and have gone myself and to Al-anon just to make some peace for myself. I finally realized that my friends and my sons were losing alot of respect for me as the strong woman they had always known and I was losing my own self respect AND questioning my sanity. I finally broke it off with him and said I can't do this anymore, because you need help and of course his response was that is what I was supposed to do. I said, it is way more than either of us can deal with. I joined this site to hopefully get back to me and some inner peace. I knew as long as I was with him, I was enabling him to keep living a lie for me and for himself. I feel sad and lost at the moment. Some days are better than others. Today has been a horrible day for me, then I get mad at myself, thinking I care more about him than he cares about himself.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I am sorry for the heartache that brought you here, however. Living with an alcoholic is chaotic, dramatic and crazy-making every day. I tried it for 14 years.

There is life after all the confusion, manipulation and unacceptable behavior. It takes time and patience, with yourself, as you recover.

We understand and are here to support you along the way.

Part of what I experienced during the final phase of my relationship with my A and following the ending of the relationship was grieving. We experience grieving even without a physical death. There was a type of death: death of my relationship, death of my desires to make it work with him, death of the fantasy that I could make him/and the relationship better, and death of my fantasy that I had power to fix him.

I learned about the stages of grief through research and at this site. One of the books that helped me as a quick reference was "Codependent No More". There is a chapter devoted to the stages of grief. I liked the user friendly language and personal experience shared by the author.

I also found support at local alanon meetings (even though I was no longer with the alcoholic).

Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

kykat

Thank you Pelican for your support. I have come to realize I am certainly not alone in this journey. I have read the book Co-dependent Know More and it is a wonderful book. I feel helpless and in many ways I am. I, like you, thought I would be the person that he would love enough to stop and that I could "fix" him. I am learning that I can only change one person and that person is me. I know I need to let go and let God. I will continue to pray for his healing and I have forgiven him for all the things he has said and promised. It is a comfort already to know there are so many people that really do care.

dollydo

Time...give yourself Time....be patient...this too will pass.