Any Northern NJ Al-Anon'ers, loneliness
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 93
Any Northern NJ Al-Anon'ers, loneliness
Just wanted to reach out and say hello. With the recent storm, many meetings got canceled. I had a rough weekend. I didn't get included by some friends in some plans, and as a result, I slipped so to speak.
Started feeling dejected and rejected. Got nervous that someone or they were mad at me. I felt a bit paranoid. Alone. Lonely. My mind started to race that -- I will be divorced soon -- and if I lose these friends I will truly be alone! These are the friends I made and bonded with while I was "alienated" from my wife. I built an entire new life with these friends. And now I am feeling excluded. Very scary.
I went to a Friday night meeting. My usual Saturday morning meeting. And I spent post meeting Friday night, and all day/night Saturday at home alone. But, I did it. I did it in part because I had to and I knew I would have to do it again. I let go and faced it head on. Wasn't easy, lol, but I did it.
This week I am still living with insecurity that my friends are a bit mad. The ringleader texted me but didn't return a call of mine. I am a bit "worried" maybe a bit scared so to speak. But it is what it is. There's nothing I can do except be me. I have to embrace that I can't control other people.
So -- any Northern NJ people out there? What did the storm/weekend bring you?
One day at a time.
Started feeling dejected and rejected. Got nervous that someone or they were mad at me. I felt a bit paranoid. Alone. Lonely. My mind started to race that -- I will be divorced soon -- and if I lose these friends I will truly be alone! These are the friends I made and bonded with while I was "alienated" from my wife. I built an entire new life with these friends. And now I am feeling excluded. Very scary.
I went to a Friday night meeting. My usual Saturday morning meeting. And I spent post meeting Friday night, and all day/night Saturday at home alone. But, I did it. I did it in part because I had to and I knew I would have to do it again. I let go and faced it head on. Wasn't easy, lol, but I did it.
This week I am still living with insecurity that my friends are a bit mad. The ringleader texted me but didn't return a call of mine. I am a bit "worried" maybe a bit scared so to speak. But it is what it is. There's nothing I can do except be me. I have to embrace that I can't control other people.
So -- any Northern NJ people out there? What did the storm/weekend bring you?
One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
Just wanted to reach out and say hello. With the recent storm, many meetings got canceled. I had a rough weekend. I didn't get included by some friends in some plans, and as a result, I slipped so to speak.
Started feeling dejected and rejected. Got nervous that someone or they were mad at me. I felt a bit paranoid. Alone. Lonely. My mind started to race that -- I will be divorced soon -- and if I lose these friends I will truly be alone! These are the friends I made and bonded with while I was "alienated" from my wife. I built an entire new life with these friends. And now I am feeling excluded. Very scary.
I went to a Friday night meeting. My usual Saturday morning meeting. And I spent post meeting Friday night, and all day/night Saturday at home alone. But, I did it. I did it in part because I had to and I knew I would have to do it again. I let go and faced it head on. Wasn't easy, lol, but I did it.
This week I am still living with insecurity that my friends are a bit mad. The ringleader texted me but didn't return a call of mine. I am a bit "worried" maybe a bit scared so to speak. But it is what it is. There's nothing I can do except be me. I have to embrace that I can't control other people.
So -- any Northern NJ people out there? What did the storm/weekend bring you?
One day at a time.
Started feeling dejected and rejected. Got nervous that someone or they were mad at me. I felt a bit paranoid. Alone. Lonely. My mind started to race that -- I will be divorced soon -- and if I lose these friends I will truly be alone! These are the friends I made and bonded with while I was "alienated" from my wife. I built an entire new life with these friends. And now I am feeling excluded. Very scary.
I went to a Friday night meeting. My usual Saturday morning meeting. And I spent post meeting Friday night, and all day/night Saturday at home alone. But, I did it. I did it in part because I had to and I knew I would have to do it again. I let go and faced it head on. Wasn't easy, lol, but I did it.
This week I am still living with insecurity that my friends are a bit mad. The ringleader texted me but didn't return a call of mine. I am a bit "worried" maybe a bit scared so to speak. But it is what it is. There's nothing I can do except be me. I have to embrace that I can't control other people.
So -- any Northern NJ people out there? What did the storm/weekend bring you?
One day at a time.
I understand about the friends and the way you feel. My solution, which may not be yours, was to eventually amputate a lot of negative people from my life. I AM alone--and moved alone 60 miles from where any family and all but one friend live--but I have been carving out a new life for myself and slowly meeting some new people. I am still very much alone, and sometimes that bothers me; for example, if my car wouldn't start at the train station one night, or if I broke down, there is no one on the planet I could call for help except for AAA. If something happened to me in my home, like I became ill or fell and broke something--no one would miss me for probably a week. Even my only child is on the other side of the world right now. But you know what? It's OK. It's such a relief not to be spending my entire life always trying to be someone else to please everyone else.
Don't let me scare you, lol--I have never been a person that people liked much or wanted to be friends with, even as a child, so you are not likely going to end up like me. I tried so hard to be somebody else, and now I'm 53 and I know that doesn't work and that's OK. Doesn't mean your life will be the same as mine (alone most of the time). Most people are not like me. However, I just wanted to say that it's OK to decide whether or not these people are worth being in YOUR life.
Hi CXR!
I hear ya on the co-dependent head spin!! I can spend days/weeks/months spinning my head around worrying about what other people *might* think about me!! Madness at it's best. Seriously - how can I have any clue what somebody else is thinking?!?!
A good recent example - I had a conversation with my sponsor recently about a decision I had made. I got the impression that she disagreed with my choice! Ack - my sponsor - dissapproving of me?!?! AHH!!!! I tried calling her the next day and then the next - no response. Oh dear. My head began to spin. Was she done with me? Was my decision really that bad?!?! I drove myself nuts and when I finally talked to her... turns out she was sick and going through some stuff of her own and wasn't up to chit-chat!!
It had nothing to do with me... yet, my stinkin' thinkin' made it about me!! Ha.
Anyways... I hope the meetings return to normal for you soon!!
Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon
I hear ya on the co-dependent head spin!! I can spend days/weeks/months spinning my head around worrying about what other people *might* think about me!! Madness at it's best. Seriously - how can I have any clue what somebody else is thinking?!?!
A good recent example - I had a conversation with my sponsor recently about a decision I had made. I got the impression that she disagreed with my choice! Ack - my sponsor - dissapproving of me?!?! AHH!!!! I tried calling her the next day and then the next - no response. Oh dear. My head began to spin. Was she done with me? Was my decision really that bad?!?! I drove myself nuts and when I finally talked to her... turns out she was sick and going through some stuff of her own and wasn't up to chit-chat!!
It had nothing to do with me... yet, my stinkin' thinkin' made it about me!! Ha.
Anyways... I hope the meetings return to normal for you soon!!
Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 93
Hi, I used to be in North Jersey but I've moved to Central. Saw your post and just wanted to say hello to a fellow Garden Stater. I don't go to Al-Anon meetings--went to a couple of them years ago, but by then I wasn't interested in learning how to live with my nowEX AH--I just wanted to get away from him. I just heard people going around the room talking about my exhusband with different names, and I realized that they were all exactly alike. I did find a good therapist who had worked with alkies and druggies and that helped me immensely. Saw him for about seven years.
I understand about the friends and the way you feel. My solution, which may not be yours, was to eventually amputate a lot of negative people from my life. I AM alone--and moved alone 60 miles from where any family and all but one friend live--but I have been carving out a new life for myself and slowly meeting some new people. I am still very much alone, and sometimes that bothers me; for example, if my car wouldn't start at the train station one night, or if I broke down, there is no one on the planet I could call for help except for AAA. If something happened to me in my home, like I became ill or fell and broke something--no one would miss me for probably a week. Even my only child is on the other side of the world right now. But you know what? It's OK. It's such a relief not to be spending my entire life always trying to be someone else to please everyone else.
Don't let me scare you, lol--I have never been a person that people liked much or wanted to be friends with, even as a child, so you are not likely going to end up like me. I tried so hard to be somebody else, and now I'm 53 and I know that doesn't work and that's OK. Doesn't mean your life will be the same as mine (alone most of the time). Most people are not like me. However, I just wanted to say that it's OK to decide whether or not these people are worth being in YOUR life.
I understand about the friends and the way you feel. My solution, which may not be yours, was to eventually amputate a lot of negative people from my life. I AM alone--and moved alone 60 miles from where any family and all but one friend live--but I have been carving out a new life for myself and slowly meeting some new people. I am still very much alone, and sometimes that bothers me; for example, if my car wouldn't start at the train station one night, or if I broke down, there is no one on the planet I could call for help except for AAA. If something happened to me in my home, like I became ill or fell and broke something--no one would miss me for probably a week. Even my only child is on the other side of the world right now. But you know what? It's OK. It's such a relief not to be spending my entire life always trying to be someone else to please everyone else.
Don't let me scare you, lol--I have never been a person that people liked much or wanted to be friends with, even as a child, so you are not likely going to end up like me. I tried so hard to be somebody else, and now I'm 53 and I know that doesn't work and that's OK. Doesn't mean your life will be the same as mine (alone most of the time). Most people are not like me. However, I just wanted to say that it's OK to decide whether or not these people are worth being in YOUR life.
There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. A bit difference. I feel that when I focus on me, and making quality, healthy decisions -- because I am in a place where I can -- helps me make even more progress.
Thanks again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 93
Hi CXR!
I hear ya on the co-dependent head spin!! I can spend days/weeks/months spinning my head around worrying about what other people *might* think about me!! Madness at it's best. Seriously - how can I have any clue what somebody else is thinking?!?!
A good recent example - I had a conversation with my sponsor recently about a decision I had made. I got the impression that she disagreed with my choice! Ack - my sponsor - dissapproving of me?!?! AHH!!!! I tried calling her the next day and then the next - no response. Oh dear. My head began to spin. Was she done with me? Was my decision really that bad?!?! I drove myself nuts and when I finally talked to her... turns out she was sick and going through some stuff of her own and wasn't up to chit-chat!!
It had nothing to do with me... yet, my stinkin' thinkin' made it about me!! Ha.
Anyways... I hope the meetings return to normal for you soon!!
Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon
I hear ya on the co-dependent head spin!! I can spend days/weeks/months spinning my head around worrying about what other people *might* think about me!! Madness at it's best. Seriously - how can I have any clue what somebody else is thinking?!?!
A good recent example - I had a conversation with my sponsor recently about a decision I had made. I got the impression that she disagreed with my choice! Ack - my sponsor - dissapproving of me?!?! AHH!!!! I tried calling her the next day and then the next - no response. Oh dear. My head began to spin. Was she done with me? Was my decision really that bad?!?! I drove myself nuts and when I finally talked to her... turns out she was sick and going through some stuff of her own and wasn't up to chit-chat!!
It had nothing to do with me... yet, my stinkin' thinkin' made it about me!! Ha.
Anyways... I hope the meetings return to normal for you soon!!
Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon
Thanks again.
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