PhaseOne

Hey all,

I posted here in September, said I was going to get sober, and I just can't get over the 4-5 day hump. Something in my brain just triggers and tells me it's okay and that I don't have a problem. Lately, I've been so bad that I have been missing work, but what made me really hit a brick wall today is that I stole my father's whiskey. He found out earlier today, told my mother, hasn't said a thing to me. I've been doing nothing but hiding in my room for the majority of two days, just cause I don't know how to confront him.... He is one of those people that just doesn't understand that I have a demon inside of me... I just lose control. If I know any type of drink is there, I will go for it. My whole family has accepted the fact that I am where I am, and has been nothing short of accepting and caring. They all want to support me as much as possible, but I just have this on going guilt with my father I just can't get a hold of. I'm really at the point where I have so many people telling me its okay to open up to him, I just can't do it right now. I'm sure this has a lot more to do then with just drinking, but everytime I want to talk to him is when I'm not sober. I feel like it's the only reason why I ever let how I feel really come out... Not sure where to go from here.

Just needed to vent, thanks for listening

Dee74

I think most people have a cycle. Mine was about 3 days from 'I'm dying' to 'I'm overeacting'

Obviously you're not overreacting - I don't think it's normal at all to steal whisky, miss work, or hide in your room.

It's a definite problem when we keep doing something that causes so many other problems.

I found posting here daily really helped me get past the idea that I didn't have a problem.

I found it really hard to still believe that when you're reading others stories and posting about your own.

Real life support like AA or SMART might help that too.
Have you tried any of that kind of thing in the past PhaseOne?

D

PhaseOne

I used this site for about a week and then went into my own little world thinking I was healed and everything was okay, obviously that's not the case. I went to an AA meeting in my town, and I just wasn't into it at all. Most of the people in the meeting were married, kids, and they were very into looking to god for help. I'm not that type of person, I just feel like I need some other way to get out of the hole I've dug myself into. I know there are plenty of people who have gotten sober without AA on this site... I just need to figure out how to get on that path. I have nothing against AA at all, it's just not for me. I've always been a strong believer in admitting you have a problem is the first step... and I admitted it, then just argue with myself over and over that I really don't have an issue.

I wish I had more to say, but I am at such a loss for words right now... that's honestly what brought me here

Dee74

A lot of us haven't used AA for our recovery.
If you feel it's not for you, there's many other alternatives around...here's a start

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I think the key is if you want change, you have to make change, PhaseOne

D

PhaseOne

Thank you Dee, I will check it out

least

I hope you can learn to stay sober past the three to four days mark. Sobriety has a lot to offer.

ttbp

Lots of support coming your way xx

instant

Keep practicing till you get it right. Funny how when you feel better the problem disappears.............until to you drink and there it is again. Learning that there is a cyclical nature to the way you think about the issue is a good start. On it's own recognising the cycle is not enough to stop it.

You might find reading about AVRT on Rational Recovery helpful in understanding the addictive thinking that draws you back in.

Keep posting and good luck