FB friends - opinions

Old 11-03-2011, 06:22 PM
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FB friends - opinions

This is a pretty small thing but I'm curious what others think.

AH went through a few of his wallowing days recently. He didn't drink/use but he did hole-up in the bedroom slept, watched TV and deleted all of his Facebook friends except for me, his sister, his parents and my parents. It concerned me just because I worry about his depression that he refuses to get treatment for but I didn't bother to say anything about it.

He approached me a couple of days later and asked me to delete several of his friends from my Facebook. I asked why and he said that he didn't see why they needed to be there because they aren't "really" my friends.

He's right in a way. I only know them through him and since we live several hours away from them I haven't gotten to know them all that well. I know them as well as several of my other FB friends though and one of them in particular has posts that often interest me and that I often comment on.

I don't think I should have to delete them just because he's decided to. If he were "unfriending" them because they were a temptation to drink or something like that I might comply but don't really see why I should in this case.

Discussion please.
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:24 PM
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Did you ask why he deleted all of his other friends?
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:37 PM
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I didn't ask. Just assumed it was an impulsive thing while he was busy sulking. He did mention the other day that he wished he hadn't done it.
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Old 11-03-2011, 07:11 PM
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I originally joined FB to be in closer contact with my Belgian Sheepdog friends and acquaintances (owners and breeders).

However, after about 6 months on FB I found I didn't care for it at all, and I closed my account.

With all the stories I now hear about FB I am glad I did.

I want no part of it.

J M H O

As to you have on your list as 'friends' is YOUR choice not his, I M H O. He is an A and their 'whims' change from day to day, we can never make them happy, and I stopped trying a long time ago.

Love and hugs,
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Old 11-03-2011, 07:16 PM
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You yourself said you don't know why he deleted them. So how could you assume that its not because of temptation to drink?
Obviously he has some problem with having them as friends to just delete them. Even if it was an impulse decision. It made him feel a certain way that he didn't like. Enough to do something about it, too.
I know for me, if I deleted my friends because reading their posts made me feel something I didnt want to, yet my bf still had them as friends, it would bother me (Depending on why I deleted them). If it were mutual friends, then hey, I'd have no say so. But if he met them through me, doesn't see them unless I'm there or because I take him, then please respect my feelings.
It'll feel like my bf is at a party with all my friends, and I'm home, sick.
I think what you should really be doing is asking your H whats going on. What's he feeling and why he wants to seperate himself from his friends. His answer might make it easier for you to understand why he's asking you to do this for him. You'll never know why or understand, until you communicate with him.
Best luck to you..
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Old 11-03-2011, 07:29 PM
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Ok..I missed the part where your H is still an AH.
I totally understand the "impulse" move now and why you would question if you should or not.
If he's still actively drinking, its just gonna be a matter of time before he throws it in your face that you didnt do this. He's gonna see it as disrespect and start arguements with you and even use it as an "excuse" to drink.

Sorry, I think I'm using too much of my experience to answer this.
It's how I would've reacted if I was in this situation and still drinking.
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Old 11-04-2011, 07:45 AM
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I have a fb with a few friends, my husband has a fb with a TON of friends so we use that social network. However, it amazes me how much fb has filtrated everything in the world it seems like. I joined fb to keep up with my kids. Anyway, my AH due to his addiction and the condition of his mind, will sometimes take down his profile, delete folks, add folks, make everything private etc. I guess what I am saying, is it happens. It's hard to know what is going through their minds. It takes a year or so from not doing certain drugs for their brains to get rewired to a more normal state. It used to really bother me but now I just roll my eyes. I don't know if that is the "recovery" response to the situation but it is where I am at right now.
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Old 11-04-2011, 11:09 AM
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It amazes me how "important" facebook has become in our society. My hubby and I have had this conversation more than once. Facebook is great to touch base with folks from HS or college that you have not seen in a thousand years but after the "hey how are you?" and the "I have x many of kids" etc., the contact usually ends. However you now have the satisfaction of knowing what some chick you knew 20+ years ago is having for dinner or what they are watching on TV. That's always a good thing. I don't hate FB and it can be a great tool and fun, but it's importance has been blown out of proportion. IMHO Maybe I am just to old...LOL
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Old 11-04-2011, 01:39 PM
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I am not on facebook (in my 30s and seems I am one of the few not on there! my mom often tries to get me to join!). So, I don't have a lot of insight into facebook, but I am never a fan of one partner ever trying to control another, so my inclincation is to say you can have whatever facebook friends that you want! Unless he specifically said for recovery reasons he was breaking contact and asking you to do the same, then I really do not see why he should control who your fb friends are!! Especially when there appears to be no reason and he is just being controlling.
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