Scared, confused. I need this to work
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 14
Scared, confused. I need this to work
On holloween I made a fool of myself I pray for the last time it's been 2 and a half days and i am still sick. I have been here before. I have written so many journals saying this is the day I stop. I always convince myself I can handle it. What a lie. I pulled out the big book. In 2008 I was sober six months. For three years I have been suffering. I want this so bad. So many influences around friends and family. I have reached out to buddies and they are like you are not that bad. Feel like no one understands. My wife is a trooper but she is at the end of her wits with me. 30 years old. What is wrong with me?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Probably nothing, except that you're an alcoholic, 4me1. So am I, and it took me way longer to admit it. We all understand what you're going through. You can stop living that way and have a new beginning.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Welcome to the family.
I quit drinking almost two years ago and I'm happier than I've been in a long while. Do you have any support like AA or counseling? I see an addiction counselor once a week and she's very helpful in lots of ways.
I quit drinking almost two years ago and I'm happier than I've been in a long while. Do you have any support like AA or counseling? I see an addiction counselor once a week and she's very helpful in lots of ways.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Welcome 4me1
Nothings more wrong with you than any of us - or as my granny used to say 'you ain't got nuthin the rest of us haven't got'.
It took me 15 years to face up to my problem, and to accept that I could not drink - not if I wanted the kind of life I wanted and wanted to be the person I wanted to be.
I think the key for most of us is good sober support and a fair bit of commitment and effort.
I'd also think about seeing a Dr - best to be safe
Hope to see you around here regularly, 4me1.
D
Nothings more wrong with you than any of us - or as my granny used to say 'you ain't got nuthin the rest of us haven't got'.
It took me 15 years to face up to my problem, and to accept that I could not drink - not if I wanted the kind of life I wanted and wanted to be the person I wanted to be.
I think the key for most of us is good sober support and a fair bit of commitment and effort.
I'd also think about seeing a Dr - best to be safe
Hope to see you around here regularly, 4me1.
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad you got the nerve up and joined, 4me1! (I felt the same way, too, when I first came here)......
Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to reach out. The truth is, none of us can do this on our own anyway. Keep going...... things are going to get better!
Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to reach out. The truth is, none of us can do this on our own anyway. Keep going...... things are going to get better!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
Welcome 4me1
"For three years I have been suffering. I want this so bad." - this is a damn good start to living the life you want and deserve.
For me I was willing to do ANYTHING to achieve sobriety..it has to be the MOST important thing.
You do not have to suffer like this anymore.
You can do it! :ghug3
"For three years I have been suffering. I want this so bad." - this is a damn good start to living the life you want and deserve.
For me I was willing to do ANYTHING to achieve sobriety..it has to be the MOST important thing.
You do not have to suffer like this anymore.
You can do it! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome. I have a similar story to you. I too recently had a night that I regret. I too had 6 months sober and decided I was cured. I think it all starts with that first drink. I remember hearing in AA "It's not the 10th drink that gets me drunk, it's the first"...
For me that is the truth. I have been drinking for about 4 months and had many nights of drinking in 1st gear. But out of nowhere I take it to 5th gear and I never remember making the decision to take it there. When I drink, the booze ultimately dictates where we go, not me. That's the crazy part about this thing.
My sponsor tells me it's like playing Russian Roulette. The longer we play, the more bullets are in the chamber. The longer we go the more likely losing control becomes.
I do know, first hand (as do you) there is a better way to live. We don't have to live in a way that we will regret. It starts with figuring a way to not take the first dink. That is why I'm going back to AA and coming to this site often.
I wish you the best. Hang in there. We're not bad, we're just sick. Time to get well!!!
RW
For me that is the truth. I have been drinking for about 4 months and had many nights of drinking in 1st gear. But out of nowhere I take it to 5th gear and I never remember making the decision to take it there. When I drink, the booze ultimately dictates where we go, not me. That's the crazy part about this thing.
My sponsor tells me it's like playing Russian Roulette. The longer we play, the more bullets are in the chamber. The longer we go the more likely losing control becomes.
I do know, first hand (as do you) there is a better way to live. We don't have to live in a way that we will regret. It starts with figuring a way to not take the first dink. That is why I'm going back to AA and coming to this site often.
I wish you the best. Hang in there. We're not bad, we're just sick. Time to get well!!!
RW
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,911
What is wrong with me?
Maybe you are an alcoholic?
If that's true, then you are never going to be "cured" but you can put this disease in remission for the rest of your life. For me, I finally gave up and went to AA, trying to quit and stay quit it by myself just wasn't working. There are other recovery solutions besides AA. Stick around SR, you can learn a lot.
Maybe you are an alcoholic?
If that's true, then you are never going to be "cured" but you can put this disease in remission for the rest of your life. For me, I finally gave up and went to AA, trying to quit and stay quit it by myself just wasn't working. There are other recovery solutions besides AA. Stick around SR, you can learn a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Thanks Reggiewayne. I think this tells me a lot about what was going on back when I was drinking. I'd take "one drink" and thought I could "handle" it. I'd take another and said I was O.K. And another. Gradually I lost control (not so gradually as my drinking went on). The primitive part of my brain increased its control over the conscious, rational part and eventually I could not stop even if I'd wanted to. That's where the scary part really begins. You're riding a wild horse and you've lost the reins. All you can do is try to hang on and wait for what comes next. It's far better not to get on the horse to begin with. If you're an alcoholic you think you can control it but you can't and sometimes it takes years and years to really come to terms with that.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 111
I've quit numerous times now. I always seem to change my mind when withdrawal and the consequences aren't so fresh in my mind. Sometimes "it's not that bad" or "Inwon't drink THAT much this time" or "if I moderate a bit no one will know".
It's been two days now since I've been able to stomach a meal, and I don't want to be in this position again. My girlfriend doesn't seem to want to talk about anything other than my recovery and how mad/hurt my drinking has made her. Makes it hard to hope for and see a brighter future. Who can blame her though?
It's always discouraging to think of how many times I've quit "for real" and how it hasn't worked out and why should I think it will be any different this time. But I see a bunch of people on here and elsewhere that have, so there's hope somewhere.
It's been two days now since I've been able to stomach a meal, and I don't want to be in this position again. My girlfriend doesn't seem to want to talk about anything other than my recovery and how mad/hurt my drinking has made her. Makes it hard to hope for and see a brighter future. Who can blame her though?
It's always discouraging to think of how many times I've quit "for real" and how it hasn't worked out and why should I think it will be any different this time. But I see a bunch of people on here and elsewhere that have, so there's hope somewhere.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Your going to go through a lot of ups and downs when it comes to quitting alcohol. Keep learn from your experience and find a recovery that works for you and keep you happy. Remember that if you fall off the horse, dont kick yourself too hard and get back on again. Learn from it and move on.
Good luck.
Good luck.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR!
I listened way too long to the friends that told me I didn't have a problem -- funny how we tend to only listen to the advice that we want to hear.
Best wishes in your sobriety, I know it's tough right now but stick it out, sober living is much more peaceful than life at the bottom of a bottle. It's time for you to claim lasting sobriety, and I know you can do it!
I listened way too long to the friends that told me I didn't have a problem -- funny how we tend to only listen to the advice that we want to hear.
Best wishes in your sobriety, I know it's tough right now but stick it out, sober living is much more peaceful than life at the bottom of a bottle. It's time for you to claim lasting sobriety, and I know you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by wpainterw 
Thanks Reggiewayne. I think this tells me a lot about what was going on back when I was drinking. I'd take "one drink" and thought I could "handle" it. I'd take another and said I was O.K. And another. Gradually I lost control (not so gradually as my drinking went on). The primitive part of my brain increased its control over the conscious, rational part and eventually I could not stop even if I'd wanted to. That's where the scary part really begins. You're riding a wild horse and you've lost the reins. All you can do is try to hang on and wait for what comes next. It's far better not to get on the horse to begin with. If you're an alcoholic you think you can control it but you can't and sometimes it takes years and years to really come to terms with that.
W.
W.
I think this is a really good post. The dance between your drunk brain and your sober one. But there's another brain in there in the middle, it's the sober brain that is slowly getting drunk. That part feels good. It starts off feeling good but then it begins to twist into something ugly.
I think the OP should consider looking at that part of himself and really try to realize how it hurts him.
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