Don't Make the Same Mistake I did! I've lost the Love of my life Now....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: U.K
Posts: 20
Don't Make the Same Mistake I did! I've lost the Love of my life Now....
Hi everyone,
I'm not exactly new here, I posted maybe 4 years ago a couple of times, when I knew I had a drink problem but found Naltrexone and vanished for a long while. I never actually introduced myself so forgive me!
So what has happened? I (was) in a 12yr relationship up until 6 weeks ago, we had everything a couple could need / want in many respects but also the unusual situation of a young couple (me 36/ 34 respectively) caring for my partners mum who has severely advanced Multiple Sclerosis. (She resides in a custom built annexe to our home.. well my old home) I was and remain so, her paid carer...
So the usual story of pressure and stress and co-dependency, living in a triangle, me coming last but putting them first blah blah... (long story)
We shared a wonderful family xmas last year, by February depression kicked in as I had got injured and could no longer work. Money / Debts / future an issue. Holiday in May which was lovely. Around this time we finally afford care cover for weekends (first time in 18months) to give us some freedom, June we start socialising and drinking out in town, I introduce my partner to an old 'friend' going through a relationship break up (her partner had an affair) and by July my Partner (who is also Female) is in a Full Blown affair with her.
Of course I didn't know this at the time (only found out on Sept 17th) So my gut instinct is driving me crazy around this time and I'm drinking more and getting angry and verbally abusing her.. this is used against me and voila! The affair continues after it is exposed and I am forced to leave my home as I cannot handle it.. It was getting too aggressive to stay. I have been in a new apartment for almost three weeks licking my wounds and reflecting my relationship and what has happened.
At the bottom of it all lays my 'drinking' and how I neglected my partner and had an affair with the drink.. I am almost getting 'payback' and getting a taste of what it feels like to be neglected, rejected, abused, taken for granted etc.. I am taking my punishment but it is hurting as you can probably appreciate. During the 5 weeks I remained in the house after the affair was discovered, I did not drink.. But I watched her sink a bottle of wine every night before work.. it saddened me but also reminded me that this is what I had been doing all these years..Since I have been on my own I have had the occasional drink but not to excess.
Next week i am attending my first AA meeting and I am here to become an active member and embrace my sobriety. I know I am an alcoholic, I use alcohol to relieve depression, frustration, to incite creativity, to relieve boredom,loneliness.. you name it.. and when pent up emotions come to boiling point Bang! thats when the aggressive and verbally abusive language happens.. Often on an empty stomach too! / hormones.
My father was an alcoholic and physically abused my mother, he died aged 46.
I am an ex cop and have seen much of life / death / all inbetween.
I would like to come back and be part of this community because my life is now at 'my rock bottom'
I wish I had done this years ago.. but then the love of my life didn't seem overly bothered and forgave my indiscretions.. You can only push someone so far..
Hope I've posted correctly & thankyou for reading!
Sarah
I'm not exactly new here, I posted maybe 4 years ago a couple of times, when I knew I had a drink problem but found Naltrexone and vanished for a long while. I never actually introduced myself so forgive me!
So what has happened? I (was) in a 12yr relationship up until 6 weeks ago, we had everything a couple could need / want in many respects but also the unusual situation of a young couple (me 36/ 34 respectively) caring for my partners mum who has severely advanced Multiple Sclerosis. (She resides in a custom built annexe to our home.. well my old home) I was and remain so, her paid carer...
So the usual story of pressure and stress and co-dependency, living in a triangle, me coming last but putting them first blah blah... (long story)
We shared a wonderful family xmas last year, by February depression kicked in as I had got injured and could no longer work. Money / Debts / future an issue. Holiday in May which was lovely. Around this time we finally afford care cover for weekends (first time in 18months) to give us some freedom, June we start socialising and drinking out in town, I introduce my partner to an old 'friend' going through a relationship break up (her partner had an affair) and by July my Partner (who is also Female) is in a Full Blown affair with her.
Of course I didn't know this at the time (only found out on Sept 17th) So my gut instinct is driving me crazy around this time and I'm drinking more and getting angry and verbally abusing her.. this is used against me and voila! The affair continues after it is exposed and I am forced to leave my home as I cannot handle it.. It was getting too aggressive to stay. I have been in a new apartment for almost three weeks licking my wounds and reflecting my relationship and what has happened.
At the bottom of it all lays my 'drinking' and how I neglected my partner and had an affair with the drink.. I am almost getting 'payback' and getting a taste of what it feels like to be neglected, rejected, abused, taken for granted etc.. I am taking my punishment but it is hurting as you can probably appreciate. During the 5 weeks I remained in the house after the affair was discovered, I did not drink.. But I watched her sink a bottle of wine every night before work.. it saddened me but also reminded me that this is what I had been doing all these years..Since I have been on my own I have had the occasional drink but not to excess.
Next week i am attending my first AA meeting and I am here to become an active member and embrace my sobriety. I know I am an alcoholic, I use alcohol to relieve depression, frustration, to incite creativity, to relieve boredom,loneliness.. you name it.. and when pent up emotions come to boiling point Bang! thats when the aggressive and verbally abusive language happens.. Often on an empty stomach too! / hormones.
My father was an alcoholic and physically abused my mother, he died aged 46.
I am an ex cop and have seen much of life / death / all inbetween.
I would like to come back and be part of this community because my life is now at 'my rock bottom'
I wish I had done this years ago.. but then the love of my life didn't seem overly bothered and forgave my indiscretions.. You can only push someone so far..
Hope I've posted correctly & thankyou for reading!
Sarah
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome back, Sarah!
Thanks for sharing your story - it's inspiring that you're using such a difficult situation to turn things around for yourself. I didn't want to admit what alcohol was doing to me, but once I took a step towards sobriety I knew it was what I'd needed to do all along.
It gets better, it really does.:ghug3
Thanks for sharing your story - it's inspiring that you're using such a difficult situation to turn things around for yourself. I didn't want to admit what alcohol was doing to me, but once I took a step towards sobriety I knew it was what I'd needed to do all along.
It gets better, it really does.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I'm sorry you're at such a low point, Sarah, but I'm glad it led you to SR. This place has made all the difference in my recovery. You'll find a lot of folks who have been just as low, and are now waking up grateful for each new day.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 16
Welcome Sarah. I am sorry you have had such hard times. I too had a similar situation a long time ago, and lost my gf (drinking, affair, abuse - in that order) similar to you. But it took me 12 more years to get sober. Life is getting much better with sobriety. Like others, SR is helping to keep me sober. I hope things get better for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: U.K
Posts: 20
Thankyou to everyone who has replied, I really appreciate the comments & sharing..
I am very lucky to have a fantastic supportive group of friends and at least three are in long term recovery so I feel extremely blessed despite being devastated about my relationship. I have also recently realised how co-dependent the situation was in my old life, with my partner & I and also my partner & her mum / vice-versa. A three way co-dependency!
I am unsure at this stage, whether there will be any hope of reconciliation, but I know I must work on ME regardless which is what I am doing.. I am making an effort to eat properly (which was always an issue when drinking never mind during a relationship break up) and have my first meeting on Sunday ( been unwell this week) Wish me luck!
Thankyou again!
I am very lucky to have a fantastic supportive group of friends and at least three are in long term recovery so I feel extremely blessed despite being devastated about my relationship. I have also recently realised how co-dependent the situation was in my old life, with my partner & I and also my partner & her mum / vice-versa. A three way co-dependency!
I am unsure at this stage, whether there will be any hope of reconciliation, but I know I must work on ME regardless which is what I am doing.. I am making an effort to eat properly (which was always an issue when drinking never mind during a relationship break up) and have my first meeting on Sunday ( been unwell this week) Wish me luck!
Thankyou again!
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